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Monday, June 15, 2009

Some Problems Man!

So we just got back from Jamaica. The country. Not Queens. Although we spent most of the trip in Queens. The borough, not the band.

See if you can spot the problems in the following few pictures.

For anyone who has never traveled in NY I will tell you the problems with the pictures.

In picture 1, it is 4:30am and we are on the way to LaGuardia Airport in our snazzy limo with fred our personal driver.

In picture 2, it is almost 9am and we are still in LaGuardia 2 hours past our scheduled departure, seriously cutting into my pina colada time.

In picture 3, we are at Kennedy airport. How in the world you ask did we end up in Kennedy airport?


It is called the Dooley effect.

It used to be called Murphys Law but who the hell is Murphy anyway and I am sure we have way more incidents than him.

Dooley's Law states that anything that can go wrong... will.

So we are scheduled to leave NY at 6:50am. Why in God's name would anyone leave on vacation that early? To soak up the Jamaican sun Man. No problems man, no worries. Get there early, relaxing, dont waste time sleeping.

D3 goes to the Performing Arts Prom the friday night before we leave and dear sweet hubby picks her up at 1am in Nassau County 45 minutes away. They get home around 1:45am and we all sleep for less than 2 hours before we start getting ready.

We leave our house at 4:30am and we get to the airport around 5:30am two hours before we are now scheduled to leave, after our flight has been changed to 7:40am.

Let me point out that when Hubby and I went to the Dominican Republic we missed our connecting flight so I purposely made this flight with a 3 hour layover in Miami. Even our great American Airlines couldnt screw up a 3 hour layover. I mean The Skipper and Gilligan screwed up a 3 hour tour, but a 3 hour layover? No problem Man.

When our flight was delayed until 8:15am we questioned the lovely lady behind the counter. Why yes that is sarcastic, thanks for playing along. So she says you have plenty of time to make your connecting flight.

When our flight was delayed until 8:45am we asked the incredibly unhelpful demon spawn what our chances were of making our connecting flight which was now leaving Miami at 12:15pm.

The equally unhelpful man next to the seriously unhelpful beast lady says to the people in front of us, pray that your connecting flight is late.

Um excuse me I will be saving my praying for the flight not plummeting from the sky, not wasting it on hoping that the flight in Miami is delayed.

So when Hubby inquires for the billionth time about whether or not we are heading towards our long awaited trip to Jamaica man, this time the American Airlines Devil Spawn says "Well do you want to go to Kennedy?"

No actually I dont. I want to leave about 3 hours ago like I planned, I want to be in Miami having lunch and getting on a plane in a few minutes to Jamaica like I planned when I booked this trip 2 months ago.

Like I planned.

Not standing in LaGuardia thinking about knocking the next 3 people in line out of the way so we can get on the plane in Kennedy which thankfully is literally 20 minutes away.?

"If we miss the connecting flight in Miami when is the next flight to Jamaica?"

Never. Its freaking never.

So I guess we are going to Kennedy then thank you lovely troll.

Oh your welcome she says.

Obviously she doesnt understand sarcasm.

So off we head to Kennedy, a little annoyed but still on our way to Jamaica.

When we get to Kennedy we ask about our luggage.

Oh did you want your luggage on this trip?

That will be extra.


No really... your luggage is on the flight from NY to Miami, with no connecting flight into Jamaica.

It may arrive on another flight that is due into Jamaica around 8:20pm.

Hmmm... that does not sound likely, or logical at all.

When we get to Kennedy we discover our flight is delayed a half an hour. Because the flight crew is late/resting/recovering from a serious hangover/showing up late to work.

So they load us up on the plane because lets face it, the crew should not have to wait for us to you know walk on the plane when they finally arrive but we should wait for them in the smelly/skanky/stuffy/coffin they call a plane.

We finally take off and woohoo we are on our way to Jamaica.

We arrive in Jamaica around 4:30pm way after our scheduled arrival time of 1:05pm.

We go to the American Airline Counter.

Hey we are here. Yea good for you, they say.

Our luggage is missing and then we explain the whole story. Slowly so the stoned American Airlines girl can understand.

No she says. The luggage from the Miami flight is over there.

We calmly, I mean as calmly as anyone who was delayed in NY for over 5 hours can be, explain that there would be no way our luggage could be here because...we explain the whole story... we switched airports, flight from NY to Miami did not make it in time...

Um no... she says I think all the luggage from Miami came in over there.

I mean honestly we tried to explain it but then we seriously just walked over to look because she was so convinced that it would be there... or really she hoped to sneak out while we were looking.

Guess what? Our luggage was there.

No of course not. What good would this story be if our luggage was just sitting there? No but there were a bunch of other peoples luggage there with no people to get it. Hmmm... this is a great place for thieves.

You may as well have put a sign on it that said FREE LUGGAGE.

So we go back to Ms. Personality/Rocket Scientist.

Our bags arent there.

She is baffled because all the luggage from Miami is there. right over there. are you sure you looked there?

Oh My God.... our luggage is in Miami, I am sure.

OK can you describe whats in the luggage?


Yeah I had had enough by then.

Can you describe the clothes?

Girls Clothes.

In which suitcase where there girls clothes?

All of them.

Were there shoes in the bags?

Just one bag had shoes.

Only one bag had shoes?

Dont judge me stoned jamaican american airlines lady.

We have one whole suitcase full of shoes.

Anything else in the bags.


In which bag was that?

The shoe bag OK OK OK

Yes we did go to Jamaica with an entire bag with just shoes and toiletries.

We are 5 women and 1 man.

We went with 4 bottles of shampoo and conditioner, 2 full bars of our special soap that no one is allergic too, 2 packages of benadryl, 2 of claritin, and on and on and on. The entire suitcase was filled with sunscreen and hair gel.

So we go through the painful excrutiating process of explaining exactly what is in the bags and we leave the airport pretty sure that we will never see our luggage again.

We arrive at the hotel and we have to cancel our dinner reservations because we have no clothes.

We have been up since 3:30am, it is now 5:30pm and we have no toothbrush.

We do not get our luggage until 7:30am the next morning.

We slept in the clothes on our back and we fell asleep by the pool.

So this is how our vacation started.

I must say it only got better from there and I will blog about that more in the future.

Here are two of my favorite pictures though...

No Problem Man!!!
Its all good!!!