My choice....

Today is a day for Celebration...

A day America made a choice and put aside racism and false accusations for what was probably the most incredible election of my lifetime.

I heard people talk about the election of John F. Kennedy with the same feelings of hope and possibilities for the future.

We made a choice yesterday people... sort of like the choice I just made now when I turned my computer on...Blog about the most important day in our history or watch a lecture on the classifications of bacteria...it was a tough choice... but since I aced my meeting with my bio professor the other night... I thought the world needed my input today more than I needed to know that Bacteria are of the Kingdom Monera...

I just re watched President Obama speech (doesn't that have a nice ring to it).. and I have chills and tears in my eyes..(no I am not getting the flu) Its a moment that will remain in my mind forever... or at least until the full blown Alzheimer's kicks in.

when he spoke about his wife, his best friend for 16 years, his rock and the center of his whole life... I cant help it... I started crying... because I am grateful that through slavery and riots and racism that we could see past the color of this skin to the person he is on the inside...not a good black man... but a man who is an incredible person, who is brilliant and worldly and a dad who adores his girls, who happens to have a darker pigment of skin than some of the people in this world and a lighter pigment of skin than others...

I am overwhelmed with the possibility of change... real change...I don't think I have felt this way since September 11th when people put down their feelings of pain and suffering and came together in a way that I had never seen before in my life...for each other... for hope and peace...

I feel like we can do anything...we can save our planet and bring peace to the world...we can walk our streets without fear and we can maybe pay our bills.

I know this a lot for a President who is coming into the world that has been damaged in the last 8 years of ignorance and debilitating disregard. but I feel like maybe Obama can do it. Maybe just maybe...things will improve for everyone...whether you are gay or straight, married or single...black or white or yellow or red...

A man who came from nothing and made something of it... a role model for us all... it can be done... we just need to put our minds to it...

We make choices everyday that affect the world we live in.. do we hold the door open for our fellow man... do we stop on the side of the road when someone is broken down...do we reach out to others who have less than we do... do we have Mallomars or milanos..these things impact the world we live...maybe if we all ate more Mallomars during the year they wouldn't take them away in June...only 7 more months...stock up people..

Make a choice today... to better this Earth...don't litter (D#1), smile at a stranger, help a little old lady cross the street, hold the door, say thank you more, recycle(no really I am going to get a green can this weekend) call your mom and tell her you love her and she is amazing(hint hint)be real, like the velveteen rabbit, if you love something or someone tell them, give up your grudges, (i will try, no promises on this one)and just think about the possibilities of the future...

It got a little worrisome yesterday and my friend Ellen and I planned our escape in case McCain and Palin won...first we would cut up all the bears and make giant coats out of them... we would load up the car with all the kids and all the bears...we would make our way north to Nebraska where we would leave the kids(yes this is still going on)see The State of Nebraska has an awesome new law blog if you don't get this reference...then off to Alaska we go to prove that Bristol Palin is really the mother of Trig...(that is why we need the warm bear coats) We would bring Herman, our very large moose mascot to scare away the other Moose with the High Powered Assault rifles (see If you give a moose a high powered assault rifle blog) and once we had our evidence we would try to live in Canada but since its way too cold and our bears might keep us warm enough we would make our way to the Caribbean via Mississippi(because gas is 1.96 there, really)and we would stuff the bears full of cocaine and then send them to Bristol Palins boyfriend Levi so he could sell some drugs and make some money to escape...

Thankfully... none of this needs to happen because we are saved...Our country is on the mend and all is right with the world... except that Mallomar thing... I really have to work on that...

Election Day...Are we moving to Canada?

With Election Day finally here and the possibility that we may be moving to Canada tonight if Obama doesnt win... I thought I would lighten it up with some funny family anecdotes.

In our family, my thought has always been that if we make fun of each other then when others make fun of us, it wouldnt hurt as bad. I know it sounds sadistic but kids are so mean to each other in school, you need a plan to combat the mean girls.

Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!

Cady: And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.
Janis: What does it say about me?
Cady: [lying, because the book describes Janis as a dyke] You're not in it.
Janis: Those bitches!

So, we are kinda mean to our own because... well, someone has to do it.

These may be some "you had to be there moments" but try to laugh along...

On a trip to bring D#1 to college, 5:30am, in the blue mini-van...

Mom: D#1, what kind of pop tart do you want?
D#1: Light Brown
Check out the word "synesthesia"

Sometime in the not so distant past...

D#2: Since when has noon been at 12 O'Clock?
Mom: What time did you think it was?
D#2: Noon is 11 O'Clock.

Walking down the street right outside of Grand Central Station in Manhattan...
People are honking while sitting in traffic...

D#3: Stops in her tracks, whips around and says "Do I have a sign on my back that says "Honk if I'm pretty?"

Mcdonalds, sitting in a booth next to an older couple...

D#4: Burps really loud
D#4: "Ooh, I'm sorry, that was totally inappopriate"

While watching The Mole, one of the puzzles is "Red & Blue = ___________________

Us:Purple
Hubby:"Is that a known fact that red and blue make purple?"
Us:Yeah like in Kindergarten 101.


Now being the writer of the blog and having creative license I have chosen to leave myself out of this family bashing... really I just couldnt think of any dumb thing I have ever said... No really I cant.

My girls are so different from each other it baffles me the more I learn about DNA how many different combinations they make up. You see in some families, kids who look exactly alike, or where every kid is a doctor. Not in this family...

D#1: Only kid with straight hair...5'7"...looks irish...loves to read...like obsessively...loves math and will spend her days with numbers and love it...loves to cook and is really good at it...would try any food and once ate Bambi in Disneyworld...played golf and tennis in high school...was 8th in her high school class...hates socially awkward situations although seriously freaked out recently on someone who said Obama was a terrorist,,,hahaha

D#2: Curly Black hair(ok maybe it comes from a bottle, the black not the curls)...5'7 1/2"...super social...would rather have a book burning party then read...would eat rice krispies treats as a main staple...played lacrosse in high school...homecoming queen...avoids confrontation more than her mother...will rule the business world with her super creative business and public relation skills...wont talk politics but sends very funny anti palin material...

D#3: Blonde Super Curly hair...5'5" and growing...the "little one in our family"...only kid who lives in the music world...plays violin, guitar, sings and loves to be on stage...laughs uncontrollably in socially awkward situations...like in temple when I sneezed really loud...talks about eating healthy as she eats candy...oh wait thats me...her too...has no appendix and no tonsils...tried sports but seriously didnt get the whole "sweating" thing...dislikes animals but will say puppies and babies are cute from afar...

D#4: Up until a few days ago...pink hair, we dyed it for breast cancer awareness month, it didnt grow in that way...5'10" and still growing...where does that come from?...hubby is about the same height as her and I am 5'6".Oh yeah... she was switched at birth with our real daughter...has been in the emergency room more times than all the other girls combined...2 concussions, 2 broken arms, 5 dislocated elbows, broken tooth...plays a sport every season...tennis...volleyball...basketball...track...will
also rule the world someday...wants to be a doctor...loves kids and puppies...

so you see how different each one is...it is amazing how individual they are... yet... they all have gorgeous blue eyes and just incredibly special parents...hahaha...they are all super smart and kind and loving...and they make me proud each and every day.

I love the differences in them and I love to see them all together and see how similar they are... we havent been all together since June and I cannot wait for Thanksgiving...for all the yelling and talking and debating and gossiping and cooking and eating... i miss the chaos that used to be our house...although sometimes the quiet is good too...


Hopefully we will be celebrating Thanksgiving here at home and not on the road to Canada... where we will have to make a new life if McCain/Palin win. I think we missed thanksgiving in Canada...maybe the carribean, its a little warmer there...No worries...pina coladas on thanksgiving...yeah I can see it...

Disturbing News Stories of the Day

My plan was to quickly blog last night so I could study biology today, BUT.....

Last nights blog was so random and pointless I felt the need to redeem myself.

(look I cant be funny ALL the time, this week was a very unfunny kind of week)

And how can I study when I have these disturbing news stories on my mind...

Story #1... and feel free to play along with one of my favorite games "which story is most disturbing"

A man in North Carolina found a mouse baked into his Arnold Hot Dog Buns that he bought from BJs wholesale club. He called Arnold who told him to send the rolls back and dont go telling no media folk about this. just send the mickey rolls back and no one will get hurt. Oh except the mouse but he is already in that big mouse trap in the sky.

So... getting right on that "sending back the rolls thing" he calls NBC news. Here was his argument of why he didnt send the rolls back like they asked. "Mice dont travel in isolation, he probably had some mouse friends and where are the now, baked into some hamburger buns or the low carb arnold bread I always buy from BJs."

Now I dont think I have blogged about it often but I have rodent issues. Lots of them. In every house I have ever lived in we have been visited by little pooping creatures in the night. And it is not because we are dirty people...it is that every house I have lived in has been a fixer upper with cracks all over and we couldnt fix them until we found where they were coming from. We did have one terrifying incident with a rat who pretty much walked in the front door of the garage and ... well lets just say the story is of a rat, underwear and chocolate and that is all i will say until i blog about it another time.

They showed the hotdog rolls, with the mouse baked in over and over this morning on the news. I was literally gagging. I have tried to locate a picture but I havent been able to find one yet. If i do, look for it on future blogs because it is a sick sight and everyone should see it.

Story #2...The guy that killed his wife and then made up the most ridiculous story about it. So he comes home from a trip to Vegas and she is pissed. What wife wouldnt be? and she freaks out a little and he chokes her to death...this seems to be a theme this week with crazy men killing their wives and other family members like with Jennifer Hudsons family and the guy in Center Moriches who decided he was gay at 43 years old after being married and having a few kids. He tells his wife, she wants a divorce, shocking I know, and he thinks, well, I really cant picture her with someone else. So he puts cyanide in her coffee. No joke. His kids are in foster care, his wife is in a coma because he didnt even succeed in killing her thats how much of a loser this guy is and now he gets his wish to be gay, because he will spending a lot of time in prison trying not to drop the soap.

Back to the original killer... he chokes her after their little tiff and he keeps her body in the apartment and plans this elaborate way to cover it up. He goes to the laundrymat which he always does on Sundays, he eats at McDonalds and shops at Walmart. you want to know why he shops at Walmart? Because there are cameras there and that is how the killers usually get caught, buying a ski mask, black plastic bags and a shovel. i know you are thinking what if its cold and I just want to pick up some leaves and bury them in a hole in the yard? Buy tampons with it that will probably through them off.

He waits until dark and uses her car and drives her to dump her body to a "remote location" on the LIE. Umm not very remote you stupid moron, but really I guess rocket scientists have no need to be hiding bodies. Its not like 50,000 people drive past there on a daily basis, probably even more.

And he uses her phone to text his phone to say "Honey, my car has a flat tire, I am on the side of the road less than a mile from home, come get me, i love you" then he texts her phone back. "Be right there I love you"

Then he drives her car to the Seaford oyster Bay expressway (135 for you Long islanders) and lets the air out of her tire and goes home to wait.

Then he cries on tv and says I just want my wife back, I dont even care about the car, UMM what? I knew he did it the first time I say him speak. I predicted it when the guy in 1987 said his wife went for a walk on Christmas Eve and never came back. he got caught getting the black bags and shovel from 7-11 though. TOTALLY different story.

What is the most disturbing part of this story? The fact that he choked her to death? The fact that he created this elaborate story to cover it up? Or the fact that now his lawyer says his confession was coerced and he didnt really kill her? Yeah he just got all the facts from a CSI he just watched right? He made it all up and the real killer is still out there. Wait a second i seem to remember another story about a guy who killed his wife and said the real killer was still out there but i think there was a glove and some racists that ruined the case... hmmm

So was the guy a maniac all along or did he wake up one day and think how can i make up a crazy plan to get rid of my wife? The guy who killed Jennifer Hudsons family was the ex husband of her sister. He had been in jail for 7 years before for assault and attempted murder. Ok I dont like to have to point out the obvious here but here is some advice from me...If a man is a crazy psycho when you meet him, he will most likely be a crazy psycho again, it wasnt that his first wife drove him to it, like he will say or whatever the hell these men say that make women drawn to them, really girls stay the hell away from these maniacs, the signs are always there. The husband who killed his wife and hid her body, was a stockbroker trainee, you know what that means right? I dont have a job and I answered an ad in the Yankee Trader that said Make a Million dollars this year working from home. Code for Loser with no job.

Now some may have mentioned that my plan to run off with Kid Rock, when he realizes that what he needs is a middle aged, overweight, mother of 4 and stops dating those slutty girls like Pam Anderson, is a bit of a "bad boy addiction" that might be dangerous to me. here is my answer.





but seriously... Kid Rock tried to claim he grew up in the projects but he didnt. he grew up in an upper class lily white neighborhood in Michigan. He went to live in the projects with some ghetto friends when he was 15, but his mom used to go pick him up for his orthodontist appointments. Fakely bad boy... I love him...Bawitaba

Story #3

McCain and Palin are still running for President/Vice president of the United States. Seriously folks. this joke is not over yet? hahaha, we fooled the american public.. it was a giant "Trick" and I think today should be our treat and they should just bow down like the losers they are. I just read an article that said that McCains top advisors will be using Palin as the scapegoat when they lose. Really? they say she is a "diva" and a "whack job". No I not making this up you can read this story by going to this link...

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/us_world/McCain_camp_trying_to_scapegoat_Palin.html

they said she is not following the script, because apparently that is working so well for John McCain.

Well my computer is about to shut off on me because my battery sucks but feel free to rank them yourself until I come back...

miss me miss me now you gotta kiss me

ok seriously.

i absolutely cannot blog right now.

it is D minus 4 hours until my favorite holiday and i must prepare.

i am already watching Rocky Horror Picture Show which is absolutely priceless.

being a "borderline" diabetic, halloween has been a challenge for me.

but as usual i figured out a way around it.

I dont eat any actual real food on halloween,

that way the other food doesnt interfere with the metabolism of sugar.

Just candy for breakfast lunch and dinner.

After my coffee of course.

Years ago when my blood sugar was even worse than it is now,

Hubby went to pick children up from trick or treating in the better neighborhoods. You know the ones that give FULL size candy bars out?

And i sat with D#4 and ate an entire bowl of candy while he was gone.

Needless to say D#4 and I were both in a coma with candy wrappers strewn all over us and the couch when he returned.

and i awoke the next day with a hangover.

so in order to prepare this year...

i will eat nestle crunch bars for breakfast because they have rice krispies in them and that is the same as eating cereal

and i will eat candy corn for lunch, because corn is good for you, along with reeses peanut butter cups because there is protein in peanut butter

and then i will eat butterfingers for dinner because although butter has fat in it, fingers like chicken fingers are a decent thing to eat for dinner.

And the best news of this whole story is that I finally understand Glycolysis and in case you didnt know what that was...

glycolysis is the breakdown of a molecule of glucose

and glucose is sugar

and it breaks down to pyruvic acid and sometimes undergoes fermentation

which is just like drinking a beer

so.. think of halloween like another one of my favorite holidays

St. Patricks Day...just with the addition of glycolysis.

If you give a moose a high powered assault rifle

Here is my take on a classic children's story...If you give a Moose a Muffin...


If you give a Moose a High Powered Assault Rifle

She is going to want some bullets to go in it

But when you get her the bullets she'll ask for a helicopter to fly around in

You'll get her the helicopter and She'll say

"Come on, Lets go play a game"

So you'll get in the helicopter and you'll be flying around when she says

Show me the Wild things

And you'll point out the raccoons and the fox and the squirrels

And she'll say No Silly I want to find the Wild things like the gays and the Muslims and the African Americans, and my sisters ex husband

who have no morals

And you'll point out Ellen DeGeneres and Lindsay Lohan and before you can say Tom Cruise she will have shot them in the back along with the Muslims at the mosque in Selden and all the people who work at planned parenthood

She will land the plane and ask you for her hunting knife

when you give it to her she will cut the heads off the people she shot

and eat their guts raw

Do you have any hooks, she'll ask

for what you say

To hang these in my house in Wasilla Alaska

We like to hang wild things on our walls

You will get her the hooks

And then she'll say

My clothes are all bloody

Can you get me some new ones from Neiman Marcus

Only if you come with me you say

I dont know she says

Do the Jews own that?

When you get her the clothes

She will think she can be vice president

She will put on Tina Fey glasses and a funny hair do

Can I talk about politics she'll say

Sure you say

But when she starts talking about politics you will realize that she is just some hillbilly from Alaska, who says words like Maverick and Change over and over while wearing pig lipstick and smirking like a pregnant teenager with a secret

Then she'll want to go on TV and pretend she knows what she is talking about

And then other hillbillies in the country will listen to her talk about her rifle and her protecting us from Wild things and

She might get to be vice president

When she does she will move her family to Washington

and she will ask

Do you have a place for our dogsled and our gun collection and our pregnant daughter and her dirt bag boyfriend?

Um I am not sure you say

so you find her a house in DC

But she doesnt like it because you cant use your helicopter to shoot poor defenseless polar bears and wolves and there are people there who are "different"

can you get me a bullhorn she asks

and when you get her the bullhorn she will walk through the streets of Washington DC screaming, Jesus hates you if you are gay and want to get married, Jesus wants you to abstain from sex, Jesus doesnt love you if you use birth control, He loves you more if you give birth to damaged kids because you are too old to have children.. He loves you more if you hate people who are different and He loves you only if you are a white god fearing christian


And she will wink and laugh and you will say

Are you serious

And she will say

You betcha, my little maverick

And you will try to get away

but she will say Take me to the White House

And when you do

She'll see John McCain lurking and stumbling around incoherently in the White House hallways

And she will think about becoming president

She'll ask you for her bullets and when you get it for her

Chances are

She'll want her High Powered Assault Rifle to go with them.

Nancy's Rules of the World...just like I promised

yeah yeah yeah I have about 2 hours before I need to bring D#3 to violin and I was going to start my homework but I wouldnt really have enough time and I promised I would write down my rules, people might be home on the edge of their seat waiting, and today sucked because we ran out of oil last night (D#1 and D#2 at least you safely left the island before we ran out of hot water)and so I couldnt shower this morning and I just ate a ridiculous amount of tostitos and cheese dip and stacy chips and spinach dip for no reason when I am supposed to be dieting and I told D#3 and D#4 that they couldnt use my lap top because I had homework...take a breath...blah blah blah... I am blogging!

Here are my simple rules for the World (not the Universe because things apparently are just getting more random there)

1. Based on my prior blog, we have determined that science and religion are not so far apart and you shouldnt believe in either one.

"Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."

Heres why...atoms, molecules,cells, cant see 'em, cant be real. God,Jesus,heaven,hell cant see 'em, cant be real. Scientists believe they are real because they cant prove differently, Priests molest little boys. Ok...simple rule...if you have to see it to believe it you are now called a Nancyist.

2. We should wear crowns all the time. Because that is what princesses do. I am not a feminist and I tend to be a tad bit old fashioned especially when it comes to relationships and the roles of men and women, who pays for the date and such. I have a prince. I dont let him wear a crown, Just me. He opens doors for me, lays his coat over big puddles so I dont get my imitation uggs wet and he scares off big dragons in the night. I know this is not "in" but really what are we fighting for ladies. We can have the great equal opportunities of men without giving up the pleasure of being treated like a princess, dragon slaying and all.

3. We should let people love and marry who they want. Love is universal. Animals, plants, (maybe not plants but I once saw a spider plant cry)...but we love, we feel, we dream of what our lives will be like and we want to share that with someone special. It is hard to find your true love in this big crazy world. Half of all marriages end in divorce. You fall in love with a person who is special to you, who treats you well, who makes you a better you. Male, female, it doesnt really matter.

4. We should all be in charge of our own bodies. Men do not have to carry babies and have never carried babies and should never be allowed to even comment on anything to do with babies unless they are going to be a daddy and want to mention a name they might like. Of course that doesnt mean anything but we can pretend that they can have a small part. Medically, emotionally, any reason I decide I cannot carry a baby to full term, so be it. It is my choice because until that baby can live on its own it may as well be classified as a virus. See I learned in Microbiology that viruses can only live attached to a host. I might not be such a slacker after all. But seriously folks, once they start forbidding this stuff, they will forbid birth control, getting your tubes tied, vasectomies, and anything else assosciated with preventing pregnancy.

5.People who make more money should pay more taxes. Let me explain why. Lets say you make 100,000 dollars a year. And you pay 30% in taxes so you bring home 70,000 dollars. In New York that is not enough to live on. You can barely pay your mortgage and you certaintly cant pay for oil and gas. So you struggle. Lets say you make 500,000 dollars a year and you pay 30% in taxes. You bring home 350,000 dollars per year. You can pay to live in a pretty nice place and you can eat and pay for your car and not run out of oil. Lets say you pay 50,000 dollars more. you still pay your mortgage, you still eat, you still do all the things you did before, maybe you skip one vacation a year. If the taxes get raised on the middle class, they cant send their kids to college without taking out huge loans(sorry girls). when you make 300,000 dollars a year you can. You see my point? of course you do.

6.The law should just make sense to everyone. You should not need a lawyer to sue someone who stole your store. You sell your store, you sign a contract, you shake hands, you agree that you are giving fat bastard the store and he is giving you the money for it. At some point he decides he doesnt want to pay. So you hire a lawyer and he never does and the judge says ok bring one next time. 1000 dollars to my lawyer. Return again, he has no lawyer, Mr. Fat Bastard you were told to bring a lawyer, why should I? Explanation by the judge again and another postponement. On and on for 3000 dollars worth of law bills. Now 15000 dollars later, still in court, he is fighting me with no reason and even if I do win my lawyer says I may never get the money. Why? Why does the law protect the criminals? Recently a close friend of my sister in laws, lost her husband when he was working a second job at a bar. A very drunk, drugged man was standing, dancing on a table and this guy, as the bouncer told him to get down. The guy on the table jumped off the table and in front of many witnessed strangled the bouncer to death. Even after he was unconscious the drunk still held on and he was brain dead in less than 4 minutes. There is a trial. The golf course where the killer worked is paying over 600,000 dollars for his defense. She has to go to court and listen to people say bad things about her husband that are untrue and possibly watch her husbands killer go free. I know that if i was ever in a situation where someone hurt my child, i would go all Samuel jackson, A time to kill on them. Hide in the closet of the court house with my shot gun and kaboom one shot to the head. In any case, the law should be simple and make sense. Do you know we had to go to court to make a date, to make another date for the trial? No kidding. Its a law raping thats it.

7. Kid Rock should be worshipped by all.

8. Candy corn should not just be for halloween and they should absolutely not take away mallomars for the summer. They leave out candy bars dont they and other chocolately goodness, why the mallomars, why oh why do they have to go? Candy should have no calories and spinach should make you fat.

9.People should raise their children like I have raised mine. This is a little too much information to have to go into right now but basically, kids should have responsibilities so they dont dye their husbands navy uniforms pink when they wash them with red socks. They should know that cinnamon does not go on steak and that when the check engine light goes on it is not just a suggestion. They should know how to be responsible for money and not think "how could I not have any money left, I still have checks" They should want knowledge not grades. I totally believe that it is what you learn that makes school important not what you got wrong because who cares who invented the first immunizations. You should value your kids opinion, unless they want to vote for Sarah palin, then you need to lock them up in a room until the election is over. There is no rule that says kids have to hate you, it just works out that way sometimes. If you cant follow these rules about children go bring them to Nebraska, they will be better off without you.

10.Dont lie, cheat or steal. I know it would be too naive to think that things were better in the past, I am sure there was lying and cheating and stealing but when did it become just about us and not about our village. I do not like Hillary but she did have a point, It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to recognize that we arent on this earth to get what we can for ourselves. We are here to learn and share and grow. Why cant we just be honest with ourselves and others? It would make the world less scary. Ok, I dont understand your religion or your culture Osama Bin Laden but I respect your right to believe it until the time you killed people in the name of your god. Respect my right to be a Nancy and I will respect your right until you piss me off and hurt mine, then I will elect a president who is gonna get you and stop you. Lets just spend a little more time getting to know about others and what they believe and not just decide that you are a drunk because you are Irish, or in the mob because you are italian or cheap because you are a jew. Learn from everyone. every person has something to share, even the ignorant. You know what I say... sometimes all its worth is the story you can tell about it later but sometimes that is enough.

Please feel free to add your rules for the world below. I would add more but really I cant blog all day now can I?

Peace to you and yours, Always.

Gravity... if I cant see it, its not real.

Ok... so Monday night was my Microbiology test. After that we were supposed to be discussing CELLS. da da da dun

Let me give you a little background on this college again. I am not sure I described it exactly. The college is Empire State College and it is a SUNY school for adults. There are some kids who go there too but mostly for people who pretended to go to college when they were young and drove to the mall everyday instead.(Actually that wasnt my fault, Stony Brook was minutes away from the Smithhaven Mall and my car would get stuck going forward and just never make the turn to get to school)

The college has this unique program where you can write papers on your life events and get college credit for them. I thought this would be an easy scam to get credits but it isnt. You have to demonstrate college level learning in the form of a very long paper and then they are evaluated by professionals in that field and you can get between 1 and 4 credits per paper.

Soooo... my first paper was on Traumatic Brain Injuries because of how I took care of my brother in law after he was injured in a snowboarding accident. See blog The Biggest Little city in the World, Part 2 Mickey Mouse Sucks, Comas and Brain Injuries and Pregnant sisters oh my and the long and winding road for more information on this topic. (Yeah I got a little stuck on that subject, sorry)

The paper was 17 pages long. I know you are thinking to yourself, no way, Nancy is such a brief writer, how could she have come up with 17 pages. I actually had to stop the paper because it was so upsetting to relive and also it was finally due and I had to stop somewhere. I learned so much from that experience. I have to say that is what led me to realize that owning a girls sporting goods store was not for me and my life really had to include some sort of public service in a medical field. (Hence, Genetic Counseling, hence, Microbiology, hence why the hell am I blogging when i only got a 76 on my test) (woops, I gave away the surprise ending to the story)

Well, whatever...my second paper was on Owning and Operating your own business. It took me 6 months to write my business plan, I did all the research myself and spend countless hours finding information USING DIAL UP I might add. I included the business plan in my paper so that one was about 35 pages long. Shocked you are I know...

The third paper was on Volunteering as a Girl Scout Leader. I was a girl scout leader for all 4 of my girls but for Daughter #2 the longest. We went camping endless times and I have some great stories which I am saving for another time...

Ooh that just reminded me... this blog was supposed to be Nancys Rules for the World...ok maybe when I get home from work.

Back to Reality(oops there goes gravity)(that was for you D#2)In any case after the papers are done they are sent to this committee and you have to wait to see how many credits you get for them. I finished all these papers in June and I am still waiting. Probably because my original mentor, fell asleep during one of our meetings and just generally slacked off on my "mentoring".

No joke, he was reading my business paper and I looked at him and he was sleeping and I didnt know what to do so I shifted in my chair and kicked the desk and he startled awake, but fell right to sleep again. After sitting there thinking,is he dead, should I call 911, should I write on his forehead with Sharpie "sleeping mentor" which I lovingly call him now, no, not to his face...I finally said, ok I gotta go and he startled awake and said oh I think I zoned out for awhile. Umm yeah...now newly being crowned in the Mrs Alaska pageant, Mrs. confidence,(i did beat sarah palin out for that) I knew my paper was great so I didnt think it was me that bored him to sleep...he was like... i think its my new blood pressure medicine...yeah that happens to me too I said, so he wouldnt feel bad and I left.

Why is it that I always feel the need to make people who are clearly messing up feel better about themselves? Its not everyone really, just seriously old people and people who are so pathetic, watching them squirm is just painful. (not sarah palin though i would love to watch her suffer)

Now I think everytime he sees me its like "you know my little secret" and he avoids me. I have since changed mentors but I cant help wondering about the damage he did before I switched to my Bio professor as my mentor.

Long and Boring I know, let me get to the point Finally!

You register for classes and each class has a professor, You meet individually with your professor, they give you work, you go home and blog and then you return to be personally humiliated when you meet with your professor privately and have no idea what they are talking about.

Ok its not supposed to go exactly like that...

And I really should put a disclaimer here...I tend to exaggerate. No really, I do. So even though I constantly talk about procrastinating and never doing my work and being publicly humiliated, I could possibly be exaggerating a little. Like for instance it is possible that I have never gotten below an A in my classes. Just maybe.

The idea is a one on one meeting with your professor and you work at your own pace within a framework of the semester and then you get an evaluation with a grade at the end of the semester.

Now in the past I have taken about 5 counseling related classes. I read the book, I write my fabulous papers, I go in, discuss it with the professor,they tell me that I am brilliant, (which I kinda knew) and then I get more work, and go. No humiliation, no looks of horror. just general praise and yes i love that.

Enter Biology...I forgot to mention that you create your own major at this college and then you work with your mentor, not when he is sleeping, to create a group of classes that fits your major along with the core classes SUNY schools require. You know your basic english, math ,history blah blah blah...I made my schedule to be half biology and half counseling based on other programs and the requirements to get into a genetic counseling program.

The first biology class I took was Anatomy and Physiology and I was really scared, but then I realized that I have so many of the diseases and problems that we discussed I felt like I was cheating. When I had the test on the endocrine system I was like, I feel like I am cheating because I know all about the thyroid, pancreas, kidneys, liver because I have had issues with them all... and when I took the test on nerves and muscles I knew all about that because of my neck surgery last year. So I rocked that class like no other. I got an 84 on my first test and I was so dissapointed, that I got a 96 and a 98 on the next two.

I wont be embarassed by your applause...

Wow I have gotten so far from the original point of this blog which was...

I am taking two bio classes this semester along with two more counseling classes. All the counseling classes are read this book, write a paper, come in and discuss, done I get an A. The bio classes in the past were, watch this online lecture, take a test, sit painfully while he marks it and go home and get an A.

Cell biology... different format. Read these chapters, take notes, come in and we will discuss the material.

Did I ever mention that I dont actually believe in molecules and atoms and crap like that?

Ok so the first time we discussed cell biology, I was super humiliated. I literally had no idea what he was talking about although I read the chapter, took notes and thought ok we are done ever needing to know this.

I said words like Amphipathic and he said oh do you mean antiparallel and I didnt but I said oh yeah. Then he said what are proteins made up of and I said nucleic acids and he fell off his chair and I said no no no amino acids. But it was clear that I was a Cell Biology Dumbass. think president Bush when he is trying to pronounce the names of the foreign leaders...net..un..ya...hoodle??

this week I take my test on Microbiology and I do well on the multiple choice but the fill in the blank, no not so much. I would have gotten an 85 if he didnt have to grade the second part. I told him that I didnt study the parts of the different types of microscope because I thought it was really not that important and he said... you do know this is a class that is about things you can only see through a microscope right? Oh yeah...MICRO biology I get it. So do we call cell biology, invisible, cant see it so its not real biology, made up in some scientist who had nothing to do while all the other boys his age were dating biology??? NO... we dont. And that is why I didnt study the different microscopes or the people who invented crap because when I am telling two people that they shouldnt have children because there genes tell me that they are too ugly and stupid to reproduce... Neither of us will care that some guy named Leuwenhook or something saw the first cell in the 1600s
in cork. DO you agree or am I just being petty because I got them all wrong? And really, I only got one wrong but that doesnt make the point as well.

the purpose of this TALK we were going to have after my test was for him to convince me of the Law of thermodynamics. He said if I get nothing else in my life I should get that.

He starts explaining the law of thermodynamics which I blogged about somewhere else... it states that energy can be neither created or destroyed and that the universe is trying to become more random...

So he says... this is something you just have to accept, like gravity you believe in that right? and i say...yeah of course... and he says you know like evolution, you cant see that but you believe in that right and I am like....well and he says molecules and atoms... and I say... well I have trouble believing in abstract invisible things... and he laughs... invisible he says? as if its a question and I say can I see this and I point to a molecule of an unsaturated fat and he says oh no of course not but it exists and I like how do i know that and he says because its a well known thing like if we cant prove it wrong then we assume that it is right, we just believe that it is there because there is some evidence that it is and we havent had any evidence proving it wrong...


Sounds a little too much like religion for me...I need to create a new classification of people, if I said I was an atheist I would believe in science, if I was a GOD fearing christian with limited brain cells and warped ideas you would call me Sarah Palin but what should we call people that cannot believe in either one..

Oh this should be my first rule for Nancys Rules of the World... they can be called Nancies and they can stop using that name to mean losers and crybabies...,like you are such a nancy, or dont be a negative nancy...

No that is it from now on when you dont believe in something unless you can see it you can be called a Nancy...and we will know you by your crown... because that is rule number 2, crowns are required at all times....

Really the next blog will be about my rules for the world... read em and weep.