Welcome to my world where everyones a pony and we all eat rainbows and poop butterflies

22 years ago....I had already been in labor for 31 hours, with my parents and my mother in law by my side as my hubby tried to get home from California. He was stationed there in the Navy and I was waiting for the arrival of D1. I bet D1 is doing right now what she was doing 22 years ago, curled up in a ball hoping to never have to face the world again. HaHa It is 630am.

At this point I believe Hubby had left California and was en route to see the birth of his first child. He arrived just 4 hours before she was born and after the epidural. That is when he said the thing that almost made him physically incapable of ever having children again. Oh you look comfortable. Oh yeah... after the epidural.... I had already been in labor since Thursday night at 1130pm. It was now Saturday at 10am. I was 19, exhausted, and petrified.

It was a beautiful weekend, in the 60's and I was stuck in the hospital the whole weekend because in those days they kept you in forever. On Monday I begged to go home because Hubby was leaving Tuesday morning for the Navy. I cried and begged and they finally let me. We had one night together before he went back to Cali and we didnt see him again for 6 weeks.

Those days were so hard, or so I thought. I never imagined how much harder things get. When you have babies and toddlers you cant imagine it getting any more hectic or more ridiculous. But here is the scene from my house the other night.

I am never sick. Never I just dont have time for it. So I started feeling crappy Thursday afternoon. Really I probably woke up feeling crappy but I tried to ignore it because I had too much to do. I had an enormous headache though that would just not go away. So I tried tylenol,then aspirin, then advil. Nothing would get rid of the headache. We were done early at work so I left at 130 and did something else I never do. Laid on the couch the whole day. Didnt move except to get D3 from school, then bring D3 back to school, pick D4 up from school and drop her off at babysitting.
Finally I get home, go back to the couch and I was so sick I couldnt move. I text hubby, the only thing I could possibly think of eating is slice and bake chocolate chip cookies and a big gulp diet coke. So being the excellent husband he is, he gets it for me, brings it home and doesnt even complain that his dinner is cookies. and he makes the cookies.

So I take Aleve, because I have tried everything else and nothing has taken away the pain in my head and the excrutiating pain in my joints. Let me just add that I had been nauseous the whole day, probably after the bacon,egg and cheese, I had for breakfast.

D4 gets home from babysitting, Hubby picks D3 up from her play that she is in, D3 goes to get into the shower and I am laying on the couch, sick, sick ,sick. Hubby goes to bed and D4 is laying on the other couch. All of a sudden we hear this thump and we look over and my precious poopsie Clover is having another seizure. This has been going on for awhile and she had an appointment for a liver sonogram on Friday anyway. But i jump up off the couch and go to hold her which is what I always do when she has a seizure.

Well as soon as I move, I feel it. Total barforama coming. I move to my dog but I cant hold my head up for fear that the vomit is coming.D4 is holding her dog and petting her and saying its ok honey and I am laying with my head on the floor ready to blow. I scream upstairs D3 get out of the bathroom. She comes out wrapped in a towel, about to get into the shower and sees the scene and freaks out. D3 is not the person you want standing by in a crisis.

I run for the bathroom, knowing I have about 4 seconds to lift off and the bathroom is about 5 seconds away.

Side note... i hate to throw up and I havent thrown up in years. Actually not true I threw up a few weeks ago but before that... a long time. I threw up so much when I was pregnant with D1 and D3 that there may be no more vomit left in my body. Literally everyday, all day long, the whole nine months. I know I know and then I still had kids after them but they were perfect babies. Opposite with D2 and D4, good pregnancies, bad babies.

So I am sadly puking up all my cookies, haha, pun intended and my big gulp and I am thinking that what if I could never eat that stuff again. Once when I was pregnant with D3 I threw up a yoohoo and an everything bagel and have not eaten either one since.

you'll be happy to know I think I am ok, I havent tried it yet but it doesnt seem repulsive to me, like everything bagels and yoohoo.

anyway... on my way to throw up I say to freaking out D3, wake up daddy, tell him I am throwing up and Clover is having a seizure. So he gets up to help the dog, I mean seriously he has spent enough times holding my hair back and getting puked on. Back in the day like D3 and her boyfriend are in now where everything is lovey, kissy, even puke. Now, no he would rather take care of clover.

So I am laying on the bathroom floor which PS I have not cleaned in far too long and notice that as I am laying there. D3 is sitting outside the bathroom saying Mom are you ok. And I am screaming Stop dont listen to me throw up.

It was quite a scene. Clover's seizure ended, I only threw up twice and D3 finally calmed down. D4 cuddled with her poopsie girl and then we all went to bed.

Just another evening on the homefront.

Sort of like another time when D4 was having a seizure and D1 was throwing up. I think I already told that story, about D4 standing on a wheelie chair, if not I will tell it another time.

Babies are hard but man teenagers are way harder. Who knew when you were carefully breastfeeding them that later on they would eat doritos and gummi worms? Who knew when you taught them to share and play nice they would do that with boys, teenage boys who think teenage boy things and you would spend the next years sneaking up on them undercover to make sure nothing funny was going on? All the years you taught them to have manners, who knew that one summer when you worked and didnt pay attention, they would instantly go back to eating with their hands, burping loudly, and talking with food in their mouth?

It all goes bad. I have an idea of how the world should work perfectly and i will share that with you next time but for now its a birthday weekend and we are celebrating now that the curse of D1 has been lifted.

Party on Dude.

Footprints in the sand? Not me Jesus I walk alone

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This used to be one of my favorite poems. For a little jewish girl from the middle of Long Island for some reason I thought this was such a powerful thought.

It was then that I carried you. Wow.

As an adult it isnt often we feel the support of something like this. I carried you.

Think about the last time you were carried. Most likely by your parents or even maybe by your spouse or boyfriend you know before you gained like 40 lbs.

Being carried means that you are unable to move on alone. You need the help of someone. Someone strong, someone who loves you more than life. Someone who struggles for you so you dont have to.

D3's boyfriend carried her up the stairs recently. It was adorable. He is strong and totally in love with her and she was tired and cranky and he carried her.

Hubby used to carry me. Well before I weighed !@##$ and the safe feeling of being carried was taken over by my fear of him having a heart attack or even worse, dropping me.

I am beating around a very large bush, the burning bush? maybe.

In any case, I have always thought this poem meant something. At different points in my life I have seriously believed in God and other times when I just sensed the presence of a higher power and felt comfortable in that. There have been very few times when I totally shunned the presence of some sort of God. But that time is now.

There cannot be a God that allows criminals to win while law abiding citizens lose.

I dont know how much of this story I have told but I will be brief because the excrutiating details are too hard to go into.

We opened a girls sporting goods store. From scratch. We rented a store in a busy shopping center, we ordered all the inventory, we bought all the racks and shelves and the cash register. We did it all. The store was successful but after a short time the tragedies in my family overtook my enthusiasm for the store and I just couldnt keep dividing my time between running the store and taking care of the people that needed me.

We were going out of business when a con man who we sort of knew came in and offered us money for the store. He played us when we were in the middle of such tremendous grief that we werent paying attention. He stole everything we had and planned to take advantage of us in such a way that it would make you sick if I outlined the exact way in which he did this. His name is Michael Gongas and if you ever come across him, run for your life. He is a professional con man who stole Sportsjust4girls from me and now he has gotten away with it.

We have been sueing him for the money he never paid for the store since 2005. I have paid my lawyer over 8000 dollars and owe him 18000 more. The judge ruled against us because in my deposition I said I handed him the inventory list and in my affadavit I said I left it on the counter. And he says that he never got the inventory list and that there was no inventory.

Blah Blah Blah the story is endless. the pain is eternal. The dissapointment almost debillitating.

I just have this unending feeling of unfairness. Of course you are hearing my side and of course he has a side. His side comes from being a con artist though. He has the store in his possession, always has since 2005. He used my credit card to buy socks, 800 dollars worth of socks. He ran up the electric bill and other bills and left them in my name.

and he never paid us for the store. and the judge thought the whole case hinged on the fact that I said one thing 3 years ago and I said another a few months ago.

Motion for Summary Judgement:DENIED

He stole a whole store. He entered into a contract to purchase a business from me and never paid for it. and the judge looked at hundreds of papers of information and thought the whole point rested on the fact that I said two different things.

and that is what is wrong with this country. the whole legal system completely protects the criminals. How else can you explain this? How can there be a legal system that looks at the fact that he still owns the store, runs it everyday and makes money.

I always have wanted to believe in a GOD. I tried when all the terrible things in my life were replaced with more terrible things. I had moments when I thought I understood that things happen for a reason. I know I was never destined to have money, but that doesnt have anything to do with being taken advantage of. With someone stealing from you. Your lifes savings and then some. The loss has cost me over 200,000 dollars. It will be with me until the day I die.

Where is the justice in this? Why are criminals protected? Mike Gongas has hundreds of thousands of dollars in judgements against him from other people he has conned and the law protects him. He has a wife and daughter and son who watch him be a dirtbag and look the other way. He has assaulted people on at least 3 occassions that I know of.

where is god in all this? Where does he hide? Why does light shine on Mike Gongas, a man who makes Satan look like Mrs. Cleaver. Mike Gongas weighs over 300 lbs. Is Jesus carrying him?

It was then that I carried you. Fuck you Jesus. Seriously. this is one time too many you have fucked with me and my family. and there is no doubt in my mind that if you do exist it is only to completely screw up what is left of this disgusting excuse for a world in which we live in.

I dont need you to carry me into the gates of hell with you. I need you to step aside.

I walk alone... and I always will.

Dreams, Signs and Psychic Ability

Okay, so first of all let me say the Y on my keyboard is sticking so when I start typing too fast to notice and there are missing Y's please forgive me. I will do my best to notice but... well you know.

So let me say that if you dont know me this whole blog is going to sound crazier than it would if you did know me. Maybe not and I am officially now not making any sense so let me just begin.

I believe in Ghosts. I believe in Dreams. I believe in Signs. And I believe that everything does happen for a reason, even if we never know the reason.

I believe in a bunch of other weird things and yes I am aware that most people are secretly thinking that I am a nut job, others not so secretly like my family.

D3 mentioned yesterday that there may be toxic fumes leaking into the basement that I work in and that is what is responsible for the craziness and yes that does include you Ellen. It may have come after I told her the breastfeeding conversation of yesterday. hahahaha

Ok so to the point... yes I am getting there, slowly I know but you know me I have to build it up.

A few weeks ago someone I work with had excruciating back pain one day and the next day I had it. No big deal right. I frequently have trouble with sciatica and it always acts up when I get cramps so no big deal.

Next a few days later I wake up out of the blue with a pain in my left knee. D4 has been on crutches since january with an injured left knee. I swear I thought I had taken her pain away, but hers was still there. the pain in my left knee has come and gone but hers is now gone. hmmm see what is happening here.

D3 had serious pain in her neck and left arm. This is similar to the pain I had before my surgery. The only thing that could relieve it was pulling her arm. I had the same thing but since my surgery, all over. Well I did move some doors around in my house so I did have a reason, but the pain in my neck was so bad the other night I thought I would throw up. Gone now.

So meanwhile, my little doggie has been sick and has a liver issue. Yeah well a few days ago I wake up and the whites of my eyes are yellow. D3 and D4 confirmed this so I am not making this up. Both of them said seperately What are you having sympathy pains for Clover now?

So I seem to be having sympathy pains for people who are hurting in my life. What does this mean? Have I become some sort of modern day Jesus? Am I actually taken their pain away or am I just feeling their pain so I can easily understand what they are going through?

One time after my brother in law died I woke up and felt what my sister in law felt when she woke up everyday. It was an overwhelming feeling of sadness that I could never describe to anyone unless they have gone through it.

there was a movie called powder that I think I may have mentioned before that shows how this weird kid powder held on to a dying deer and held onto to the hunter that shot him so the shooter could feel what the deer felt. Scared, lonely. It made a huge impact on me.

I dont know what I am supposed to do with this new found superpower. Is it my chance to help people? Is it to make me more sympathetic towards peoples pain because I feel like I already am pretty sympathetic. I constantly reevaluate my life and look at the signs. Sometimes though we get so caught up in our day to day life that we miss them.

D3 is always running late in the morning. And just when I think she is finally ready, she says I have to brush my teeth. No matter what she always leaves this to the last minute and it drives me nuts.

Except on more than one occasion we have missed an accident by just the amount of time it took her to brush her teeth while I was outside in the car freaking out.

Like today... I was waiting in the car and then I pulled out into the street and i was fairly calm for me anyway.

We drive to school and just a block away from school, not far from where D1 got in a car accident last year, are two of D3's friends on the side of the road, cars smashed, accident just happened.

It couldnt have happened more than 3-4 minutes before, just the amount of time it took to brush her teeth.

so maybe part of this lesson is dont freak out when you miss the bus, or the T, or the metro. Or miss a class all together. Or there is someone in front of you that is driving really slow and you want to take out your invisible gun and shoot them. Maybe there is a reason. Maybe you are always where you are supposed to be. Maybe when you run back in the house to get your bag that you forgot and you think Hot Dang i am going to be late, maybe you are being saved from something that you didnt even know.

there is a movie I think called sliding doors where I think it was Gwenyth Paltrow, misses the train as the doors close on her. Then the whole movie shows how different her life is just by the one moment. It goes back and forth from what happened if she made the train to what happened when she missed it. Do you meet the love of your life on the next train or do you make the train and get home in time to catch your spouse cheating on you?

You can go crazy thinking of the what ifs but really is it all completely out of our control? I dont believe that your whole life is already mapped out. I do believe we have control over choices we make and that is why we need to learn from every single situation we are in. We need to take something away from each experience even if its Crap, i never want to do that again.

We need to constantly look at the direction that we are heading and say is this what I want for myself?

I have reinvented myself many times when I wasnt happy with where I stood. I wanted a happy marriage and everyday I work to make that come true. Hubby and I are more in love today than we were 24 years ago, wow almost 25 this summer. but everyday we do special things for each other and respect each other. and when we get busy and a little off the track I show up at his office and whisk him away for a few hours so he can vent and I can listen and we are just enjoying each others company.

I loved being a stay at home mom. I wish i could still do it. And I love my job mostly because I love my bosses, they are totally cool, extremely generous and give me the flexibility I need to take care of myself and my family. But I always wanted to go to college so now I am doing that and maybe someday I will change careers, a long time from now when I graduate in like 4 years or maybe I will be mailing out bears with a masters degree in genetics. whatever.

My point is that it is not certain what your life is. It is not set in stone. One mistake today does not change your life permanently. It constantly changes. You constantly have the chance to look and say hey this isnt what i wanted for myself.

So I dreamed last night I ran away with Kid Rock. And D1 dreamt Hubby lost his job. and D3 dreamed that D2 was missing in Spain.

I know these arent true signs. I know these are metaphors for things. I know that recently I have wished that Hubby and I were 16 again and gazing lovingly into each others eyes instead of figuring out how we are gonna pay the american express bill.

Kid Rock is the way out of all my responsibility.

And hubby has been stressed out at work. D1 is sensing his aggravation at work and his disgust with alot of what is going on there.

and D3 is always worried about everyone because her life has always been making sure others are happy. From the time she was 5 weeks old and hubby was diagnosed with cancer, she would come to sloan kettering with us and just talk and giggle and for a time those cancer stricken people could just be warmed by her joy.

These are signs of something, but not literal.

D1 has psychic ability. Many people have told her that. She has always fought it but now she is channeling it a little and learning its uses.

Can you sense that we are winning the lottery please D1???

London Broil and Rice instead of blogging

oh darn, i wanted to blog but my family is hungry. seriously i am the only person capable of throwing a steak in the oven. did i not just cook a beautiful breakfast of eggs, bacon and sausage. did i not just make homeade popcorn with melted butter for a snack. have i not spent the day paying bills with invisible money and dealing with all the correspondance on the earth.

holy crap,,, a moms work is never done...

i hope to be back soon but this is what i have to do this week... 4 chapters of chemistry, large quantities of cheyenne, a paper on one of the memoirs i read, and draw a picture from the pictures D3 and boyfriend took at montauk.

humph... i am sorry dear readers i will return shortly.

How do you say Shut the !@#$% Up in Cheyenne?

The Cheyenne don't have a word for Shut the !@#$ up. Instead they curse you with real live curses, like may all your hair fall out except for one and let it turn gray and get lice.

Like that...

OK... I am new to the college world but how quickly it all falls into place, the same kids in high school who loved to hear themselves talk are back but in college form. And with some sort of cocky attitude that makes you want to scream... you stupid loser. go back to high school.no one wanted to hear you then and just because you grew a mustache and carry a briefcase no one wants to hear you now either.

Now I am sure you college students know exactly what I am talking about but I am still going to give you a few examples....

Let me give you a little background first... The college I go to is an adult college. It is part of the SUNY system and they have tried to convince us that is along the same lines of Stony Brook University but I am thinking definitely more Suffolk Community, where they let anyone in.

The format is that you register for classes with your mentor and you set up meetings with your professors, who all teach at Stony Brook, and you get the work, do it at home, bring it back and meet with your professor, bask in the glory of your success and then get more. It goes on like this until you complete all the work and get an A in the class. Okay so this has been my experience so far except in General Biology where I totally sucked but because he graded my tests on the Stony Brook curve I still got a B+. Disappointing for a 6 credit class but really what can I do.

The format for Cheyenne Culture and Language is different. There is a study group that meets Tuesday from 6-8, Wednesday from 6-8 and Thursdays from 10-12am. You pick one study group, you go to class, you do work at home, you meet with Professor Eagle feathers and you hopefully get an A. There is a ton of work, reading, studying the language and lots of papers including a 15 page research paper. Lucky for me I have diarrhea of the mouth and could go on for 15 pages about a hangnail.

So I went to the first meeting 2 weeks ago and as usual there are at least 3 people in the class who cant shut up. Even after Professor Eagle feathers wife, who is not Cheyenne, explains that if you interrupt Prof. EF he will just stop talking because he feels if you interrupt him, obviously what he is talking about is not important. Basically I think her point was let him talk and ask questions later.

But NOOOOO... the first meeting was bad. One woman stopping him every 2 minutes to spell things. How do you spell that? Is that going to be on the test?

There are no tests, this class is about knowledge, language, research, awareness. You don't need to write everything down.

Wait how do you spell that???

Oh my god. Shut up.

So then Cliff and Kd, the professor and his wife are showing slides and they show the treaty of how we stole Manhattan for 26 dollars and what the Indians got in return. They got like a 5 foot piece of rope, a metal spike, I mean it was just ridiculous what we did. Really though they don't believe land can be bought and sold or owned so maybe they thought they got one over on us.

In any case, listed was 2 gallons of rum as one of the things the Indians got in exchange for Manhattan.

And this woman says, well at least you got 2 gallons of rum out of it. And they politely ignore her and she says, don't say we never gave you nothing you got 2 bottles of rum. And KD looks her straight in the face and says yeah and that was poison to the Indians and caused alcholism in the tribe.

And you think that would shut her up but she continues and says... oh do you think they did that on purpose, bringing rum so you people would be drunk and become alcholics?

Yeah exactly... shut the !@#$ up!

So it snowed really hard on Tuesday and I had to go to Wednesdays class or risk driving in the blizzard. So I go in and I don't see the two women from the Tuesday class and I am so happy. I think hey maybe I can switch to Wednesday and peacefully listen to this amazing man speak.

He is riveting. He speaks so softly and has amazing stories to tell, yet instead of listening to him these are the kinds of things that went on last night...

Black guy in the corner: Every time anyone asked a question before Prof. EF could talk he would say well from what I read in the text.... blah blah blah... and continue talking for way too long.

This went on all night.

Prof. EF would not say a word. Just move on.

Literally I cannot even begin to explain this....Someone would ask a question like are white people allowed at these ceremonies? and he said yes they are always welcome but maybe not to participate. they can certainly watch though.

So 5 minutes later, someone else is like... if a Cheyenne woman marries a white man can he go to the ceremonies,

Yes all people are welcome onto the reservation and the ceremonies..

Oh you mean you people aren't hiding your ceremonies from us like the masons. Are you performing secret ceremonies that white men cant see.

No all white people and all people are welcome to the ceremonies.

5 minutes later... well if a Cheyenne man marries a white woman with kids from another marriage can they come to the ceremonies.

Yes all people are welcome, we encourage you to come, anyone is welcome.

well would Michael Jackson be welcome because he used to black but now he is white, so like would he be allowed at the ceremonies.

OK i made that last one up but seriously it went on and on.

And politely every time he just answered these stupid idiots.

All through the class, Prof EF would be speaking and someone would say oh that is just like the ...pick a race, religion... catholics, they do that.... or oh are you like the Amish how you shun people if they choose to leave the reservation and make a life elsewhere.

no we are not like the Amish... or the catholics....or the masons... or the Mormons... no kidding all of these were asked last night.


Black guy in the corner wanted to talk all night and tell us all about his life as a worker for the government, how tough life is for a black man, just like the Indians had hard times so did he.

By the end of the class, no joke everyone was actively rolling their eyes every time he opened his mouth.

So Prof. EF tells us as we are packing up our stuff that the reservation is like a third world country. The medical care is bad, poverty and alcholism are rampant. He was talking about how sad it was and how hard life was there.

And this woman who had been fairly quiet compared I guess to black guy in the corner.


Oh my god... i am in McDonald's and some guy just walked by and loudly said to his friend... yeah get me coffee I have to take a wiz. for real. not making this stuff up.


OK so this woman says... you don't have to stay on the reservation, no one is making you stay there, every group in this country has been oppressed, but like the Mexicans they come here and work really hard and send the money back to their country, you people could do that. Why don't you just leave the reservation, go out and get an education and then get a good job and send the money back there.

An out of her office, next door, Prof. EF wife storms in and says, no one in this room knows what oppression is. No one unless you are a family member of a holocaust survivor knows what genocide does to your abilities to rise above. Prejudice and Oppression changes you from generation to generation and stops you in your tracks.

She was so mad and going on and on and freaking out.

Until black man in corner says... yeah like how I have to work twice as hard at my job as anyone to get less pay.

And this woman next to me is like...yeah right... you people get everything... i am a white married mother of 4 and i don't get anything like you people get. I struggle everyday too.

and he ignores her and keeps saying.. the color of my skin precedes me anytime I go anywhere, i am immediately judged and people are afraid of me and she is like... yeah yeah you people get so many breaks and i have to suffer.

It was freakin ugly.

And both of them would not stop and the class was already past 2 hours long and I wanted to scream at both of them...this is not what we are here for.

Apparently.. this is a common belief about the Indians that they are just lazy. Why cant they get out and get a job? They have all the opportunities,why aren't they taking it?

When you hear Prof EF speak you will know why. Everything about the Indians is in direct contrast to the American way of living.

They want to preserve the Earth and only take what they need to survive.

If they kill a buffalo for food there is not one part of the buffalo that goes to waste. Not one stitch. It is used for food, and clothing and tools and weapons.

They don't believe you are a better person if you have more stuff.

They live simply.

Someone asked what would happen if someone who was made Chief wasn't good at it, was he fired.

The answer... no you can never be fired from being a chief.

Well, what if no one wanted to listen to him what happens then?

they don't.

Well if they just don't do what he says what happens then?

They just disrespect him and that makes him feel bad and usually he steps down because to be disrespected is worse than anything else.


The class is so interesting and so amazing but really I am embarrassed to be sitting in this class of white people and black people and Hispanic people and sit among them like I am one of them.

I am not.

My kids will say that i say offensive things all the time. And I do. I make fun of everyone and everything with stereotypes and just plain awful jokes.

But in my heart where it counts, I truly believe that every person should have the true right of freedom.

Freedom to practice whatever they believe in. Be a vegetarian or don't. Go to church or don't. Believe in God or don't.

As long as there is no hurting of other people, you should be allowed to participate in any activity that you want to.

As Americans we thing everyone wants to be just like us. We cannot understand why when we offered the Indians Smoke shops and casinos they didn't take the offer.

they don't want to have money to buy "things". they don't want fancy cars and homes and jewelry.

They have something worth so much more. They have a spirit that keeps them alive. They have beliefs that carry them through suffering and grief. They have their connection to the past that is passed down from one generation to another. They are rich beyond measure in ways we could never understand.

And if we could just shut the !@#$ up maybe just maybe we could learn something.

Thank you Maria

Thanks to Maria you can now see the videos and be prepared for video blowout because now that I have the power I will never stop.

evil laugh (hahahahahahahahahaha)

PS school was not cancelled and i almost had to go but the roads are really bad so i made an executive decision to go tomorrow instead.

hahhahahahaha

no not funny

Russian Roulette or should I say Cheyenne Roulette

Cheyenne homework or blog.... Cheyenne homework or blog... that is the question on everyones mind these days isnt it?

Well... here is my thought process... I am going to include a little bit of Cheyenne Culture or language in my blog and I am taking the chance that the weather men are right and it will be snowing way too hard for me to go to school tonight.

Yes it is quite a risk since the weather men are historically wrong..

I mean there is a 30% chance it may be snowing right now.


So how about a little blog or should I say... Tseske'e blog....its pronounced jesh kih eh and it means a little. Actually it rhymes with brisket and since I am all about food that is one of the phrases I remember. There are about 20 phrases I was supposed to memorize and be able to speak to my professor tonight and here is what I have discovered...

anyone in their 40's should never attempt to learn a new language because it is totally impossible to do.

Learning a new language accesses a side of the brain that burned out long ago to be replaced with who likes mayo on their turkey sandwich and who will never eat chopped meat no matter how you disguise it.

In the spot where I could have stored Na-tsehese-nestse-tano I want to speak the Cheyenne language pronounced Nah tisenst te dun... is replaced with who is allergic to penicillin and who likes beans in their taco dip....does hubby eat taco dip.. we are not sure because I left some out for him last night and he didnt eat it.

I digress... often I know...but that is what is in there. No room left for Nancy na heseve he. My name is Nancy.

I have been reading a lot of history about the Indians and I learned something very interesting. They do not want to assimilate with us at all. they are not trying to be like us although as Americans we cannot understand why everyone wouldnt want to be just like us.

The Indians believe in the Mother Earth. They believe she is alive and they believe that is has been easy for the white men to rape the Earth of all its resources because of the nature of her being woman.

They think they will still be here long after we have burned ourselves up with our stupid technology and I have to say I think I may agree.

In the past ten years I personally have seen such a shift in the world based on technology. You have to understand this is coming from someone who grew up before VCR's which are already obsolete and before all the music you own could fit in a little tiny box not crates and crates of vinyl albums that could scratch and melt.

Information is received in an instant. Can a penis really be fractured? Google it. by the way it really can and I dont reccommend you googling it unless you want to see some scary pictures of smurf penises.

Who is that eccentric guy who wore surgical gloves? Yeah you can google that and come up with Howard Hughes. It is incredible.

There is no need to memorize Cheyenne or anything else because you can access it on your blackberry at any moment.

So are the Indians right? Are they just waiting until Obama gets an email on his blackberry that says something like




and then he replies back...





and before you know it the president of iran is leaving this on obamas facebook...




and obama is all Oh no you didnt... and he skypes him and sings him this song





so you see how technology is going to ruin the world and the Indians will be left with their Earth a little worse for the wear but still intact?

And where will we be... gone...long gone.

and no one will care then if I spent all morning writing a stupid blog or studying Cheyenne.

Maybe if i had paid attention more I could have done the Indian snow dance to assure I wouldnt have class tonight.

Hmm... maybe there is a reason to pay attention...



Ha'Ho for reading. (thanks)

from Ve-ho a e (white woman)