I'm BACK

Dear Frenzied Fans,
I have returned for a short spurt of power blogging. I officially finished all my classes, handed in all final work yesterday and now have even registered for summer, which will start in exactly two and a half weeks. That is all you have me for and then you will only see me on twitter as I frantically wonder why I continue to overwhelm myself with way too much to do and never enough time to do it.

anyhoodle...

I wanted to start blogging sooner but I somehow started on an Amazon quest to look for something for D3's boyfriend for graduation and then I remembered I had a cousin who needed a graduation gift and then.. well you know it all went to hell.

So Here is my long awaited blog....


Boys are like Dogs...

Before you start making cracks like no... dogs are way cuter than boys... just hear me out. I have a lot to say on this subject. (Dont I always)

First off boys are like dogs because they have to be trained. From the time they are puppies. If you cannot get to your puppy before they are trained by someone else you might be in trouble. Old dogs cannot learn new tricks contrary to popular belief and once a dog is peeing on your carpet... well its hard to retrain without a lot of failures and heartaches. You can cage them but as soon as they are free... peeing everywhere.

Now this implies you need to meet your boy/dog when they are young...kind of... My friend and I at work have decided that everyone we know who is in a happy (and i used that word loosely when you have been married for 25 years)committed marriage has been together since high school.

dont panic college girls. Your puppies just spent the last 4 years drunk and stupid so they still can be molded into the perfect boy. It just takes a little extra work and you need to look out for the good base.

For instance... a golden retriever... good base... trainable even after they are ruined by their mother/other girlfriend/themself. Chiahuaha... no not so much... so look for the golden retrievers ladies.... they are sweet on the inside down to the core and they feel really bad when they poop on the carpet and dissapoint you.

My dog... (and i mean my real dog, not my husband) would look at you and say... screw you I couldnt hold it in. I tried. But I failed. Get over it.

You do not want a man like a chiahuaha... and that usually comes with the short mans attitude and an inferiority complex. You know cops, firemen, men who are a little short in the you know what department so they need to make it up by carrying a big gun or firehose.

Ok so to train your boy/dog you need to follow a few simple rules. What I like to do is praise them like its their idea when you have clearly told them what to do..

For instance... you put a treat just out of their reach and you say... stay... stay... this is just so they know you are in charge.... and then you say ok go get your treat... and then you make it seem like it was their idea... good boy... good boy... what a good job you did staying....you were so good at that... wow you are amazing... lalalalala .... you get the idea right?

You need to state over and over again (because boys and men and puppies never listen)
exactly what you want. I wish I could tell you that after all these years they eventually can think on their own but lets be serious... you have to keep updating your training and lets face it why do dogs still need to be on a leash after you have had them for 10 years. Exactly... because boys are like dogs and they still dont listen when there is something they want to run after... be it another dog... another girl... beer... whatever... just keep your dog/boy on a really short leash.

So dont think that after all those years together they will know that you need ice cream when you call and say... wow my day sucked. You say... please bring me home Ben and Jerrys NY Superfudge Chunk and then when they get home you praise them like it was their idea... Wow what a good boy you are you remembered how much I love ice cream when I am sad.

Sometimes I like to do a little test and say... ok go to 7-11 and bring me home my favorite candy bar. It usually causes complete panic but it gives you a little insight into where you are in your training schedule.

They get some points but not all if they contact your kids and say holy crap what is mommys favorite candy bar. If they come home with 5 candy bars and you have eaten every one of them at one point in your life, that gets some points too. I mean we are dealing with boys here. Dont expect too much. If they come home with a snickers when you are deathly allergic to peanuts, you have a bigger problem on your hands and I would say trade that boy into the shelter and take your chances with a dog from the pound because really you couldnt do any worse.

Just remember these tips... dogs will do anything for meat... and so will boys.... dont be fooled by that... you need to make sure that they will do anything even when they are not getting the meat at the end and you can accmplish this by offering and then repealing the invitation. See if your dog growls, barks or bites, because if they do... get rid of it... there are no cures for growlers, barkers or biters. They cannot be retrained and other than finding some homeless dog for them to be with they should really be put to sleep. There is no place on the Earth for biting dogs.

Boys and dogs like to mark their territory. For dogs we know they pee on everything but basically this is what boys are doing also when they put a hickey on your neck, buy you a sweatshirt that says I love my boyfriend or ask you to where their varsity jacket or high school ring (ok i am going back to the 50's here but you know what i mean)

Now its facebook. They pee on you by leaving messages on your facebook that clearly says.. "stay away from my girlfriend" or "so and so is in a relationship with..." yeah... you are marked. Its ok if you are in it for the long haul but if you are still pounding the pavement for that perfect puppy... dont let them mark you.

Dogs like to hang around in packs. Do not allow this. Divide and conquer. Boys and dogs in large packs can be dangerous. Suddenly they think farting and burping is cool when they are all together. it is like all your training goes down the tubes. You need to be constantly monitoring their behavior when they are in large groups. Especially when they are off the leash like at baseball games or bachelor parties. This could require an intense training session that might even require a swat on the nose. Keep a close eye out for this and if it starts to go bad get them back on the leash.

There are times when you are going to be tempted to let them out on their own. I mean you are tired and sick of the constant training. This is okay but dont make this a habit. You will see just how fast all this untraining will take place. Before you can say "Fetch" they will start having thoughts of their own. They might even think they can train you. This is the time to use the electric collar if need be. That would be cause for drastic measures. You cannot, I repeat cannot have them thinking that they can in any way train you.

Dogs need attention and some dogs are good about asking nicely, sitting quietly next to you until you pay attention to them. Others are in your face jumping up and down pet me pet me. This is your own personal decision. What kind of a boy do you want... the one who can sit and wait or the one pursuing you? Either way just make sure you have your leash in one hand and you box of training treats in the other.

Dogs are usually very loyal but if you encounter a dog who want to leave and hang out with another family.. just let them go. Stray dogs usually get hit by cars... so that is your revenge and you can start over fresh with an untainted puppy. It is probably better that way anyway.

I am sorry if any dogs were insulted by being compared to boys. No dogs were harmed in the making of this blog. Boys on the other hand....SIT!





Can you spot the good dog?


Yes this is a trick question...

he is the one behind the camera taking a picture of me in the Dominican Republic...

after he took this picture he hugged me real tight and said you are beautiful and amazing in respnse to the fact that we had been traveling for hours and had to switch to a different airport and take a two hour crazy ride to our resort. I am kinda easy going like that and he loves me for it.

Good boy!

Just one more day

I know you all have been waiting patiently... ok maybe not so patiently. I have been just receiving thousands of emails begging me to write my next blog. and i will... over the weekend ok. just wait until the weekend. really you have to stop with the phone calls and the texting and all that. i will be back to blogging soon. only until may 19th when i start my super powered summer session 12 credits in 8 weeks baby. you know it. so i will blog away until then but i am watching private practice now and it is so sick and i have to give it my full attention.

ok gotta go now.

oink oink

A song for someone special

I heard this song today in the car and it reminded me of someone special. It made me think of you M.O.N. I have read your blog and stalked you a little on facebook and i hope you are ok. Please call me if you need me. You can call collect. Or email me. Thinking about you.



Fast Car lyrics

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I both can get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

be someone

You got fast car
And I got a job that pays our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Stay happy, stay healthy and keep in touch when you can.

i am lame

ok i know i am totally lame and this blog has taken a back seat to just about everything.

homework, if i was actually doing it. facebook stalking, which i have done way too much lately, worrying, which has really become a full time job for me, work which is the only thing that makes me laugh these days, oh that and the 2 kids i have left home who make me laugh everyday.

even if we are all going to hell.

i have a great blog idea in mind, and i have been dying to write about it but heres the problem....

one week left to chemistry final one week left to hand in 2 15 page research papers plus project, 1 6 page language paper, 1 3 page culture paper, 1 1 page reponse paper. and i am blogging, watching brothers and sisters, and looking at prom pictures.

so you will just have to wait for my great blog idea until next week or sooner if i am procrastinating.

but here are some prom pictures you can enjoy of D3 and her adorable boyfriend. they were by far the cutest couple at the prom.

Sexting

I only have about 15 minutes to blog but I just saw the most disturbing thing on the news this morning.

Yeah besides the complete drama about Obama's dog.

Sexting... sending inappropriate pictures by cell phone texting or on the internet.

ok... have we all lost our minds in this world?

If you take a nude picture of yourself as a teenager and send it to your friend, boyfriend etc... you are charged with child pornography. then you are registered on the national child abuse registry for the next 30 years or more.

These are stupid kids doing silly thing and their whole life is ruined.

On the other hand, as a teenage girl how low of self esteem must you have if you are sending nude pictures of yourself to people?

They said the answer to this is parents.

Parents are the first line of defense they say.

but honestly until i heard this today on the news i would have had no idea that there were muliple kids out there participating in this and that the results are so catastrophic.

Your life is over. They just showed one story where a girl sent her boyfriend nude pictures of herself. He showed them to his friends who made copies and distributed them to other people and before long the whole school knew about it.

She hung herself in her closet with her cell phone close by after people repeatedly tortured her over it.

Ok I have a much more open relationship with D3 and D4 then I did with D1 and D2. I think because there is no one I am trying to keep things quiet from. We just openly talk more often.

but in my wildest dreams i would never have thought of saying... dont send naked pictures of yourself to your friends because you can be charged with child pornography.

There was a similar situation a few years ago when people took naked pictures of their children. I have many pictures of my kids in the bath and sitting on the potty and maybe one kid wearing nothing but a pair of my leather boots, but these are harmless adorable kid pictures.

As always in this world, the intent of what we are trying to do is lost and the specifics are ridiculous.

On the morning show there was an argument over whether the law should be changed or we should educate the kids that this is wrong.

Wow... what the hell? Of course we should educate our children that sending pictures of themself or anyone else is wrong. it is demeaning and obviously a call for help.

But... are these teenagers doomed to a lifetime of being on the sex offender registry? Is that the essence of what this registry is used for? Doesnt it seem ridiculous that these dumb teenagers will never lead a normal life?

Its just another thing in this world that I seriousy do not understand.

That and why we are so worried that the Obama girls got an adorable dog that they arent allergic to instead of a shelter dog like they were promised.

And while that is on the top of the news, pirates are taking over the world.

Well if one of them was Johnny Depp it wouldnt be so bad right?

99th and 1/2 post

Ok I know I have not blogged in awhile.

The reason is that this is my 100th post and because I am really into that kind of celebratory shit I have been trying to thing up the ultimate 100th post.

but I am compelled to write this now because its just so ridiculous and since I am alone and have no one else to talk to I need to share.

I am in McDonalds or my office as I like to call it, procrastinating from doing so much homework I dont even have time to list it.

There is a guy on his cell phone fighting with his boss. It is so loud and so inappopriate and he has scarred my ears multiple times with the F curse. Right in McDonalds, home of that creepy clown Ronald and the happy meal. Its no place for the F word. Unless of course they ran out of fries. In which case that would require a rifle and a hostage situation along with lots of F words.

But what is it that makes people feel the need to bring others into their private business. Why dont you take that outside Mr. Blue Collar F curser? They are literally fighting over whether or not the calls on his cell phone are appropriate work calls.

"ok so sometimes when I am in traffic I call my wife to tell her the I will be late to pick the kids up"

Pause

"yeah well you said you were gonna give me something extra, some fucking compensation for how hard i work"

"i dont like to call you because i know you dont like to hear this shit"

on and on... now he is off the phone and telling others in the morning quiet of micky dees all about his life.

You dont know my life.... hahah that is from baby mama. funny movie...

Now he is bashing the government....


Wow for real... I should live in the basement... with my dear friend who really gets me. Things are much clearer down there. Its like when Willie Wonka brings the kids into the colorful part of the candy factory. And everything is rainbows and butterflies, well and candy too.

Thats how we are in the basement. Food tastes better, stories are funnier and lets face it the world is just such a better place below ground. Above ground there are cursers and teenagers and people that should be avoided.

I reserve the right to call this my 99 1/2 post because the 100th one should be better than this.

But its posting this or I get on the phone with Hubby and scream... what the fuck is going on in this world with loud talkers and oversharers?

only kidding. i never curse out loud. I whisper it...

Passion

I have never seen the movie Serendipity but D4 was watching it on TV this afternoon and I caught the end of it. I basically know the premise, something about destiny and finding the one person in this world to love. In any case, the guy in it was going to get married, settling for someone other than his soul mate that he couldnt find and he decided against it. His best man is like, oh good, because instead of writing a best man speech, i wrote an obituary for you. what? yeah because your soul was going to die if you married that girl who was not your soul mate.

Then the best man says, you know the greeks dont write obituaries they just ask one question when someone dies... did he have passion?

I spent the morning reading letters that Hubby had written me from Boot Camp and then all the months we were seperated and I discovered some really important things that I had forgotten.

We were bad. If I didnt have 4 children who would be horrified by more information than that I would clue you in... but for real we did some crazy stuff.

Is passion the same as lust?

Why did I think we were so grown up when our letters just proved how immature and unrealistic we were? I wanted a baby 5 minutes after we were married. Why? We were 18 and 19, just children ourselves and yet we, or should I say, I wanted desperately to have something that was just ours to love and care for. We could barely take care of ourselves at the time and yet there we were just 6 months later, pregnant and 9 months after that, parents.

Hubby did like hugs at one time and perhaps they were saved just for me but... again where have i failed my family that they do not appreciate a good hug from someone? Hugging is intimate, it creates a closeness that brings you together. I love to hug my family but they hate it so I try to control it. I love to hug my cousins and they are all great huggers too. When we get together and hug, it lasts minutes because neither of us wants to let go first. We hug each other tight and long because we have to make up for all the time we havent hugged. I would kill for a hug from my cousin Janice or Dawn right now.

Hubby told me he loved me after we were together for 2 weeks. I didnt remember that. In fact I thought I told him at 1 month and he didnt respond. That is how I remember it, apparently my memory was flawed because I found a letter today that said "I dont know if you know this because I never told you but I love you" The letter was dated August 15, 1984. Our official going out date is July 30th, 1984. So he loved me that quick. And for this long. I still find it hard to believe that this summer we will have been together for 25 years. And known each other for a little longer than that, maybe 2 years before. It's hard to love someone for this long, yet we have done it,so far, you know except for the snoring.

When we were together for like 3 months I couldnt stand how nice he was to me and I wanted the relationship to end. In my defense I think my parents constant fighting scarred me from truly appreciating when someone was being nice to me and I equated niceness with weakness not strength like I now believe it is. He wrote me a beautiful letter asking me what I wanted from him. Did I want him to leave me alone or could we still be together? I think it said "If you can still see us together we can go back to making more beautiful memories like the ones we have already made" He left a white stuffed bear on my car at work and when I asked him how he knew if maybe someone stole it off my car, he said "I waited in the parking lot to make sure you got it" I still didnt think I could live with someone so nice and we were apart for like 3 months until I came to my senses. I cannot for the life of me remember what made me appreciate him but I am thankful that I did because my life with him is something that I dont think I could have lived without. He has made me into a better person and besides the four amazing daughters I have, he has brought so much love and joy to my world, snoring and all.

Our early days together were filled with passion(or lust)I cant tell the difference. And so much constant confirming how much in love we were and how much we couldnt live without each other. We said it all the time and begged each other in an unspoken way to confirm to each other how important we were in each others lives. It was so desperate and so immature but yet so filled with love and caring. It is hard to explain and yet I am compelled to explain it. All we had was each other and that is how we wanted it.

We spent many months apart and contrary to popular belief, absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes it plays tricks on your mind and makes you believe that life is just fine without that person. I always had trouble being alone and in my senior year of high school after hubby left for the Navy, I was lost and sad and desperate for company. I tried hanging out with hubbys friends and lets just say I didnt realize that boys could be so disgusting to each other. More than one of them hit on me, more than one time and then told hubby that it was me who hit on them. Needless to say we were not friends much longer and I felt more alone than ever.

I was fighting with a lot of people my senior year in high school and couldnt wait to get out. I tried to graduate early but the principal of my school said I should stay to enjoy the senior activities. I wished him dead every day of the rest of that year and low and behold it finally worked and he had a heart attack the night before we graduated. Sickly I did not feel sad nor do I feel any regret now. Yes the message is dont piss me off. My voodoo spells work if I put my mind to it and since I havent slept in over a week, I have plenty of time for spells.

I digress.

Love can start at any time. I dont think there is an official time when you can safely say I love you and know for sure that the other person feels the same way or will say it back. Love changes so much that yes at 2 weeks you can feel something that seems like love. It starts off with passion and passion is as intense as love but it doesnt last. Passion is something that burns within you and replaces loneliness with a feeling that fills you up. It feels like love but it fades. Passion is great while things are good. Passion is quick to flee when things are bad. It is hard to feel passionate about anything when the toilets are overflowing and the kids have the croup and there isnt enough money to pay the bills. Or when you are overweight or have lost the perkiness in your boobs by breastfeeding too many damn kids. Or day in day out you go through the motions and dont have any time alone to rekindle the passion. It is hard to keep it going and that is why relationships fail. Because ultimately the only relationship that will last is a deep and permanent friendship, one that is cultivated over time.

If you cannot talk to your significant other about your hopes, dreams and fears now you will never be able to do it later. It needs to be there right from the beginning. Trust.. I trust that I can tell him my deepest darkest thoughts and he will be able to hear them from me. Really hear me say things that are important to me even if as a primitive man he only has enough blood to use for one organ and he chooses to use it for his brain when I need him to.

Passion is replaced by love, love is created by friendship. Time goes by and our love is changing, always changing. Did he have passion? Of course at one time we all have had passion. Did we think it was love? Sure we did, but hubby and I, we were lucky enough to have more than that. We were friends. We reached out of our loneliness and we held on to each other and through all the tornadoes and collapses we held on. We were so young and so naive and yet we both wanted the same things. We wanted it all, the friendship, the passion, the love, we wanted it and we wanted to make it grow. We built our life on it and over the years as things got harder, it was our passion for our friendship that made it last. It was our passion for respect that made it last.

Through all the letters i read this morning I remembered things I had forgotten about our relationship. How desperate we were to make it work. How us against the world we made our life together. How deep passion has grown into love, love that transcends time and distance. Distance forced us to evaluate the realness of it. We didnt have the luxury of blind passion, we had the luxury of long precious letters. Letters that can be reread when the going gets tough and the passion seems to have faded.

i havent looked at those letters in a long time and since this has been a seriously sucky week I am glad I looked at them today. It reminded me of quite a few things that I needed to see.

First, we are way better parents than our parents were, because for real, when I flew out to california at 17 years old and had my pocketbook stolen that first night and had to ask for help, what the hell were my parents thinking? they were so irresponsible in letting me go. and i was so young and stupid to think that i should be allowed.

Second, we made it despite some stupid mistakes. And I worry so much lately(which is why i cant sleep)and I spend my nights thinking how will my kids survive in this world. How will D1 find a job in this economy, can D2 really continue along partying her way through Europe, D3, oh forget about that, my anxiety over her ranges from decisions I made years ago to have her skip a grade to whether or not she will be ok next year in college to why wont they let her go to All State Nyssma, and D4, I worry that with the way things are going i will not be strong enough to continue my stalking of her when its needed and necessary.

But my kids will make it too. They have a good base and they will survive like we did, making their own stupid mistakes and going on, because they have to, they have passion for life, and that is what you need in the moments of darkness.

Third, we didnt have facebook, we didnt have text messaging, we had letters, hand written that i can go back and look at. So I can remember. when the going gets tough I can take those letters out of their precious place in my closet and hold them in my hands and remember what I was doing when I held those letter 24 years ago. I forgot we were that young, so full of life, so incapable of listening to our parents wisdom. We bared our souls to each other, leaving us raw and exposed and together we healed our wounds so that we could become the people we wanted to, the people we have grown into because of each others tenderness in caring for the other when it was needed.

Fourth, we started off with nothing and amidst the chaos of our life we have built something that is unique and precious. We accomplished what very few people have. We are in our 40's, we have amazing children that are out paving their way in the world and we love each other still. I dont know that the things we said in those letters could ever or should ever be repeated but it was fun to look back and remember how little we had and how much we have now.

I stay up nights wondering what I did wrong and why I didnt notice it sooner. Why at 41 years old do I feel incapable of handling my children and how at 41 am I going to be the mom I was years ago, planning special things, doing for everyone equally? Where did my passion go? How can I get it back?

I found my soul mate. I never doubted for a second that we would be able to make it through. In the old letters I found today, there was desperation, there was immaturity, there was lust and neediness but underneath all that was passion for a life that we longed to have. And we do.

and all because two people fell in love. At 2 weeks. And forever.