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Saturday, October 11, 2008


I have been away from my blog for a whole week now, mostly because after last weeks humiliating moments with my biology professor, I actually spent the week studying.

That coupled with fasting and atoning for my sins...pretty much took up my whole week.

Over the last week I have had some brilliant blogging ideas in my head, but I resisted.

And now... I got squat.

Really...I think my brain sent me a message the other day that said low disk space. I just dont have any memory left.

Now some people have mentioned that this was because I turned 40. I cant believe that one day you wake up at 40 and poof your memory is gone.

I think more likely what happened was the drugs took it away and ... well... i was too drugged to notice.

In case you are unfamiliar with what I am talking about here is the quick version... yes I can tell it quick...kinda

I woke up with a pain in my neck.

I spent the next 6 months going from doctor to doctor, having them judge me and blame everything other than what was really wrong with me.

And every doctor prescribed a different kind of drug. Nerve drugs, antipsychotics, pain killers, oh lots of pain killers, sleeping pills, anti inflammatories, steroids... the list goes on and on...

And for 6 months I walked around in a stupor... that never took the pain away.

yeah thats right because there was a bone spur broken in my neck that was poking through my disc into a nerve...

Not gonna be fixed with drugs, or shots, or anything other than surgery.

Well that was information that would have been helpful... YESTERDAY!!

Its like you start to think of something and you cant remember the name of a song or a name from your past and you feel like its right on the tip of your tongue...

Well now... its like my tongue has been cut off. No tip. I have tried and tried to think of things that I have forgotten and there is just no connection... no feeling of "maybe if i think a little harder" no nothing...this is your brain on drugs...

So when my biology professor said "Are those held together with ionic or covalent bonds?" and I said "ionic" and the look on his face was of total horror... i couldnt even remember the name "covalent" so I said..."the other one"

Sadly I think this is what stupid people must feel like everday.

And here is my other problem with the whole memorizing of the biology stuff...

Contrary to popular belief, my brain functioning is set in reality...mostly...and I just dont understand certain information such as "...40,000 of these can fit on the head of a pin..."

or "... the second law of thermodynamics is that everything in the world is trying to become more random..."

"Entropy...It is a measure of the randomness of molecules in a system and is central to the second law of thermodynamics and the fundamental thermodynamic relation, which deal with physical processes and whether they occur spontaneously"

Is anyone else scratching their head and screaming... what does that mean and who the hell cares?

ok good... i thought it was just me.

so seriously... I read an entire chapter on beliefs, theorys and laws and what makes each believable to scientists...

Apparently the first and second LAW of thermodynamics is real. To someone. Because its a law and it takes a lot to earn that title. You dont just get to be a LAW, you have to earn it with years and years of science guys trying to prove you are wrong.

But the Big Bang Theory...see the word theory in there, that implies that there is still some questioning going on even among the guys with 4 inch glasses, nose hair and pocket protectors. If they cant even be sure, come on, how can we?

So maybe I dont really believe in molecules and atoms and black holes... maybe although I have spent my whole life shunning religion and peoples BELIEFS, which apparently are way below THEORIES and LAWS in the big bad science world, maybe just maybe I find it more believable that there is a spirit that lives in the sky and judges our every move that created all this.

The trees, the water, the sky, the people, the animals and of course mallomars.

My father is an atheist scientist, which I guess goes hand in hand and he made fun of Noahs Ark recently, thinking it was ridiculous that some ancient bearded guy in the desert could build an enormous boat and convince two of every animal to get on board when a flood was coming.

Yet he believes that in the span of 13.7 billion years, when there was absolute nothingness, at the perfect moment, all things came together and exploded and poof there was a universe...then to keep this absurd thought going further he believes that all the elements that we need for today, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen(yeah that one is pretty important)hydrogen and all the other ones I couldnt possibly remember from the periodic table...were made and mixed together in some kind of wierd soup that created life forms and first there was a cell, then an alligator, then monkeys and then us.

Ok so maybe it took a little more time than that, but basically that is the premise of all life.

And in order to believe that theory, you must also believe in exponents and logarithms and things to the negative power.

Like these parts of the cell I have been reading about. They are measured in nanometers, like 10 to the -7 power.

Yeah and people have trouble believing in Unicorns? Yet they believe that invisible microparticles can transport proteins through our bodies that make us have blue or brown eyes, or make us tall or short?

Not a very believable THEORY, I must say.

So I have been rethinking my plan to become a genetic counselor because apparently although these scientific ideas are just theories, most of these loser geeks in the science world think its REAL.

I think I almost believe more that a giant bunny comes and hides eggs in my house and leaves me candy on Easter...or that Mary was actually a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus...Or that a jolly old fat man with elves knows how much I needed Mrs. Beasley and the easy bake oven and snuck into my house, ate my cookies and left them for me under a giant tree.

Yeah that or dinosaurs? ice ages? wooly mammoths?

Not very convincing.

My brain just doesnt understand abstract... chemistry, geometry, picasso, exercising

I only understand what I can see... or invent in my head...reality...like the tv shows, you know? Real stuff...being stranded in a remote place with beautiful people in dirty underwear trying not to get voted off, or competing with other fatties to burn more weight yet also stay on long enough to win the million dollars...trying to become the BFF to Paris Hilton.

All real, believable and not invisible made up stuff...like the endoplasmic reticulum and ribsomes and DNA,

I mean really its not like reality tv is any way tainted, like the News or Professional sports,

...that may as well be as real as the protons, neutrons, quarks...yeah them and the tooth fairy...