Living Happily Ever After

When I wanted to get married, people said we were nuts. I mean they really thought it was the stupidest thing they had ever heard.

Hubby and I dated for over a year before we got engaged, but we knew each other for about 5 years before that although we werent really friends.

Let me rephrase that, I knew him because he was cool and in the popular group, I dont think he knew me until I became friends with a girl he was dating. Because until then I was an unknown, stuck between being a loser and a wannabee. Life was tough in 10th grade.

I was 17 when we got engaged.

In my defense I had graduated high school in June and my birthday is late so even though my birth certificate said I was 17, mentally I was like way older.

And yes that is what I tell myself.

So we dated, he left for the Navy, I graduated high school, he came back, I wanted him to never leave me again.

We decide to get married. I am 17, he is 19 and we are from very different families. My parents are Jewish and Athiest Italian. He is 100% Irish Catholic.

Side note: when he told his parents that he was dating me they were like BlahBlahBlah, what kind of last name is that? Just for the record it ends in a vowel. And he said French... really I dont know which was worse in their eyes... the Italian or Jewish.

We pick out a ring, we get engaged and then we have to tell our parents. Being 17, I have to say I was not completely able to express myself like I can now at 40 (and after 5 years of therapy)

So I made hubby tell my dad.

He thought we were too young and that we should wait. He was not opposed to Hubby,even though he was a republican, in fact he liked him a lot, he just thought it was ridiculous to get married at 17 and 19.

I must have blocked it out because for the life of me I cannot remember Hubbys parents reaction. I am sure I made him tell them without me there but I dont even remember asking what their response was, and sickly I am sitting here thinking I dont even want to ask hubby now.

A lot of good the therapy has done.

So here we were getting married at such a young age and while we were planning the wedding we were like... we are planning the wedding for next year and until we are officially married, I cannot get on the Navy base, nor we will recieve any benefits for me. So...we had this great idea to elope.

We called a couple of places in the newspaper and found an interfaith reverand. He was in Freeport and did the weddings in his private chapel. Bingo.

We wake up early one morning with some crazy story about visiting our grandparents in Nassau county and we head off to pick up our witness, my friend from work. We drive to Freeport and we get married.

Here is a little advice I have for anyone getting married. Make the marriage about you and your hubby. Do not make it about the wedding. I could not be happier about the fact that it was just us and we were just about being together and sharing that moment.

Although my wedding was beautiful and I am glad that we did it I would do it so differently now.

I would take only my closest friends and family, no have to invites, and go off to someplace warm and tropical. I would plan a honeymoon that would last for weeks and I would spend every minute enjoying my new hubby and the life I was about to lead. No Djs, no beef, chicken or fish, no wilty expensive flowers and hideous bridesmaids dresses. No spending half the night talking to people we didnt know to appease our families, no fights about table seatings and who didnt want to be near who. None of it...just personally written vows and people who love us and cared about us. That is what a wedding should be.

Lets face it, when Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha combine their gifts with cousins Maria and Tony, for a grand total of 40 dollars, the 100 dollars you spend per plate doesnt seem worth it.

When we eloped it was just us, our witness and the reverand. We didnt tell anyone for months and kept it our own little secret. We did have a wedding but we dont even celebrate that date officially, just the day two young kids made a dream happen and leaped into adulthood.... and never looked back.

Getting married so young had its advantages...we grew up together...we werent set in our ways...we learned about sadness and dissapointment and patience and tolerance and how the world works. We had kids right away... i always wanted to...and I loved being a Mom, I still do, it was the best job I have ever had in my life.

We started our family from scratch and we added all the right ingredients until it grew into a beautiful creation...we tried out different recipes and we finally agreed on one that worked the best...

Look for love that is true and real and lasting... get to know the person but be able to grow together...accept flaws but demand respect...treat each other with kindness and make your future together...and live happily ever after.