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Friday, December 26, 2008

Stop this Moment in Time

Did you ever have a moment when you wished time would stand still and it would last forever? It has taken me so many years to appreciate those moments more because they come and go so quickly. Those moments cant be made. If you try too hard they may never happen. You just have to recognize the moment and you have to be there in the moment and feel the joy because those are the things that will stick with you forever. When you are old and the mad cow sets in, these things will come back to you like it was yesterday.

In this case, it was yesterday so its still fresh in my failing memory.

I have had those moments before but I have learned that they are few and far between.

I had one of those moments yesterday when we were driving home from Christmas Dinner at my sisters.

I was driving because Hubby had too much home made wine. We were listening to a cd I made hubby for Christmas and Journey Dont Stop Believin came on the radio.

Now the girls are squished 4 in the back of the car and it is tight and uncomfortable. D4 has ADD that makes her have to move around a lot and usually this trip is filled with yelling horrible insults like D4 why is your butt so big, and everytime D1 hiccups or burps everyone screams she's gonna blow. D3 sings loudly all the time and D2 is just always annoyed at whatever else anyone is doing.

So we are making our way home, journey comes on and everyone starts singing together. Hubby just looks at me and says, Arent you so proud?.

and it was a moment I wished could have lasted forever. We were all having fun and laughing and singing and of course I had a drum solo.

and then it was gone.

something shifted in the world and we lost the moment. Maybe the girls didnt even recognize it. For me its always when we are all together and there is talking and laughing.

Those moments come along less and less as the girls get older and they are not all together as often. And everyone has their moments of irritation at the others also.

Christmas is over for this year and the only thing left is the mounds and mounds of gifts, garbage and returns. I always feel such a let down when Christmas is over like why do we work that hard for one day. Why do we put ourselves in debt, shop endlessly and then it comes and goes so quickly.

It's because of the small moments like this one. The fleeting instances of pure joy that come when holidays bring us closer together.

I have been thinking about this blog for 2 days and just havent had time to write it and now I am not really happy with it but I am tired and hungry and think because today is my only day completely off for the rest of my life that I will go now and nap and wake up to this later.

I will because I can....

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Blogger Block

I may be having blogger block. I am not sure what happened. Last week when I was working 60 hours and finishing up my paper for Cell Bio and studying for my final and trying to keep at least obvious dirt from accumulating in the front hall because D#3's boyfriend has super clean white socks....

I had a million blog ideas.

Now I am like... well... not so much.

I am still waking up at the crack of dawn but instead of blogging I am just milling aroung wasting time.

I do want to complain about the post office that apparently lost two of my packages this year. And I work in an internet store and constantly tell people that they have to contact the post office directly but now that I am in this position I just want my stuff and I want them to fix it.

How can the post office be this lame? Seriously!!! packages constantly dissapear. everyday people call and tell me that their package says it was delivered and they never got it. and now i can say the same. i ordered two really special things and both of them have not arrived. Both of them came from the edison,nj post office to mount sinai where what a shock, they have dissapeared. How do I know my mailman hasnt stolen them? Mostly because you have no recourse with the post office. UPS has a tracking number and has ways to prove you got your package. Post office... no its a wing and a prayer.

They are so lame. During our busiest week ever, the post office web site was down. first it said on their technical site recording... yes we know we are having difficulties. then it said... yeah stop calling , we are broken. Then they just disconnected their phone number and posted a message on their website that says yeah we are still experienceing difficulties and use someone else to mail your packages. It was completely ridiculous and seriously what can you do? I wanted to send a rude email but we were afraid of retaliation. True story. The post office always knows and they are coming to get you.

In your sleep... like the clown from poltergeist.

cant sleep...post office men will eat me...cant sleep... post office men will eat me.

The holidays have become so much more painful over the years. I heard of one of D4s friends who was going to Hawaii for Christmas. We cant do that though because D3 made a rule that says you can only celebrate a holiday in the correct weather season.

No Christmas in Hawaii or Fourth of July at the North Pole.

Just cold, windy, sleety rainy weather for Christmas. and boiling in your face suffocating heat as we celebrate our countries birth.

I happen to be a celebrater. Have you ever encountered one of them before? I celebrate everything. I used to celebrate more when my kids were little and I had the ______________fill in the blank, time, energy, money, creativity, mind powers.

But I still believe in the celebration and let me tell you why.

Celebrations are fun. They have food. They have people. And even if those people annoy the crap out of you...You have a blog story. so you see. It's all good.

Celebrations are to recognize how special you are to me.

And without getting too morbid or creeper...you never know how many you have. For serious. Life changes in a split second. And its too late once... well its too late.

You dont have the chance to celebrate the last Christmas or Chanukah or the last celebration of your first date or your wedding.

Those days are special because something different happened on that day. You have heard me talk before about Groundhog Day. For the most part the days are the same. "You wake up and time has slipped away". You get up go to school, go to work, see your peeps. Whatever, but not much changes. When there is a birth... or death...or holiday...or someone gets braces or glasses... right after you call them four eyes or brace face...there should be cake and laughing. There should always be laughing.

I have been accused of being a 12 year old boy. Actually yesterday I was only 8 but that is because I had my nephew to make fart jokes with. And ps he is way more mature than I am. But... laughing is what keeps you young. Fun and funny, celebrating, it takes the sting away from the humdrum world we live in with mortgages and insurance and bills and breaking toilets. It goes away during a celebration. Even just for a minute.

So July 30th 1984 is when hubby and I went on our first date to Campus Heroes. And we celebrate it every year. We eloped on December 14th 1985 and we celebrate that too. We had our wedding on September 28th 1986, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. I remember each date that I found our I was pregnant and even though there may not be a full blown celebration, there is a mention and a story.

Life is short...Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Anyone Anyone...

so in conclusion....

when there is nothing left to procrastinate, apparently I will procrastinate blogging.

The post office sucks ass. And loses packages all the time.

And life is short so... Celebrate good times.

Come on.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead....

Ding Dong...The witch is dead the witch oh witch, the wicked witch, ding dong the wicked witch is dead.

I dont know why I have the urge to sing this song now that I am done with school. Seriously, I dont think it has any relevance but I felt like it so tough noogies.

Anyway... school is over for this semester and after all my bitching and complaining and procrastinating... I got 2 A's and A- and a B.

yes the B was in microbiology but I did get an A- minus in cell biology. Mostly because I spent the last 48 hours watching, photosynthesis, glycolysis and thermodynamics for dummies on youtube. D3's boyfriend told me on Sunday about this incredible new phenomena...youtube... where you can watch videos, rap videos about protein synthesis... and other biology functions. Who knew??

And I am sure you smarty pants at all those good colleges are saying, really how can a 53 ever end up as a B. Well, its because there was a curve. My test was curved with all the smarty pants at Stony Brook. And some of them were taking microbiology to be doctors.

So there...

Anyway... I didnt sit down to blog, I sat down to eat cookies and watch the biggest loser. But seriously folks...

I am back.... in full force....

Look for future blogs of the time I lost D1 on the subway... songs that remind me of how mean I was as a kid, why oh why southern men are mean to me when their bears dont come... and many more....

See you later allligators.... i have got to sleep tonight because tomorrow...

we shop...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Do you remember the times of your life?

Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it's hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you've seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life (do you remember)

Reach back for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The mem'ries are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

Here comes the saddest part (comes the saddest part)
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life

Gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life
Of your life
Of your life

Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life

"I dont know if you guys understand how much I appreciate and respect you both. You are always there for me and I am so lucky for that....I'm glad youve never given me away and although you've probably thought about it many many times before I'm oober glad you didnt" D4

"You teach me how to be the person I want to be. You are wonderful amazing people and I could not ask for better parents ever....I hope you both know how amazing you are and how amazing you are together" D3

"I have so much respect for you two and appreciate the respect you always have for me to allow me to make my own mistakes and decisions and learn from them. I feel so sad for everyone who doesnt have you two as parents. No one can possibly understand the loyalty and love we share in our home." D2

"Twenty three years and for twenty one of those you two have been the greatest parents someone could ask for. The example you have set for all of us is amazing.I know I speak for all my sisters when I say that we all hope to one day have a relationship just as successful as yours....so much of what makes you good parents are the small things that most people dont even notice." D1

"I wish I had a blog so I could write all the great things about you...I did want to reply to "What makes a man husband worthy?" with "What makes a woman wife worthy?" but I realized just saying "Marry Nancy" would be weird and unattainable since I took you off the market" Hubby

These are excerpts from letters that my family wrote to me as a surprise for our anniversary. Hubby had each of the girls write us a letter and D4 printed them out on beautiful paper. they were presented to me at my favorite restaurant along with 2 dozen of the most beautiful flowers and our wedding candle.

Since we have been married, hubby has been buying me a rose for each year we were married. These roses were waiting on the table for me when we arrived at the restaurant, Paces Steakhouse in Port Jefferson. We have not been there in four years. I cant believe I have lived that long without cold crab cocktail and the best filet mignon I have ever had.

The candle was given to us by the reverand that married us when we eloped in December of 1985. His name was Reverand Wentz and he had a little chapel in Freeport. We have burned a little of it each year but we are thinking it might be like the chanukah oil and last forever, even though it is about halfway burned now.

So we arrive to this beautiful table right by the window overlooking Port Jefferson and all the holiday lights. After a little toasting ourselves and how amazing we are, the maitre d brings out these envelopes. And they each contain letters to us from our girls. I just included little bits and pieces here but all four letters were heartfelt and precious. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride(and not like John Mccain felt for Sarah Palin). I felt proud of the people they have become partly with our influence but also because of the paths they have chosen and the hard work it has taken to get there.

And the card from hubby was titled "I want to share life's journey with you".

I almost feel speechless about this whole thing.

I know you would be worried about me if I didnt have more to say, but really I am totally taken aback at how special of a night this was.

I said to Hubby, I love you every single day of my life. And he said Well not every single day. And I agreed that the snoring takes away about 5 % of my love for him. I know it seems like a lot but sleep is seriously important and without it I am starting to be more forgetful than usual.

When we eloped 23 years ago, we had no idea what this journey would be like. We each knew we loved each other, had a committment to each other and respected each others feelings. The things that happen over the years are the things that kill relationships and make them painful and miserable. We get comfortable, lazy, complacent and that breeds contempt and taking someone for granted.(Dont take New Hampshire for Granite)(Thats a private joke for hubby)

The thing that makes Hubby so special is how far he is willing to go for my happiness. For cheeseburgers at midnight to hugging the maitre d. He steps outside his comfort zone and wants only to make me happy.

I am having trouble finding the right words here.

We were 18 and 19 when we got married. No one could possible know enough about life at that point to get married. I knew he was cool, had gorgeous hair and was heading into the Navy. He knew I could be mean, was going to Stony Brook and drove a cool 1972 Cutlass.

I kid around here but how much can you know about a person when they are that age. Could you possibly know that they would stick up for an entire staff of people just because it was the right thing to do? And get fired for it? do you know he would ride miles and miles uphill both ways on a bike in San Diego only to have you pass out at a swap meet? Could you know that he would respect your religious beliefs even though they are completely wrong and out to lunch and buy you a perfect stained glass jewish star for your window on your first celebrated Chanukah?

Could you ever know the way his face looked the day you gave birth? Four times, he had the same look. It is indescribable. Joy and love and pride. He treasured each child and finds ways to connect with them individually. How could you know that he would be the perfect "girl daddy"? And I am sure he would have been the perfect boy daddy too but luckily for us we never had to find out.

He has held my hair when I threw up, watched me go from a tiny little teenager to a middle aged fat woman and he has looked at me with the same love in his eyes the whole time. (except when I ran over his foot)

It is beautiful and new at the beginning. You meet, fall in love, spend time together and it is all good. You dont get to see the bad stuff right away, like how he acts around his parents or his friends. You dont know if he will be a hard worker and work two or more jobs his whole life so you can stay home and raise your children. You dont know if he will love you after all the unpleasant things like bad breath, and onion skin, and stomach viruses. You dont know that at the beginning.

In the last 23 years I am not sure there is anything in this world that hasnt happened to our family. Well we havent won lotto, hey wait I didnt check my numbers this morning. I could be the winner of 207 million dollars.

And you know what...not much would change. We would have nicer possessions but the letters that came from my daughters and hubby, those are priceless and no stinkin lottery is going to change that.

We have live through life and death, more times than is humanly imagineable. We have witnessed marriages and divorces and births and illness. Each of us has had at least one life threatening surgery. Each one of us has dealt with dissapointment and regret.

On nights like last one, it is easy to love someone. there was wine and conversation and flowers.

It is the days that you wake up and there is no heat and it is 18 degrees in the house and you bundle up, make hot coffee and chat while you wait for the heating repair man that then you know.

He is it. The man of your dreams, keeper of your world, life partner and husband extrodinare. He is your prince charming, the lenny to your squiggy, the laverne to your shirley, the brad pitt to your angelina jolie.

Time has gone by and every moment we have had together, be it good, bad or ugly, has been what makes us a perfect team.

He loves me...

and I let him...

Its all good....

Saturday, December 6, 2008

What makes a man husband worthy?

Really? You dont know what makes a man husband worthy? I have my rules and I have tried to brainwash my daughters into my way of thinking. For the most part I think they have listened, but I will never know for sure until they make the ultimate decision to choose a prince.

so my first rule is this...treat you like a princess. I know I have said this before but hubby has always treated me like a princess. always... even after last weeks unfortunate incident when I ran him over with his own car. and I was really sorry but he still loves me. Although I think it was touch and go for a minute. He said that was one of the only times he has ever been mad at me. Go figure... not the time I dyed all his Navy uniforms pink because I thought the white load meant all underwear and socks. I didnt realize that it meant the color white clothes. We could barely afford ten cent macaroni and cheese and we had to buy all new uniforms because apparently pink stitching on your Navy whites is not acceptable. No joke I think that may have been the first time I ever did laundry in my life.

Or the many times I have tried to smother him in his sleep so he would stop snoring. Or how often I make fun of his heritage.And the fact that I have called him four eyes since the day I was comfortable enought to say it and for him not to leave me. Or tell him his haircut makes him look like a cancer patient. And he laughs and says yeah well I am. and we laugh about cancer, because you have to or you fall apart.

so to be considered for marriage, yeah you must always act like a prince to your princess. That means do not sit there while my daughter takes out the garbage or watch me bring packages in the house. I am totally not a feminist. I could clearly carry anything I wanted or tile a bathroom but if there is a man around, yeah he should do it.

Hold doors, give up your seat on buses, trains, planes anywhere where there is a woman standing and a man sitting.

Protect me from danger. this includes lurkers at bars or restaurants, going down in the middle of the night to kill dragons, vampires and murderers who have obviously snuck in past our dog when we werent looking. When a man is coming on to me in a bar, stroll by casually and kiss me in a long passionate kiss right on the lips to make sure everyone knows I am only yours.

Ok, very important one. Make sure husband material is apalled by the smashing of cake in the face of the bride/groom on the wedding. This makes me sick. If any of my kids do this at their wedding I will instantly know the marriage will end in divorce. Telltale sign.

Say bless you when I sneeze, say thank you when I hand you a napkin, say please when you want something like dinner or clean underwear. Say everyday... you are beautiful and amazing and I am not worthy, because, lets face it, you are not.

Big important one... Will your man go out at 9 pm to get you lobster, ribs, ice cream, cheeseburgers? In a snow storm? At 2 am will he get you a chocolate shake and a large fries because that is what you used to do when you were young, in love and hanging out in bars until 2 am? And you are having a small meltdown because you are middle aged, fat and yearning to be 16 again? ok it was really only 8 pm but that is just because we are old now and that is not the point anyway.

Will he always respect you, always and treat you like you deserve to be treated? With love and caring and never question your decision to not make dinner again tonight because frankly you were just too damn busy. Or playing guitar hero. Either one.

Husband material... will accept your parents but never demand that you accept his family...will sit through americas next top model, one tree hill, and john tucker must die??? will open the car door for you, pay for the date and tell you you still look beautiful even after you spill coke and a meatball hero on you.

On your anniversary will he send flowers to the restaurant so they are on your table at the place you went on your first date, or the place you got married, or just anywhere where you are having dinner that night?

Will he never call you porky pig even though he had to order half of your meal when you were pregnant because you were just too embarassed to order the bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes and an english muffin?

Ok granted some of these things would happen after the marriage but like one of my daughters now, she is asking the important questions. Will you get me lobster at 9pm, will you smash cake in my face, will you always say I look beautiful even after I spill my entire meal on me?

these are the things you need to know. Husbands dont just grow on trees. You have to train your own. You need to pick out their most annoying habits and put a lid on them. Now...before you have husbands with minds of their own, making decisions,ruining all your hard work...Train your man early... it takes time and frankly they could go rogue at any time.

Hubby and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 18. We learned about each other and I set out on the task to make him perfect, to make him husband worthy, to make him a keeper. those kinds dont come around that often. when you see one you have to scoop him up and begin your work... just remember they are like dogs, sometimes they will forget and have accidents on the carpet, but you just get them back on track and someday soon you will have your very own prince...

Like me...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

They say its my birthday...

Its been one week since I blogged....

and today is my birthday....

and although I would like nothing more than to blog and eat....

I cant because I am a grownup now...

And I am 41...

And I thought after the horrendous act of turning 40 things couldnt get any worse...

I may have been wrong...

Groundhog Day...

Nothing ever changes...

Not even on my birthday...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Vomited, Barfed, Ralphed, Puked, Tossed your cookies, Driving the porcelain bus, Throw up

I contemplated many ideas for this blog but as is always the case when everyone is together... the conversation turns to Vomit.

Everyone has a good vomit story. To protect the innocent I will not mention when these classic pukes occurred, just the stories themselves. because lets face it...throwing up is always funny.

to be fair i will start with myself.

I cannot even accurately describe to you how many times I puked when I was pregnant with D1 and D3. Every day, all day long, for almost 7 months. Literally everything I ate I knew I would be seeing later.

It got so bad that i had to make my choice of food based on what was easiest to vomit.

Hmmm...should i eat those really sharp taco flavored doritos that could slice me like a razor blade on the way back up, or those soft cushiony corn muffins?

dont get me wrong, i still ate the doritos, but I paid the price later.

I got pregnant about a month after we moved in together. We had been married since December, but Hubby was out on a Navy ship, picking up pieces of the exploded Challenger off the coast of Florida, touring Cuba and just in general saving our country from the bad guys. there were less bad guys in 1986 but nonetheless, the Navy thought they needed him more than me. We moved in together in May and I found out I was pregnant in July.


I was on my way home from work one day when I started throwing up into a McDonalds bag in my car. I threw up over the Tobin Bridge, all the way home. As I pulled up to our basement apartment in the ghetto of East Boston, I felt more vomiting coming on. I pulled the car into a space and ran for the door. I planned on racing into the bathroom but Hubby was standing there waiting for me so nicely.

Blahhahahahaha.... puked all over my shoes, his shoes, in a trail to the toilet.

And he still loves me even to this day.

I once ate an everything bagel and yoohoo. then i went shopping in tjmaxx. I was pregnant with D3. i will make it simple for you, there were a few unhappy people in TJ Maxx and i have not eaten an everything bagel or yoohoo in 15 years.

D1's famous vomit story: Outback... she orders fettucine alfredo...I know already you are thinking... mistake... but she was recovering from food poisoning and I think I may have convinced her that meat was a poor choice. We get in the car to go home and we start driving. We are not even out of the parking lot yet and she starts, hiccuping. Right away we are worried, because there is always a hiccup, a burp, laughing and then she blows.

So in order to keep the pattern going, hubby is screaming uh oh uh oh over and over again. D1 is laughing and saying, pull over I am going to throw up. hahahah. we laugh and laugh. She's gonna blow hubby screams, she's gonna blow. Really pull over dad, really, hiccup, hiccup, burp, burp, laugh, laugh, blahahahahah...in her defense she tried to roll down the window but it only goes down halfway in the back. I dont know something about child safety. Whatever... puke guard.

Well, she threw up in her lap... an entire plate of fettucine alfredo and cheese fries. It was classic. Of course we had just pulled out of the parking lot. Really. We laughed so hard we almost puked ourselves. when we got out of the car at home, she had full noodles and whole french fries in her lap. and clover ran outside for her feast of whole vomit. For a dog really what better meal is that.

D2's famous vomit story...ok D2 never vomits. Never. She is like Jerry Seinfeld. He hadnt vomited in like 12 years. But then....the black and white cookie. It did him in and seriously it was one of the funniest episodes to date.

JERRY: Uhm, The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.

ELAINE: Your views on race relations are fascinating. You really should do an op-ed piece for the Times.

JERRY: Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.

time goes by...

JERRY: Uh, I don't feel so good.

ELAINE: What's wrong?

JERRY: My stomach, I , I think it was that cookie.

ELAINE: The black and white?

JERRY: Yeah.

ELAINE: Not getting along?

JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Fahrikan down there.

ELAINE: Well if we can't look to the cookie where can we look?

JERRY: I feel like I'm going to throw up.

ELAINE: Hey, what about your vomit streak?

JERRY: I know, I haven't thrown up since June 29th, 1980.

so my point is she is not a big puker. but one time she was at a christmas party and just had way too many pretty, pretty drinks. She had a friend pick her up and apparently threw up in her car. The smell lasted forever even with multiple bottles of febreze. She threw up on her coat, her camera, her phone, D3's famous black boots and god knows what else. Her friend called D1 to come and secretly pick her up but we were on to her so Hubby went with D1 to pick her up. she was asleep on the floor of the bathroom, her clothes in a bag with her various vomit covered accessories.
that event caused a fight within her friends family that ultimately led to her friend being kicked out of the house on Christmas. The story continues and eventually the friend moved to Tennessee and got married. so if any thing goes wrong i have to say it is all D2's fault.

D3's vomit in a public place...so you read my story of how i ignored D3 when her appendix was rupturing??? Well anyway... she was pretty sick even after the surgery. But one day while she was recovering, I had this grand idea that we should get out of the house. I took her to Starbucks, got her a sugar free vanilla decaf latte and then drove through mcdonalds and got her fries. It was pouring out but I thought we should get some stuff from BJs. So I drop her off in the front of BJs and I go to park the car. As i am walking in the door I see her, head in garbage can puking her guts up. I am holding her hair and rubbing her back because really what else can I do at this point? When she is done, I took the garbage bag out and threw it outside in the big garbage bag. Then i say... do you think you feel well enough to go back inside?? Alright... I know... but I really needed dog food and shampoo. for gods sake, what did you want me to do? buy it in the supermarket.

D4's pukarama...we drove all the way to south carolina to stay in my parents condo. they werent there, just us. So we pull into Bob Evans for breakfast. As we pull into the parking lot, D1 is like I dont feel well. And she throws up in the parking lot. This apparently became a regular occurance because she threw up in the store parking lot the night before we opened and also I think in Walmart parking lot in Geneseo. Anyway sorry this is D4's story. So we say D1 can you make it into the restaurant? WE WERE HUNGRY. it was a long trip. huh! you are so judgemental. Well we go in and get a table and D4 at that time had a habit of waiting to the last minute and then jumping up and screaming, I am going to pee in my pants, while holding herself. So she says, I have to frow up...are you sure D4. Dry coughing and head shaking.... I grab her and run for the bathroom. But it was too late.. she started throwing up and I pulled her head into my hair so she wouldnt spew all over the restaurant. And she throws up in my hair. all the way to the bathroom. And then we cut the people in line to jump into a stall. Hey I am a new yorker, those crazy southerners have no idea what hit them. But D4 was worried, Blahahaha, mommy, blahahah, did we cut those people, blahaha, its ok honey, you are sick. ok blahblah. Now we call it Barf Evans, cause that is so funny.

Hubbys famous vomit story...we were at a wedding and hubby had way too much to drink. I never drank then because my blood sugar was so bad and my sister in law didnt drink because she was about 9 months pregnant with my nephew. So we were the designated drivers. it is a sucky job in this family let me tell you because everyone else drinks to oblivian. So we leave the wedding and hubby is in the front seat of my van. his family is in the back and I have to drive them from Hampton Bays to Ronkonkoma and yes that does mean i have to pass my house to get there. I am driving towards the hotel and hubby is passed out, And then I hear it...the dry cough and then... you guessed it... Total Barforama. Right on my front winshield. I roll down the window on his side, yeah i had power windows in that car. dont worry there were no bridges around. And he pukes all over the window, inside and outside. Vomit everywhere. When I drop his family at the hotel they run in and get towels. But it doesnt matter. There is vomit and vomit smell all over the car. When we got home, I stripped off his clothes, put him to bed, and then set out to clean the car. Boiling water on the outside, carpet cleaner on the inside. I was so pissed at him that night. When he woke up I told him he was dating his B1(brother 1)girlfriend. she spent the whole night hitting on him. I have to say right now its funny but at the time... no not so much.


I dont know how to load videos yet so go to this link on youtube and watch this.

Bottom line is Barfing is always funny...no matter where or when it happens. and it sometimes is the highlight of any event. lets see if anyone tosses their cookies on thanksgiving. hahahaha cant wait...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


If you pay attention to the time of my posts... yes it really is 523am. I have actually been awake watching Boston Legal since 430am. Well really that was after my little doggie woke me up at 415am to go out.

anywho...Boston Legal is probably one of the best shows on tv. and i am pretty sure I am the only person watching it. which is why it is being cancelled this year. the impending doom has left room though for a lot of "in the cameras face" kind of jokes.

james spader: oh denny you'll outlive all of us
captain kirk: you think so?
james spader: of course you'll be around doing priceline commercials long after we are all gone.

They talk about heaven and whether or not there is one. Also when you go to heaven how old are you? Are you there at the age you die? James Spader tells Captain kirk that he thinks you go there at the age you are when you are at your happiest. The best part of your life.

the show has always been a platform for current topics but this year i guess they figure, what more can they do except cancel us and they are using every episode for some sort of political agenda public service message.

last week a girl was fired for voting for mccain. she wanted to sue her boss so james spader went to talk to him.

james spader: you fired her for voting for mccain?
funny boss guy: no i voted for mccain, i fired her because she is stupid.
james spader: you sound like you fired her for voting for mccain.
funny boss guy: i voted for mccain because of his economic plan, for his foreign policy, because i thought he could lead this country better. do you know why she voted for mccain? because she thought sarah palin was spunky. and that makes her stupid and that is why i fired her.

it was classic and of course any sarah palin slam makes me laugh.

in last nights episode, the whole happy "family" of the law firm is invited over for Thanksgiving Dinner. Of course with lawyers everywhere,an argument over racism ensues. James Spader gives a lecture on how racist this country is and how people who think its over because we have a black president are dead wrong.

At the end of the episode he talks about his own thanksgiving when he was young. His mother used to work serving others and his dad was a drunk. he often spent thanksgiving alone in his room. In his mind he says this is the thanksgiving he always dreamed of where people can talk to each other about controversial topics, and be in each others face, laughing one minute, angry the next.He loved the chaos of the day, and he was thankful to be there.

When i was growing up, thanksgiving was bring a freak to dinner day. I dont know exactly how it started or where some of the people even came from but over the years, strangers would often show up as friends of our family and of course, there was always enough food. One year my uncle brought a gay couple to dinner, one of them was black and the other was white. It made for interesting dinner conversation and although i was only 12 i could still feel the tension from that day. That was the year my mother put my sister and I on the Port jeff train to manhattan, alone, and had some random old man watch us on the train. We had to change in Huntington and we just followed this man, me, 12 and my sister 8. I guess things were different then, but we were not city savvy. Not like my kids who could easily show up in manhattan and probably even find their way to carmines. We went into the city and my aunt met us at the train. We went and watched the balloons from the parade be blown up and then went to a party with pot, gays and tons of liquor. We didnt stay long but the gay couple came and slept at my aunts and uncles and my sister and i slept on the floor as they slept on the pull out couch. i remember being totally pissed and vowing to "tell" when i got home.

Apparently it still bothers me because i tell that story almost every year.

Over the years, thanksgiving has become the day before the biggest shopping day of the year. It is just a vehicle to get to shopping. maybe i'll have a little something to eat, but i pace myself so that i can read all the flyers and plan my shopping extravaganza.

last year for the first time ever I took children with me at the annual 430am shopping spree. i have to say it was one of the most enjoyable shopping days i have ever had. We got on line at Target at 450am and waited until it opened at 6. We rotated getting warm in Best Buy which had opened at 5. D3 and D4 got us hot chocolate and coffee as we waited on line in the freezing cold. D1 and D2 met us way later, when they woke up. We had already been shopping for 6 hours when we met up with them and we continued until about 6 pm. We were on a mission and with 3 people ready to knock people down...you can accomplish a lot.

They saw the best and worst of people which is what i love about THAT shopping day. There are people who would give you the shirt off their back and others who would steal your Furby out of your cart if you kept your eyes closed too long when you sneezed.

So what will Thanksgiving be like this year? Its hard to say... there are the usuals... mom and dad... my sister, her husband, their two kids... our first thanksgiving with merrys D1,C2(daughter 1, child 2)last year we chose to spend it with just my parents. Hubbys sister and nephew...always difficult missing her husband on the holidays...and then maybe some freaks...maybe a long lost friend, or a new boyfriend or someone else I can drag up from the gutter.

In any case... the political conversation has come to a halt since my obama has been elected. there will be talk, but thats ok...because that IS what a family is all about. Talking, yelling, eating, arguing, eating some more...its what makes the day great.

And for the first time in many months, all my girls will be home together.

and nothing could make me more thankful than that.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Where for art thou Pluto?

So D4 and I were sitting in the kitchen yesterday afternoon doing homework. She was doing Earth Science and I was doing Biology.

Want to trade D4 said.

No I hate that stuff I said.

Oh you don't believe in this either She said.

Yeah, I believe in it I just don't understand how anyone could spend their life studying rocks.

Stop talking to me I said I am trying to do my homework.

You are the one who keeps talking to me D4 said.

AS IF...really does anyone even believe that?

A few quiet minutes go by...

Should I include Pluto as a planet D4 says.

What do you mean I say.

Well Pluto is not a planet anymore but it still says it is in my book She says.

Great Job Mount Sinai having books that are so old they include Pluto...

Why did they have to get rid of Pluto I say, a little too intensely.

It didn't meet the requirements for being a planet she says.

Who had the time and energy to set out to prove Pluto wasn't a planet, why couldn't they just let it be, its been a planet for ever why did they feel it was necessary to fire Pluto as a planet. How do you think Pluto feels right now? Being fired away from all its planet friends. What could it possibly have done to be fired from being a planet? I said

Well for one thing D4 says, it isn't big enough to meet the requirements for being a planet.

Oh really I say... do we go around firing midgets from the human race? because they aren't big enough? Seriously, we haven't fired Jupiter for being too big. Is this some kind of prejudice against the small minority planet?

Mom, she says, it also doesn't revolve the way a planet is supposed to. The planets are supposed to revolve around in a circle. Pluto has no direction, it goes in and out of the blah blah blah, something about a belt named Kuyper, I don't know I never took Earth Science.

Oh so its a little off track, maybe it had too many drinks tonight after being told it was FIRED from being a planet. So it is stumbling around in the galaxy, lost and alone, all little and cute, maybe quite drunk and possibly getting lost and that's it? We don't care anymore? Pluto has been our planet for ever.

Do you remember when you first learned about Pluto?

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles.

What is our very educated mother going to serve us now? Nothing! My very educated mother just served us nothing. You want to fire Pluto, fine, now Neptune is nothing in the rhyme. So there.

The fact that billions of dollars was spent to prove Pluto isn't a planet anymore lead to some other disturbing thoughts.

What if they fire mars as a planet? will all the illegal martians come here looking for work?

What if the scientist find that Alaska is too big to be a state, and they have to make it its own country? would that disqualify Sarah Palin from running for President again because technically she wouldn't be an American?

What if Pluto goes on to be something great and wonderful like the Wizard of Oz, will we want it back then and try to convince it that it can rule the world?

What if Pluto gets some of its previously fired friends from the Universe, forms a Galaxial Gang and comes back to get us with sawed off stars that shoot fiery rays and really cool weapons that they found after they got lost in the atmosphere when the Star Trek guys were out there?

Yeah these are the things that keep me up nights, or at least keep me from doing my homework.

Couldn't Pluto have been given a warning? Stay in line and beef it up or you're fired.

I think that would have been far more fair than what happened to our friend Pluto.

for gods sake, there is a Disney character named after Pluto. At least he will be forever in our hearts as we see that adorable dog of Mickey and Minnie running through the world, like nothing matters, lets hope some scientists don't get it into their head to fire Pluto, the Disney dog, because he doesn't stand up right like

and why can Goofy talk, but not Pluto? They are both dogs... has this been some kind of sick conspiracy against Pluto all along? What is going on here?

Oh Pluto, I will always think of you as a planet, just like I always call Rite Aid, Genovese or the shopping center over in Selden, The Hills Shopping Center. I will always call the DVD player a VCR and an Ipod a Walkman. I never forget the things that were here before.

That is probably what is clogging my brain from memorizing bacteria.

Low disc space

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Facebook Stalking

What is going on with the adults today?

Grow up. Move on. Seriously.

Here is a very serious question. When is it too old to create a facebook?

I am totally cool with...you started your facebook in high school, now 6 years have gone by and you still have it, but you dont update it everytime you change your underwear...

Nancy is...wishing it was 1984.

Nancy left a comment on your wall. You cant return to high school to prove to the cool kids now that you are some respected member of the adult community. They dont care. You are still a loser geek in the eyes of the kids today.

Here is the deal, our kids dont even really know a world without instant gratification. You need to talk to someone? You can reach them wherever they are on their pantech matrix or iphone. And if you have something better to offer they will ditch their plans for better ones.You can see what anyone is doing just by stalking them on facebook.

Nancy is "in a relationship" and "believes in her own new religion Nancyland".

Maybe I tend to be a little old fashioned. Just a little. I admit it.

My name is Nancy and I think technology ruined the world.

Hi Miss Nancy. Welcome to Old Fashioned Anonymous held in the barn with a gas lamp to light our way.

I am always the last to get anything electronic because... well I just always think I should wait for it to be proven before I jump on the bandwagon.

I had rollup windows in my car until 1998. I still have VCRs in my house because I am just not certain that whole DVD thing is gonna stick. When I ordered a new stove, I told the salesman, I dont really want a digital stove. I dont trust it. It could take on a life of its own and start roasting a chicken in the middle of the night. Lets just get it with the little clock and the knob so I have total control. No surprises from a rogue stove.

I broke down last year and asked for an ipod for christmas. Only because I ruined my mint collection of Shawn Cassidy and Michael Jackson albums trying to stick them into that small slot in the car above the radio. And my car didnt come with an 8 track player for my Neil Diamond tapes. Yeah its true I knew Michael Jackson when he was still black AND still had a nose, before the little boys.

I hate change. I love everything to stay the same. I order the same food from every restaurant I go to. I never try anything new. I got the same minivan 3 leases in a row. Ok one was purple, then green , then blue and I did finally break down and get automatic windows. But I still didnt trust them over bridges.

Yeah you think its funny? How are you going to roll down electric windows when the car goes off the bridge and is submerged in water? Exactly why now that they insist on putting them in every car, I make the kids roll down the windows when we go over bridges. You can never trust that ever changing technology.

Slowly almost every room in my house is becoming the same color. And not even completely on purpose. I just go to Home Depot and always come back with the same paint chip. "hey, that looks like the color from the bathroom?" "No I think this is cookie crumble, that color is crumbled cookie, way different."

I think boys should pay for dates if they asked you to go on them. You can graciously offer to contribute but only with the fake looking through your bag for money thing when the check comes. If they take it, ehhh, strike one. Actually that could be strike two if they didnt open the door for you to get into the car or the restaurant.

I wish I could be waiting at home for my hubby with a deliciously cooked dinner, pearls and high heels.

Well maybe not the heels.

I want boys to remove their hats in my presence, never ever curse around me and I want a handshake on a deal to mean something.

You know the good ole days. When we played in the streets and we chose teams. I dont remember it being so mean out in the street playing kick the can. When, if you werent good enough you didnt make the team but then you tried something else and you found your true calling. It forced you to look inside yourself for something else. You didnt just automatically get to be on the team so we wouldnt disspoint you.

Life before facebook,,,oh the good old days...

You actually had to call someone and ask them out on a date on their home phone. And when their Dad answered you had to say Hi Mr. Nancys Dad, can I please speak with nancy and ask her out on a date.

And the phone had a cord so you couldnt walk away to some private area, You stood right in the middle of the kitchen while everyone watched and teased you.

Ok so maybe I still have a corded phone. Once again, safety first. What if some killer broke into my house cut my electric wires and my cell phone was dead? Huh what then? Exactly, I will be calling the police on my corded phone and you will be dying a slow painful death in a pool of your own blood. Call me crazy but...I think I am on to something.

I think that the fax machine is the most magical creation of the 21st century. yes above internet and ipods because I can write with my own handwriting and send it to china if i want and they can see what I wrote. On paper. In my own handwriting.

when people go to give me their phone number I immediately go to look for a pen and paper and when people say why dont you just put it in your phone, i say, well... what if my phone loses it? I will always have this little piece of paper to rely on.

That is how I remembered to write this blog.

Little piece of paper in my back pocket.

No reminders from my phone.

I have recently discovered that many adults in my family, ok yes every one of them has a facebook.

My kids alerted me to that fact and then let me see a little of Facebook. I cant believe you can see every persons comments and conversations. It is like stalking really. You know instantly when people are fighting or "hooking up" or doing some other sleazy thing.

Here is my dilemma...Am i just shunning the forward thinkers of the world by not having a facebook? Is this like the corded phone, the rolldown windows and the vcr player? Am i making fun of them because i think its totally ridiculous that someone has time to update their every move or am i just hanging out with my friends from Old Fashioned Anonymous too much, driving our horse and buggies to our meetings, wearing our dresses and warming our hands in muffs, talking about the good old days, when your word meant something and you could only torture your enemies to their face and not with some mean bumper sticker...

am i THAT person... who refuses to learn how to use her new cell phone and instead screams everytime for the kids to help? who wishes we could still take handwriting classes and grammar in school so we would know how to write a letter and not reduce everything to text words? who thinks nice boys hold doors and pay for dates and are parent friendly?

I could never have a facebook anyway because my kids would never accept my friend request. I would be that girl whose only friend was Tom. Oh wait... that is My space, wow I am really behind the times.

that is fine I am happy to have a blog that lets me say whatever I want anyway, I dont even have to join the group, Adults against facebook.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

And another thing....

Ok i forgot the most classic and most recent part of the D4 story.

As her Bat Mitzvah was approaching, I feared an injury was on the horizon. Who wouldnt really with her track record? So I warned her every day. She was playing volleyball and basketball at the time. Dont fall I'd say, everyday. Billy dont be a hero I'd say. Let the other kids throw themselves on the floor for the ball.

the week before her and her friends Bat Mitzvah, her friend breaks her ankle playing basketball. She was on crutches for the million dollar party. I worried everyday. Stay safe D4. Okokok, she was sick of me saying it but seriously it wasnt looking good.

We make it to the morning of the big day. Whew!! She is showered(no razor cuts), her hair is done(no burns from the staightener)All we have to do is put the dress on and while that can be dangerous(because she grew a couple of inches since we bought it)we thought we were in the clear.

Foolish thought really, looking back.

We are all sitting on my bed about to get dressed and D4 is in the bathroom.

Do you know most home accidents happen in the bathroom?

Well she walks into my room holding her head.

Haha I say. Cut it out.

Um no mom I hit my head on the medicine cabinet. I think I have a concussion.

Haha oh D4 you are so fu........

she moves her hand away from her head and she has a cut across the top of her head that looks a little like a frankenstein cut.

I immediately calculate how long it will take to get to the hospital and realize we dont have enough time for stitches.

oh stitches, it will be her first time.

I'll have a new picture for the baby book.

You cant see it in this picture. The photographer airbrushed it out of every picture. I wish it were that easy to erase the heart attack she gave us though.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Mcdonalds, a hook in the head and a pink cast

What do these things have in common?

You guessed it...D#4

In case you are a new reader, I have four daughters and being so ingeniously creative I call them D1 D2 D3 and D4. Hey I named them once already. It was too hard to come up with equally as beautiful fake names...

So... here's the story

of a lovely lady

who was busy breaking all her lovely bones

there were 4 kids

but shes the crazy one

and last night she ordered all our new phones...

If you know her you know the last line is in reference to the fact that she is the one we leave all the important decisions to. "D4, here is my debit card, go into Stop and shop and pick out our Ben and Jerry's flavors and make sure to use the stop and shop card to get the discount" She is always on top of that kind of stuff.

Here's the deal though... the kid barely has made it through her life...

First of all when she was born we were lulled into a false sense of our fantastic parenting... We had 3 perfectly behaved children. the kind of kids you don't mind sitting next to in any restaurant other than one where your food is wrapped in paper...Really, not just a bragging mom, these kids were perfect...

We patted ourselves on the back frequently and whispered about those "other" parents... you know the type... the ones offering anything to get their kids to sit down and take one more bite, whose kids are running through the stores and restaurants...its a shame we'd say... such bad parenting...

And then... dah dah dah DAH!!!! D4 is born...

she never slept for longer than 1 and a half hours. She ate literally every minute she was awake. And she grew... like the jolly green giant... she always knew she would be tall... based on the fact that she used to hold things over her head to keep it away from us... when she was 2...of course now she does it and... well she's 5'10" now, so she see what has happened...

Accident number 1...D4 is about a year old and D3 is not quite 3...Hubby is putting pajamas on them while I go shopping for Easter. I am not gone more than about 10 minutes when Hubby calls... you should come home he says.. whats the matter?...i rarely got out alone then and this was my chance for escape... i wasn't taking the loss of it lightly...nothing just come back...FINE!!!!!

so I head home and he is standing at the door with D4 and she is slipping in and out of consciousness. What the hell happened??? Well D3 was mad that Hubby had put her pjs on D4 and was pulling the dresser drawer out to get a different pair... the drawer pulled all the way out and D4 was laying underneath it getting her diaper changed by Hubby. bam, dresser drawer to the head....Concussion number 1

By the way... when we got to the emergency room she also had a 104 fever which had nothing to do with the accident just coincidence... Coxsackie... it was the first of many...

Accident 2: D4 is about 18 months old...never stops moving... hubby is pulling her around on the kitchen floor by her arms, Pop goes the weasel...or should I say Pop goes the elbow...We took her to St Charles emergency room where they xrayed it and said oh its just a sprain."Daddy broka my arm" she told them..by the next morning it was blue and it was hanging from her shoulder not moving at all. Go to the pediatrician... this is dislocated he says and pops it back in. Same hospital where just 3 years ago they killed my brother in law. We have been boycotting it since D4s accident. Don't go to St. Charles....

I wont bore you with all the details of the next FOUR elbow dislocations, rotating back and forth from arm to arm, but there was one on Labor day, and let me just point out, not a fun day to be in the hospital.. that one happened in walmart... D4 was always trying to escape and when you held her hand, she would let her feet go out from under her and hang. POP elbow out...Later on when we were scared to death of her elbow dislocating, she learned to let her feet go and we would let go of her hand so we wouldn't dislocate her elbow and then she would run. Once when D3 was trying to kiss her hand when literally I ran into the supermarket for one second and left all 4 of them in the car and D3 pulled her arm over the seat of the car and Pop. I was on my to Girl scouts that day with apples to bake apple pie and thank god my pediatrician was in and just popped it back into place. Nancy they said, you are going to have to learn to do this yourself... no way...I only play a doctor on TV, i cant put an elbow back in... Oh i didn't tell you I play a General Practitioner on TV, not an orthopaedist... once we were in a filthy bathroom...toilet clogged and filled to the top... and she was potty training so we had to go and I was trying to open the door to get out and hold her hand and she tried to go back and flush the toilet. Naturally i yanked back and pop out goes the elbow...As we exited the bathroom she was screaming...you guessed it... "mommy broka my arm"...

so due to circumstances beyond my control and my boycotting of St Charles... i went to 4 different places when her elbow was dislocated 5 times. my pediatrician calls...hey Nancy... i have been your doctor for 10 years by this time and i know you aren't beating her but somebody was alerted to the fact that i was going to separate emergency rooms with a broken toddler. Oh the many storied of D4.

McDonald's...we are on our way to D1 basketball game. Yeah I know you are all surprised to find out D1 played basketball. anywho... we are eating at McDonald's and we are letting D4 run around in the play place with a friend of ours son who is D2s age. So if D4 was 3 1/2 years old D2 was 10. They are playing in the brand new play place that is a giant climbing thing. D4 falls from the top through all the floors to the bottom and lands on her arm. I knew the way she was holding it that it was broken. She is screaming and crying and so we quickly usher her out. At the basketball game I ask my friend... do you think this is broken... hmmm... not sure....I bring her home and bath her...PS... don't put a broken bone in hot water...when hubby got home from D1s game we put her to bed and thought oh it is probably just sprained or bruised. She woke up at 11pm screaming.

It was Hubby's turn to bring her to the emergency room. We call it in advance now...when we see her doing something stupid...its your turn I say...It was my turn last time he says...oh I am not sure... did you take her for the concussion, which elbow did you take her for...and on it goes...

off he goes and lo and behold... its broken... here is where the story gets creepy...they want us to see an orthopaedist the next day to have a cast put on...it is picture day at preschool... i don't want her to miss being in the class picture and so...yeah i do it... i fix her hair and send her off to school with only about 4 hours of sleep and a sling packed in ice that the doctors at the ER sent her home with. I have really great pictures of this but I am not sure how to scan pictures into my computer so... only those lucky enough to know her have seen the pictures. We go back to McDonald's the next day and tell them that she broke her arm there the night before and they were not that nice about it... why did you leave then? um we had a screaming toddler... we didn't want to disturb the esteemed McDonald's guests... Why didn't you tell us yesterday.... yeah refer to reason one...screaming toddler... people staring... blah blah blah...PS we won a law suit against them because it was a new play place and it wasn't proven....and by the time she gets the money it will not even pay for one semester of college...

It was December 2nd. You know how I remember that specific date 10 years ago??? Because I spent all of December 3rd 1998 in the orthopaedists office waiting until they could fit us in. All day... oh you don't know what December 3rd is. December 3rd 1998 was my 31st birthday. And we got there sometime around 11 and left somewhere around 4pm. With a little girl with a cast on....Broken arm #1

Good news about the broken arm though...it stopped the elbows from dislocating....coincidence? i think not...

Christmas 1998... yeah just a few weeks later...we get the biggest Christmas's tree ever... it is so big we have to put it on the side of the living room with the 14 foot ceilings. We are eating dinner downstairs when we hear, crash, boom, "Uh oh"... are you OK D4? The Christmas tree fell she says... we race up the stairs and she is under this giant tree. Hubby lifts the tree off her and we look at her and she has an ornament hook sticking out of her head...thank god it was just caught in her hair and not her head...there were broken glass ornaments all around her...

when they took her cast off in early January there was one lone pine needle stuck in the cast... unbelievable...

you wonder why i am so neurotic today... living with her was like being in Vietnam... you never knew when someone was gonna sneak up on you and bam drop a tree on your head...

There were years of illness and injuries. Things it would take me a lifetime to tell. I am going to skip forward to the next two big ones... the rest I will leave for another time...

January 2007... we take my sister in law and go to watch D4 play basketball in Northport. 4 seconds into the game...she trips backwards over another player and lands on her elbow. She plays still. She fouls 2 more times in such a short period of time the coach takes her out. I can see the way she is holding her arm and I look Hubby straight in the face and say... I think its your turn to go the emergency room. What? No. She's fine. Yeah we'll see I say.

The coach wants to put her back in and she is asking me with sign language across the court...I say, in sign language...come here(basically that means I wave) she comes over holding the arm like it may fall apart if she lets go. Are you OK I say as she walks over and she starts crying... it really hurts, she says. OK lets go, No she wants to stay for the rest of the game. We stay but she cant play. We leave and head over to the ER. D1 comes and gets me from the emergency room and we leave hubby behind with her (it was his turn) and he calls uh yeah D4 has a broken elbow. Holy cow... I try to call the orthopaedist the next day and they say... oh no no a broken elbow... you have to wait a week for the cast to go on, its too swollen.

A week later we see the orthopaedist and they put a cast from her fingers to her armpit. A pink one of course. After all... she is my kid...

Scary part is that a few weeks later, the cast is hurting her so bad. yeah turns out she is growing. Which is actually something they told us about when they xrayed her. "this kid has a lot of room in her growth plates" the doctor said...

Now... best story ever... sick and sad... but a story to tell

D3s Bat Mitzvah was in June 2006. The Monday after the Bat Mitzvah as we are all barely recovering from the weekend we are just hanging around home. I am on the phone with my mother downstairs and D3 and D4 are upstairs. D1 and D2 are in the living room watching TV.

All of a sudden we hear D3 screaming, "D4 fell and she is not breathing"... I drop the phone and race upstairs. D3 who is a tiny little peanut drags D4 into the hallway. After she tries to shake her awake. Not the ideal thing for a head injury. I come up the stairs and she is sitting up at the top of the stairs having a seizure, holding her arms straight out in front of her making some weird sound that was like "HUUUUUHHHUUUUUHHHHUUUUHHHH" It was a horrible sound. Call 911 I scream. Tell grandma we will call her back and call 911.

D1 picks up the phone and then races off into the bathroom to throw up... D2 calls 911 I think.. I should know this... I don't remember...

D4 starts to come out of it and I realize that there is an ambulance on the way and
D4 is lying in the midst of two weeks of dirty laundry. Oh honey come with mommy. I cant breathe she is saying... OK honey lets just move you down a few stairs until we are away from the dirty laundry. Step away from the laundry.

They take us away by ambulance and guess what... Concussion 2.

How did it happen you ask? The wheelie chair. The damn wheelie chair.

D4 wanted D3 to put something in the closet and she wouldn't...so D4 dragged over a wheelie chair and stood on it. It went out from under her and she fell straight back onto the hardwood floor. Unconscious, Seizure, Concussion.

Our first ambulance ride.

I should have taken a picture for her baby book.

I rode in the ambulance... and hubby met me there.

I am pretty sure it was his turn.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

This is why I can never diet

Here is why I cannot possibly diet or excercise....

By the way...thank you for all your comments on what to blog next...I will write about them all in time but now... I must bitch and complain... because that is what I do

Here is my day and yes all of you who annoyed me today...be sorry... cause now its public for everyone to know...

I wait and I wait every morning for D3 to go to school because I have to drive her 80 miles per day...and she takes her sweet ass time...so we left late which meant that constant feeling of racing around to get there on time and avoid the POPO because I have an expired inspection sticker...so off I race and I am tired, cold and hungry because I only ate soup last night because I had to take D3 to violin and try desperately to study which I should be doing now instead of blogging.. but i have to let off steam because I could kill someone...so I eat a giant blueberry muffin this morning dripping in butter because Monday is the day of our new diet and I may never have blueberry muffins with butter again...and then my friend calls and we talk about kids and how annoying they are... and then I go to work... which was the highlight of my day...because we eat, we talk, we make fun of bear people....i am annoyed because hubby wants to know our weekend schedule which means he either has something to do and doesnt want to say or he doesnt even have a clue what a ridiculous weekend this is... so I race out of work to go to the doctor who tells me that what I went to complain about is all in my head because there is no evidence of my complaint and I am like well i think its real and she says do you want to come back in 6 weeks and I say yeah and she says are you sure it will the holidays and you will probably be really busy and I am like yeah i'll make time because I am not making it up you stupid midget troll.... then I leave there come home and try once again to get my cell phones renewed...But before i can do that i check my messages and there is a message from my doctor who says call back and when I call back I am on hold because they cant find my chart and they are like you have a urinary tract infection and I am like yeah i told you that when I was there monday and on monday they said well we'll see young lady and we will culture your urine and if it comes back postive then and only then will we give you antibiotics and I am apparently a cipro drug seeker so....the nurse says ok we called in your prescription to the number you gave us and I say i didnt give you a number and she says oh have you ever had prescriptions called in before and i say yeah and she says oh its probably there, call me back if it isnt... and I say... you do know I am allergic to sulfur right and she says ooh let me check... hold hold hold... yes it does say that on your chart...sorry i am new here....so i get off the phone with her andI sign on with online chat at ATT and say hey I am a long time att customer why cant i get the discount and she says those are only for new customers... and i say well i will go be a new customer at Verizon then and she says here call this number they may be able to waive the fee... and so I do but they transfer me 3 times and my phone is beeping and it is D1 and she is sick and so she doesnt want to hear me complain about all this crap... and i am like pick a new phone, I cant get yours i dont know why because its not available in ny now and she is saying ok ... and i say look for a computer too and she is losing her patience with me as nicely as possible but I am like... you know what I have homework and work and laundry and a filthy house and way too much stuff to do...and D4 is throwing dirty tissues at the garbage and missing every time and then the dog is running away with it and eating snotty tissues... and I try to call D2 but she isnt answering so I am getting her a blue phone even though I dont know if thats the color she wants and I have too much on my plate...and sarah palin is all over the news and i just cant stand her face and that she thinks god is opening doors for her to be president...and i am trying to make dinner... which consists of pasta and broccoli because i just dont feel like cooking and I am hungry and I want cake and ice cream and...

that is why I can not possibly diet and when should I exercise?...no not instead of blogging...NOW... should I go now instead of dinner...or instead of homework... or instead of Survivor...or when huh when should I go??? at 5am... and when I am this stressed out should I eat salad... or tofu...or sprouts..no of course not... I should eat candy and cookies and cake and ben and jerrys...and i will until monday...when all hell breaks loose in the basement or should I say us elephants break loose and trample the boxes as we race up the stairs to the call of ...


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Too much homework



When I think of a blog idea I write it down on anything that is near me with anything I have to write with...little pieces of notebook paper, napkins, crayons, markers whatever...

Lately people have been discovering my secret blog ideas when they fall out of my jeans that are laying on the floor in my room or near the washing machine...

Hubby was like... I found a small piece of paper that says...men, high heels, getting stuck in their clothes...oh throw it out I said... I already wrote about that...

To keep you interested here are some upcoming blog ideas I am going to write...

D#4 and all her trips to the emergency room...

songs that remind me of stuff

more disturbing news stories

our family cruise

my girl scout adventures with each of my daughters

growing up in a house of hippies

and my very favorite and hopefully my next blog...

ham and hormones...

that is actually on a piece of paper in my back pocket right now...

feel free to let me know which one you would want to read first... i am open to all suggestions as long as you dont ask me to write about sarah palins famous moose chili... of course its real... ok ok add that to the list...

see ya... health pyschology and multicultural social work await...

Friday, November 7, 2008

Children are like Play doh

Kids are like play doh.

Do you remember play doh and how exciting it was to get new play doh?

When I was young there were only like 4 colors...red, white, blue and yellow i think...

Then... there were more...more colors, every color, even pink....

Play doh is fun when its new and has so many possibilities. All the colors and the smell...oh the smell of new play doh.

You hold it in your hands and you can make it into anything you want...just like your kids...they are born... pure and soft and moldable...and you dream of all the things it can be...and the play doh is so beautiful...when you first get it...and you take such care to keep it in its original container...so it doesnt go bad...you lock it up tight every night in its container...and you keep it away from all the evils that can hurt your play doh...

As time goes by...you let your friends or your family play with your play doh and they mix the colors. sometimes the play doh is still ok...the pink and turquoise are still nice together... but sometimes you mix in too many things and you cant see your pretty pink play doh anymore....the other kids have infected it with their yellow and purple and orange....and it is a big giant mess...and you wish you would have home schooled them...your kids, not the play doh...

are you getting my symbolism here???

Cause I could have gone with kids are like Etch a Sketch...

So then the play doh is not as fun...and you try to fix it...but then you turn your back for one second and the cap isnt on tight enough.... and your beautiful play doh...gets hard...you cant mold it anymore...you try to break off the hard parts but little pieces of it keep getting in and ruining your creations....you try everything... you add water...you hold it tightly in the palm of your hands... you let it go for a little while...and eventually you add new play doh to it...

But it never works because your play doh is not the same. It starts to resemble silly putty now...it lives in an egg and it takes on the reflection of whatever it hangs out with and it snaps when you try to hold it back. It melts and it is not long before you just have to let it go and let it be...

It happens no matter how hard you try to take care of your play doh, lets face it, how long does play doh last anyway? you want it to last forever but before you know it, its gone. And you can keep getting new play doh, but it gets expensive and one day you wake up and there is no more play doh. and no more silly putty...

And you wonder how it could be possible that you had the chance to make the play doh and silly putty into anything you wanted but somehow it took on a life of its own. The colors got mixed and then it hardened and then it was just like silly putty and then it snapped and then...poof its gone.

You go to bed as the keeper of the play doh, protective and in charge, sure that your play doh will be different and the next day you wake up as an idiot who doesnt know anything about play doh.

and it takes years before you get to play with the play doh again...

like when you have grandchildren.

and you watch your kids play with play doh again and you know that their play doh will start off as clean, new play doh but eventually will get mixed up and hard and you will try to tell them about play doh...but everyone needs to play with their own play doh and mold it and keep it away from the influences that destroy it like the play doh in other containers and the air.

you move on and you move to florida and you play golf instead of play doh because lets face it...its way more fun to hit things with a metal stick now...

And I only put this in to pretend that I am studying for biology...so there!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Living Happily Ever After

When I wanted to get married, people said we were nuts. I mean they really thought it was the stupidest thing they had ever heard.

Hubby and I dated for over a year before we got engaged, but we knew each other for about 5 years before that although we werent really friends.

Let me rephrase that, I knew him because he was cool and in the popular group, I dont think he knew me until I became friends with a girl he was dating. Because until then I was an unknown, stuck between being a loser and a wannabee. Life was tough in 10th grade.

I was 17 when we got engaged.

In my defense I had graduated high school in June and my birthday is late so even though my birth certificate said I was 17, mentally I was like way older.

And yes that is what I tell myself.

So we dated, he left for the Navy, I graduated high school, he came back, I wanted him to never leave me again.

We decide to get married. I am 17, he is 19 and we are from very different families. My parents are Jewish and Athiest Italian. He is 100% Irish Catholic.

Side note: when he told his parents that he was dating me they were like BlahBlahBlah, what kind of last name is that? Just for the record it ends in a vowel. And he said French... really I dont know which was worse in their eyes... the Italian or Jewish.

We pick out a ring, we get engaged and then we have to tell our parents. Being 17, I have to say I was not completely able to express myself like I can now at 40 (and after 5 years of therapy)

So I made hubby tell my dad.

He thought we were too young and that we should wait. He was not opposed to Hubby,even though he was a republican, in fact he liked him a lot, he just thought it was ridiculous to get married at 17 and 19.

I must have blocked it out because for the life of me I cannot remember Hubbys parents reaction. I am sure I made him tell them without me there but I dont even remember asking what their response was, and sickly I am sitting here thinking I dont even want to ask hubby now.

A lot of good the therapy has done.

So here we were getting married at such a young age and while we were planning the wedding we were like... we are planning the wedding for next year and until we are officially married, I cannot get on the Navy base, nor we will recieve any benefits for me. So...we had this great idea to elope.

We called a couple of places in the newspaper and found an interfaith reverand. He was in Freeport and did the weddings in his private chapel. Bingo.

We wake up early one morning with some crazy story about visiting our grandparents in Nassau county and we head off to pick up our witness, my friend from work. We drive to Freeport and we get married.

Here is a little advice I have for anyone getting married. Make the marriage about you and your hubby. Do not make it about the wedding. I could not be happier about the fact that it was just us and we were just about being together and sharing that moment.

Although my wedding was beautiful and I am glad that we did it I would do it so differently now.

I would take only my closest friends and family, no have to invites, and go off to someplace warm and tropical. I would plan a honeymoon that would last for weeks and I would spend every minute enjoying my new hubby and the life I was about to lead. No Djs, no beef, chicken or fish, no wilty expensive flowers and hideous bridesmaids dresses. No spending half the night talking to people we didnt know to appease our families, no fights about table seatings and who didnt want to be near who. None of it...just personally written vows and people who love us and cared about us. That is what a wedding should be.

Lets face it, when Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha combine their gifts with cousins Maria and Tony, for a grand total of 40 dollars, the 100 dollars you spend per plate doesnt seem worth it.

When we eloped it was just us, our witness and the reverand. We didnt tell anyone for months and kept it our own little secret. We did have a wedding but we dont even celebrate that date officially, just the day two young kids made a dream happen and leaped into adulthood.... and never looked back.

Getting married so young had its advantages...we grew up together...we werent set in our ways...we learned about sadness and dissapointment and patience and tolerance and how the world works. We had kids right away... i always wanted to...and I loved being a Mom, I still do, it was the best job I have ever had in my life.

We started our family from scratch and we added all the right ingredients until it grew into a beautiful creation...we tried out different recipes and we finally agreed on one that worked the best...

Look for love that is true and real and lasting... get to know the person but be able to grow together...accept flaws but demand respect...treat each other with kindness and make your future together...and live happily ever after.

Someday my prince will come...

I want to complain about men for a minute.

Or a lot of minutes, its hard to tell until I start writing.

Men are...

how can I say this nicely?

Oh yeah I cant, big stupid idiots.

Men harass you and annoy you for months and months, being republicans and talking about politics and then doing the opposite of what they say...and secretly having fantasies of Sarah Palin...

Men are so passive aggressive. They say things they dont mean and they do things they know they shouldnt. And then they pretend like there is nothing wrong.

Men never get stuck in their clothes. never. You never heard a man say...oh my god, i had to lay on my bed and zip these jeans with a wire hanger. Or oh my god my heels are so high, I broke my ankle walking to my car this morning. Never.

And why do we do that for them? You know it was men who created high heels and tight jeans and push up bras right? What the hell would women care if we all walked around in comfy sweatpants and giant sweatshirts that covered our fat asses and made our boobs look smaller?

Men snore and fart and wipe their noses on their sleeves and then they think they can still get the hot girl with the high heels and the skinny jeans and tramp stamp...

Where are the princes? You know the ones that wear jousting outfits and crowns and carry swords to kill all the dragons that annoy me. Have they all been turned into frogs? Where is the prince that has loads of family money from years of being the rulers of _____________ pick a country...not a middle eastern country though because then they take your kids and hide them there and you cant get them back because when you wear that thing over your head you cant see, although someone mentioned that even if I was wearing one they would know me by my blue mascara.

Remember Prince Charming from Sleeping Beauty or the prince from Snow White or Cinderellas prince who never stopped looking for her in the face of all those ugly girls??? Even when she had dirt on her face and rags on her back, he loved her still. And he was even nice to the evil stepsisters after the wedding.

Girls, marry a prince(and not the music guy who is a symbol)... someone who worships you like a queen(because Queens rule Princes)... someone who can slay your dragons, build you a moat so your mother in law cant get over the drawbridge, clean the castle, polish the crown jewels, put you on a pedestal and never ask you to wear 6 inch heels that can kill you or a sweater so tight when you try to take it off over your head you have to scream help help I am stuck in my clothes.

Princes who can cook and who hate sports and instead say Oh no of course, watch the cooking channel instead. Who never say "Oh we are having Captain Crunch for dinner, again?" and who look forward to spending time with your family...

Princes who hold doors open and fill your car up with gas when you forgot to and its 12 degrees outside...Who fold laundry while you sit and eat bon bons and soak your tired feet in warm water...and they are tired from walking around the mall not from wearing stupid high heels...

I want my girls to have a good life..a life full of happiness and health and princes...Their Dad is a Prince... and I didnt even have to kiss that many frogs to find him...

My choice....

Today is a day for Celebration...

A day America made a choice and put aside racism and false accusations for what was probably the most incredible election of my lifetime.

I heard people talk about the election of John F. Kennedy with the same feelings of hope and possibilities for the future.

We made a choice yesterday people... sort of like the choice I just made now when I turned my computer on...Blog about the most important day in our history or watch a lecture on the classifications of bacteria...it was a tough choice... but since I aced my meeting with my bio professor the other night... I thought the world needed my input today more than I needed to know that Bacteria are of the Kingdom Monera...

I just re watched President Obama speech (doesn't that have a nice ring to it).. and I have chills and tears in my eyes..(no I am not getting the flu) Its a moment that will remain in my mind forever... or at least until the full blown Alzheimer's kicks in.

when he spoke about his wife, his best friend for 16 years, his rock and the center of his whole life... I cant help it... I started crying... because I am grateful that through slavery and riots and racism that we could see past the color of this skin to the person he is on the inside...not a good black man... but a man who is an incredible person, who is brilliant and worldly and a dad who adores his girls, who happens to have a darker pigment of skin than some of the people in this world and a lighter pigment of skin than others...

I am overwhelmed with the possibility of change... real change...I don't think I have felt this way since September 11th when people put down their feelings of pain and suffering and came together in a way that I had never seen before in my life...for each other... for hope and peace...

I feel like we can do anything...we can save our planet and bring peace to the world...we can walk our streets without fear and we can maybe pay our bills.

I know this a lot for a President who is coming into the world that has been damaged in the last 8 years of ignorance and debilitating disregard. but I feel like maybe Obama can do it. Maybe just maybe...things will improve for everyone...whether you are gay or straight, married or single...black or white or yellow or red...

A man who came from nothing and made something of it... a role model for us all... it can be done... we just need to put our minds to it...

We make choices everyday that affect the world we live in.. do we hold the door open for our fellow man... do we stop on the side of the road when someone is broken down...do we reach out to others who have less than we do... do we have Mallomars or milanos..these things impact the world we live...maybe if we all ate more Mallomars during the year they wouldn't take them away in June...only 7 more months...stock up people..

Make a choice today... to better this Earth...don't litter (D#1), smile at a stranger, help a little old lady cross the street, hold the door, say thank you more, recycle(no really I am going to get a green can this weekend) call your mom and tell her you love her and she is amazing(hint hint)be real, like the velveteen rabbit, if you love something or someone tell them, give up your grudges, (i will try, no promises on this one)and just think about the possibilities of the future...

It got a little worrisome yesterday and my friend Ellen and I planned our escape in case McCain and Palin won...first we would cut up all the bears and make giant coats out of them... we would load up the car with all the kids and all the bears...we would make our way north to Nebraska where we would leave the kids(yes this is still going on)see The State of Nebraska has an awesome new law blog if you don't get this reference...then off to Alaska we go to prove that Bristol Palin is really the mother of Trig...(that is why we need the warm bear coats) We would bring Herman, our very large moose mascot to scare away the other Moose with the High Powered Assault rifles (see If you give a moose a high powered assault rifle blog) and once we had our evidence we would try to live in Canada but since its way too cold and our bears might keep us warm enough we would make our way to the Caribbean via Mississippi(because gas is 1.96 there, really)and we would stuff the bears full of cocaine and then send them to Bristol Palins boyfriend Levi so he could sell some drugs and make some money to escape...

Thankfully... none of this needs to happen because we are saved...Our country is on the mend and all is right with the world... except that Mallomar thing... I really have to work on that...