Here is my take on a classic children's story...If you give a Moose a Muffin...
If you give a Moose a High Powered Assault Rifle
She is going to want some bullets to go in it
But when you get her the bullets she'll ask for a helicopter to fly around in
You'll get her the helicopter and She'll say
"Come on, Lets go play a game"
So you'll get in the helicopter and you'll be flying around when she says
Show me the Wild things
And you'll point out the raccoons and the fox and the squirrels
And she'll say No Silly I want to find the Wild things like the gays and the Muslims and the African Americans, and my sisters ex husband
who have no morals
And you'll point out Ellen DeGeneres and Lindsay Lohan and before you can say Tom Cruise she will have shot them in the back along with the Muslims at the mosque in Selden and all the people who work at planned parenthood
She will land the plane and ask you for her hunting knife
when you give it to her she will cut the heads off the people she shot
and eat their guts raw
Do you have any hooks, she'll ask
for what you say
To hang these in my house in Wasilla Alaska
We like to hang wild things on our walls
You will get her the hooks
And then she'll say
My clothes are all bloody
Can you get me some new ones from Neiman Marcus
Only if you come with me you say
I dont know she says
Do the Jews own that?
When you get her the clothes
She will think she can be vice president
She will put on Tina Fey glasses and a funny hair do
Can I talk about politics she'll say
Sure you say
But when she starts talking about politics you will realize that she is just some hillbilly from Alaska, who says words like Maverick and Change over and over while wearing pig lipstick and smirking like a pregnant teenager with a secret
Then she'll want to go on TV and pretend she knows what she is talking about
And then other hillbillies in the country will listen to her talk about her rifle and her protecting us from Wild things and
She might get to be vice president
When she does she will move her family to Washington
and she will ask
Do you have a place for our dogsled and our gun collection and our pregnant daughter and her dirt bag boyfriend?
Um I am not sure you say
so you find her a house in DC
But she doesnt like it because you cant use your helicopter to shoot poor defenseless polar bears and wolves and there are people there who are "different"
can you get me a bullhorn she asks
and when you get her the bullhorn she will walk through the streets of Washington DC screaming, Jesus hates you if you are gay and want to get married, Jesus wants you to abstain from sex, Jesus doesnt love you if you use birth control, He loves you more if you give birth to damaged kids because you are too old to have children.. He loves you more if you hate people who are different and He loves you only if you are a white god fearing christian
And she will wink and laugh and you will say
Are you serious
And she will say
You betcha, my little maverick
And you will try to get away
but she will say Take me to the White House
And when you do
She'll see John McCain lurking and stumbling around incoherently in the White House hallways
And she will think about becoming president
She'll ask you for her bullets and when you get it for her
Chances are
She'll want her High Powered Assault Rifle to go with them.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
If you give a moose a high powered assault rifle
Posted by Nancy at 8:17 AM
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2 comments:
You are so weird. How am I related to you again? Your application of children's book to describe politics is hilarious, but a little frightening.
-D1
If you give a Nancy a blog space,she will ask you for a computer, then she will use it to make you pee in your pants. Tooooo funny. Wall material!!
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