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Saturday, November 22, 2008

Facebook Stalking

What is going on with the adults today?

Grow up. Move on. Seriously.

Here is a very serious question. When is it too old to create a facebook?

I am totally cool with...you started your facebook in high school, now 6 years have gone by and you still have it, but you dont update it everytime you change your underwear...

Nancy is...wishing it was 1984.

Nancy left a comment on your wall. You cant return to high school to prove to the cool kids now that you are some respected member of the adult community. They dont care. You are still a loser geek in the eyes of the kids today.

Here is the deal, our kids dont even really know a world without instant gratification. You need to talk to someone? You can reach them wherever they are on their pantech matrix or iphone. And if you have something better to offer they will ditch their plans for better ones.You can see what anyone is doing just by stalking them on facebook.

Nancy is "in a relationship" and "believes in her own new religion Nancyland".

Maybe I tend to be a little old fashioned. Just a little. I admit it.

My name is Nancy and I think technology ruined the world.

Hi Miss Nancy. Welcome to Old Fashioned Anonymous held in the barn with a gas lamp to light our way.

I am always the last to get anything electronic because... well I just always think I should wait for it to be proven before I jump on the bandwagon.

I had rollup windows in my car until 1998. I still have VCRs in my house because I am just not certain that whole DVD thing is gonna stick. When I ordered a new stove, I told the salesman, I dont really want a digital stove. I dont trust it. It could take on a life of its own and start roasting a chicken in the middle of the night. Lets just get it with the little clock and the knob so I have total control. No surprises from a rogue stove.

I broke down last year and asked for an ipod for christmas. Only because I ruined my mint collection of Shawn Cassidy and Michael Jackson albums trying to stick them into that small slot in the car above the radio. And my car didnt come with an 8 track player for my Neil Diamond tapes. Yeah its true I knew Michael Jackson when he was still black AND still had a nose, before the little boys.

I hate change. I love everything to stay the same. I order the same food from every restaurant I go to. I never try anything new. I got the same minivan 3 leases in a row. Ok one was purple, then green , then blue and I did finally break down and get automatic windows. But I still didnt trust them over bridges.

Yeah you think its funny? How are you going to roll down electric windows when the car goes off the bridge and is submerged in water? Exactly why now that they insist on putting them in every car, I make the kids roll down the windows when we go over bridges. You can never trust that ever changing technology.

Slowly almost every room in my house is becoming the same color. And not even completely on purpose. I just go to Home Depot and always come back with the same paint chip. "hey, that looks like the color from the bathroom?" "No I think this is cookie crumble, that color is crumbled cookie, way different."

I think boys should pay for dates if they asked you to go on them. You can graciously offer to contribute but only with the fake looking through your bag for money thing when the check comes. If they take it, ehhh, strike one. Actually that could be strike two if they didnt open the door for you to get into the car or the restaurant.

I wish I could be waiting at home for my hubby with a deliciously cooked dinner, pearls and high heels.

Well maybe not the heels.

I want boys to remove their hats in my presence, never ever curse around me and I want a handshake on a deal to mean something.

You know the good ole days. When we played in the streets and we chose teams. I dont remember it being so mean out in the street playing kick the can. When, if you werent good enough you didnt make the team but then you tried something else and you found your true calling. It forced you to look inside yourself for something else. You didnt just automatically get to be on the team so we wouldnt disspoint you.

Life before facebook,,,oh the good old days...

You actually had to call someone and ask them out on a date on their home phone. And when their Dad answered you had to say Hi Mr. Nancys Dad, can I please speak with nancy and ask her out on a date.

And the phone had a cord so you couldnt walk away to some private area, You stood right in the middle of the kitchen while everyone watched and teased you.

Ok so maybe I still have a corded phone. Once again, safety first. What if some killer broke into my house cut my electric wires and my cell phone was dead? Huh what then? Exactly, I will be calling the police on my corded phone and you will be dying a slow painful death in a pool of your own blood. Call me crazy but...I think I am on to something.

I think that the fax machine is the most magical creation of the 21st century. yes above internet and ipods because I can write with my own handwriting and send it to china if i want and they can see what I wrote. On paper. In my own handwriting.

when people go to give me their phone number I immediately go to look for a pen and paper and when people say why dont you just put it in your phone, i say, well... what if my phone loses it? I will always have this little piece of paper to rely on.

That is how I remembered to write this blog.

Little piece of paper in my back pocket.

No reminders from my phone.

I have recently discovered that many adults in my family, ok yes every one of them has a facebook.

My kids alerted me to that fact and then let me see a little of Facebook. I cant believe you can see every persons comments and conversations. It is like stalking really. You know instantly when people are fighting or "hooking up" or doing some other sleazy thing.

Here is my dilemma...Am i just shunning the forward thinkers of the world by not having a facebook? Is this like the corded phone, the rolldown windows and the vcr player? Am i making fun of them because i think its totally ridiculous that someone has time to update their every move or am i just hanging out with my friends from Old Fashioned Anonymous too much, driving our horse and buggies to our meetings, wearing our dresses and warming our hands in muffs, talking about the good old days, when your word meant something and you could only torture your enemies to their face and not with some mean bumper sticker...

am i THAT person... who refuses to learn how to use her new cell phone and instead screams everytime for the kids to help? who wishes we could still take handwriting classes and grammar in school so we would know how to write a letter and not reduce everything to text words? who thinks nice boys hold doors and pay for dates and are parent friendly?

I could never have a facebook anyway because my kids would never accept my friend request. I would be that girl whose only friend was Tom. Oh wait... that is My space, wow I am really behind the times.

that is fine I am happy to have a blog that lets me say whatever I want anyway, I dont even have to join the group, Adults against facebook.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

And another thing....

Ok i forgot the most classic and most recent part of the D4 story.

As her Bat Mitzvah was approaching, I feared an injury was on the horizon. Who wouldnt really with her track record? So I warned her every day. She was playing volleyball and basketball at the time. Dont fall I'd say, everyday. Billy dont be a hero I'd say. Let the other kids throw themselves on the floor for the ball.

the week before her and her friends Bat Mitzvah, her friend breaks her ankle playing basketball. She was on crutches for the million dollar party. I worried everyday. Stay safe D4. Okokok, she was sick of me saying it but seriously it wasnt looking good.

We make it to the morning of the big day. Whew!! She is showered(no razor cuts), her hair is done(no burns from the staightener)All we have to do is put the dress on and while that can be dangerous(because she grew a couple of inches since we bought it)we thought we were in the clear.

Foolish thought really, looking back.

We are all sitting on my bed about to get dressed and D4 is in the bathroom.

Do you know most home accidents happen in the bathroom?

Well she walks into my room holding her head.

Haha I say. Cut it out.

Um no mom I hit my head on the medicine cabinet. I think I have a concussion.

Haha oh D4 you are so fu........

she moves her hand away from her head and she has a cut across the top of her head that looks a little like a frankenstein cut.

I immediately calculate how long it will take to get to the hospital and realize we dont have enough time for stitches.

oh stitches, it will be her first time.

I'll have a new picture for the baby book.

You cant see it in this picture. The photographer airbrushed it out of every picture. I wish it were that easy to erase the heart attack she gave us though.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Mcdonalds, a hook in the head and a pink cast

What do these things have in common?

You guessed it...D#4

In case you are a new reader, I have four daughters and being so ingeniously creative I call them D1 D2 D3 and D4. Hey I named them once already. It was too hard to come up with equally as beautiful fake names...

So... here's the story

of a lovely lady

who was busy breaking all her lovely bones

there were 4 kids

but shes the crazy one

and last night she ordered all our new phones...

If you know her you know the last line is in reference to the fact that she is the one we leave all the important decisions to. "D4, here is my debit card, go into Stop and shop and pick out our Ben and Jerry's flavors and make sure to use the stop and shop card to get the discount" She is always on top of that kind of stuff.

Here's the deal though... the kid barely has made it through her life...

First of all when she was born we were lulled into a false sense of our fantastic parenting... We had 3 perfectly behaved children. the kind of kids you don't mind sitting next to in any restaurant other than one where your food is wrapped in paper...Really, not just a bragging mom, these kids were perfect...

We patted ourselves on the back frequently and whispered about those "other" parents... you know the type... the ones offering anything to get their kids to sit down and take one more bite, whose kids are running through the stores and restaurants...its a shame we'd say... such bad parenting...

And then... dah dah dah DAH!!!! D4 is born...

she never slept for longer than 1 and a half hours. She ate literally every minute she was awake. And she grew... like the jolly green giant... she always knew she would be tall... based on the fact that she used to hold things over her head to keep it away from us... when she was 2...of course now she does it and... well she's 5'10" now, so she see what has happened...

Accident number 1...D4 is about a year old and D3 is not quite 3...Hubby is putting pajamas on them while I go shopping for Easter. I am not gone more than about 10 minutes when Hubby calls... you should come home he says.. whats the matter?...i rarely got out alone then and this was my chance for escape... i wasn't taking the loss of it lightly...nothing just come back...FINE!!!!!

so I head home and he is standing at the door with D4 and she is slipping in and out of consciousness. What the hell happened??? Well D3 was mad that Hubby had put her pjs on D4 and was pulling the dresser drawer out to get a different pair... the drawer pulled all the way out and D4 was laying underneath it getting her diaper changed by Hubby. bam, dresser drawer to the head....Concussion number 1

By the way... when we got to the emergency room she also had a 104 fever which had nothing to do with the accident just coincidence... Coxsackie... it was the first of many...

Accident 2: D4 is about 18 months old...never stops moving... hubby is pulling her around on the kitchen floor by her arms, Pop goes the weasel...or should I say Pop goes the elbow...We took her to St Charles emergency room where they xrayed it and said oh its just a sprain."Daddy broka my arm" she told them..by the next morning it was blue and it was hanging from her shoulder not moving at all. Go to the pediatrician... this is dislocated he says and pops it back in. Same hospital where just 3 years ago they killed my brother in law. We have been boycotting it since D4s accident. Don't go to St. Charles....

I wont bore you with all the details of the next FOUR elbow dislocations, rotating back and forth from arm to arm, but there was one on Labor day, and let me just point out, not a fun day to be in the hospital.. that one happened in walmart... D4 was always trying to escape and when you held her hand, she would let her feet go out from under her and hang. POP elbow out...Later on when we were scared to death of her elbow dislocating, she learned to let her feet go and we would let go of her hand so we wouldn't dislocate her elbow and then she would run. Once when D3 was trying to kiss her hand when literally I ran into the supermarket for one second and left all 4 of them in the car and D3 pulled her arm over the seat of the car and Pop. I was on my to Girl scouts that day with apples to bake apple pie and thank god my pediatrician was in and just popped it back into place. Nancy they said, you are going to have to learn to do this yourself... no way...I only play a doctor on TV, i cant put an elbow back in... Oh i didn't tell you I play a General Practitioner on TV, not an orthopaedist... once we were in a filthy bathroom...toilet clogged and filled to the top... and she was potty training so we had to go and I was trying to open the door to get out and hold her hand and she tried to go back and flush the toilet. Naturally i yanked back and pop out goes the elbow...As we exited the bathroom she was screaming...you guessed it... "mommy broka my arm"...

so due to circumstances beyond my control and my boycotting of St Charles... i went to 4 different places when her elbow was dislocated 5 times. my pediatrician calls...hey Nancy... i have been your doctor for 10 years by this time and i know you aren't beating her but somebody was alerted to the fact that i was going to separate emergency rooms with a broken toddler. Oh the many storied of D4.

McDonald's...we are on our way to D1 basketball game. Yeah I know you are all surprised to find out D1 played basketball. anywho... we are eating at McDonald's and we are letting D4 run around in the play place with a friend of ours son who is D2s age. So if D4 was 3 1/2 years old D2 was 10. They are playing in the brand new play place that is a giant climbing thing. D4 falls from the top through all the floors to the bottom and lands on her arm. I knew the way she was holding it that it was broken. She is screaming and crying and so we quickly usher her out. At the basketball game I ask my friend... do you think this is broken... hmmm... not sure....I bring her home and bath her...PS... don't put a broken bone in hot water...when hubby got home from D1s game we put her to bed and thought oh it is probably just sprained or bruised. She woke up at 11pm screaming.

It was Hubby's turn to bring her to the emergency room. We call it in advance now...when we see her doing something stupid...its your turn I say...It was my turn last time he says...oh I am not sure... did you take her for the concussion, which elbow did you take her for...and on it goes...

off he goes and lo and behold... its broken... here is where the story gets creepy...they want us to see an orthopaedist the next day to have a cast put on...it is picture day at preschool... i don't want her to miss being in the class picture and so...yeah i do it... i fix her hair and send her off to school with only about 4 hours of sleep and a sling packed in ice that the doctors at the ER sent her home with. I have really great pictures of this but I am not sure how to scan pictures into my computer so... only those lucky enough to know her have seen the pictures. We go back to McDonald's the next day and tell them that she broke her arm there the night before and they were not that nice about it... why did you leave then? um we had a screaming toddler... we didn't want to disturb the esteemed McDonald's guests... Why didn't you tell us yesterday.... yeah refer to reason one...screaming toddler... people staring... blah blah blah...PS we won a law suit against them because it was a new play place and it wasn't proven....and by the time she gets the money it will not even pay for one semester of college...

It was December 2nd. You know how I remember that specific date 10 years ago??? Because I spent all of December 3rd 1998 in the orthopaedists office waiting until they could fit us in. All day... oh you don't know what December 3rd is. December 3rd 1998 was my 31st birthday. And we got there sometime around 11 and left somewhere around 4pm. With a little girl with a cast on....Broken arm #1

Good news about the broken arm though...it stopped the elbows from dislocating....coincidence? i think not...

Christmas 1998... yeah just a few weeks later...we get the biggest Christmas's tree ever... it is so big we have to put it on the side of the living room with the 14 foot ceilings. We are eating dinner downstairs when we hear, crash, boom, "Uh oh"... are you OK D4? The Christmas tree fell she says... we race up the stairs and she is under this giant tree. Hubby lifts the tree off her and we look at her and she has an ornament hook sticking out of her head...thank god it was just caught in her hair and not her head...there were broken glass ornaments all around her...

when they took her cast off in early January there was one lone pine needle stuck in the cast... unbelievable...

you wonder why i am so neurotic today... living with her was like being in Vietnam... you never knew when someone was gonna sneak up on you and bam drop a tree on your head...

There were years of illness and injuries. Things it would take me a lifetime to tell. I am going to skip forward to the next two big ones... the rest I will leave for another time...

January 2007... we take my sister in law and go to watch D4 play basketball in Northport. 4 seconds into the game...she trips backwards over another player and lands on her elbow. She plays still. She fouls 2 more times in such a short period of time the coach takes her out. I can see the way she is holding her arm and I look Hubby straight in the face and say... I think its your turn to go the emergency room. What? No. She's fine. Yeah we'll see I say.

The coach wants to put her back in and she is asking me with sign language across the court...I say, in sign language...come here(basically that means I wave) she comes over holding the arm like it may fall apart if she lets go. Are you OK I say as she walks over and she starts crying... it really hurts, she says. OK lets go, No she wants to stay for the rest of the game. We stay but she cant play. We leave and head over to the ER. D1 comes and gets me from the emergency room and we leave hubby behind with her (it was his turn) and he calls uh yeah D4 has a broken elbow. Holy cow... I try to call the orthopaedist the next day and they say... oh no no a broken elbow... you have to wait a week for the cast to go on, its too swollen.

A week later we see the orthopaedist and they put a cast from her fingers to her armpit. A pink one of course. After all... she is my kid...

Scary part is that a few weeks later, the cast is hurting her so bad. yeah turns out she is growing. Which is actually something they told us about when they xrayed her. "this kid has a lot of room in her growth plates" the doctor said...

Now... best story ever... sick and sad... but a story to tell

D3s Bat Mitzvah was in June 2006. The Monday after the Bat Mitzvah as we are all barely recovering from the weekend we are just hanging around home. I am on the phone with my mother downstairs and D3 and D4 are upstairs. D1 and D2 are in the living room watching TV.

All of a sudden we hear D3 screaming, "D4 fell and she is not breathing"... I drop the phone and race upstairs. D3 who is a tiny little peanut drags D4 into the hallway. After she tries to shake her awake. Not the ideal thing for a head injury. I come up the stairs and she is sitting up at the top of the stairs having a seizure, holding her arms straight out in front of her making some weird sound that was like "HUUUUUHHHUUUUUHHHHUUUUHHHH" It was a horrible sound. Call 911 I scream. Tell grandma we will call her back and call 911.

D1 picks up the phone and then races off into the bathroom to throw up... D2 calls 911 I think.. I should know this... I don't remember...

D4 starts to come out of it and I realize that there is an ambulance on the way and
D4 is lying in the midst of two weeks of dirty laundry. Oh honey come with mommy. I cant breathe she is saying... OK honey lets just move you down a few stairs until we are away from the dirty laundry. Step away from the laundry.

They take us away by ambulance and guess what... Concussion 2.

How did it happen you ask? The wheelie chair. The damn wheelie chair.

D4 wanted D3 to put something in the closet and she wouldn't...so D4 dragged over a wheelie chair and stood on it. It went out from under her and she fell straight back onto the hardwood floor. Unconscious, Seizure, Concussion.

Our first ambulance ride.

I should have taken a picture for her baby book.

I rode in the ambulance... and hubby met me there.

I am pretty sure it was his turn.