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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Yeah I should grow up... but I wont

Monday, July 27, 2009

Observations i have made this week


it seems there is a secret that I never knew. Having fewer children would have been way easier.

Ok... so I know you are thinking DUH..

But no really... the first time I thought about it was a few years ago when I went to pay for a vacation to Disney World. I had to pay per person and I realized that if I had 2 less children it would have cost me 2000 dollars less.

Hmmm... I thought. Things could have been cheaper with less children.
I swear that is the first time I ever thought about it.

When D1 was born, it was hard but I had no car, we lived far away and no money. I spent all day playing with her and although it was exhausting it was the life I always wanted.

When D2 was born, it was hard going from 1 to 2 but I figured it out and ultimately they were raised more like twins. I bought diapers and food and it didnt seem like I added much more to our expenses.

Going from 2 to 3 was a lot of work and since A)I hadnt had a baby in 5 years, B)Hubby was diagnosed with Cancer weeks after she was born and C)my family was not talking to me, it made it that much harder. I know that is why D3 was so well behaved. I mean really she slept when you put her in the stroller, was sweet when she was awake and literally made everyone smile every place she went. She was a light that stayed bright as long as we needed her too. But I managed.

I had the whole mom thing down by the time D4 was born and had she been like my other girls I probaly would have been ok but NOOOO... she was a nut job. Having 4 kids under 8 years old and the little one requiring so much time... it was hard.

But for the most part, it never occurred to me how much more money we spent on clothes or food or anything else. It just seemed like we spread around whatever we had.

for the entire 14 years I have had 4 children, I guess I just got used to there always being laundry, always needing to go food shopping, always needing to clean something, never having enough money.

It didnt seem to have anything to do with the amount of kids I had, rather just this was our life.

SOOOO when the only one around was D1 last week, it didnt occur to me that anything would be different.

Boy was I wrong.

first of all, I neglected the laundry all week, yet on Saturday when I went to do the laundry...not even a whole load of clothes. How could this be I thought?

D1 was doing the dishes after dinner... are those all the dishes she asked? Yea... I say... hmmm I think... somthing fishy is going on here.

And when I left for work in the morning, however I left the house, it was just like that when I got home. I cleaned one day and when I got home... yes can you believe it? The house was still clean.

When I bought a bag of Chips and spinach dip, every day I got home I had a little of it and it lasted the whole week.

Dinner... well it would have been cheaper if I didnt use all the food money to buy porterhouse steaks, 6 of those, which we had in two meals instead of just one.

A five pound bag of potatoes lasted through 2 dinners and a leftover. Normally I struggle to use it for one.

I observed that D4 is clearly the messiest kid I have.

I observed that D3 and her dilemmas take up a lot of my time(and I dont mind I am just stating a fact)I love being a part of the fix my problems game.

I observed that not having any children when we visited D2 in washington dc made it a beautiful visit where although they were all texting me at the same time I got to talk to her and listen to her and buy stuff just for her.

I observed that D1 liked being an only child and was way calmer without all the others around. We had a great time at the beach together and enjoyed cooking dinners and preparing other meals.

I observed that being alone all week made me appreciate hubby more and although I was nervous at the beginning of the week that I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life just the two of us, by the end of the week, we had a nice time at the beach together and spent some quality time on two car trips together. Not as much talking as I would have liked but.. well I am flexible.

I realized that since I found out I was pregnant 23 years ago, hubby and I have never had more than a day or two alone. This was probably the longest we have ever gone since we moved in together in May of 1986.

I observed that my eye stopped twitching around Wednesday after all the kids had been gone since Saturday.

Yes it took that long to calm down. Think post traumatic stress disorder.

Although I had so much to do, I did a lot of reading, crossword puzzles and closing my eyes while I sat in the backyard.

There is a story about a man who goes to his rabbi and says Rabbi my house is too small and with all 8 kids I cant stand it anymore.

The rabbi says, go get the pigs out of the barn and put them in the house.

What are you crazy the man says? But of course he listens to his rabbi, because all good jews do.

After a week he goes back to the Rabbi and says I cant take it with the kids and my wife and the pigs, its too crowded.

So the Rabbi says go get the cows from the barn and bring them in the house.

What are you crazy the man says? But he listens to his Rabbi because he doesnt want to go to hell.

On and on this goes, adding animals and in laws until no one could move in the house.

The man says Rabbi I cant take it anymore. And the Rabbi says Ok, go get everyone out of the house.

And when the man does he realized how amazing it feels to have just the 8 kids and his wife in the house and how spacious it feels?

Do you get the drift of my story?

I was being secretly judgemental... I know you are shocked... but I was thinking how easy parents of only children have it. Just 3 porterhouse steaks, every time. Not a 2000 dollar Kohls bill. 3 people for tickets to Billy Joel or Broadway, and if its a boy, no manicure/pedicures, haircuts, tampons, hair gel... all stuff which could add up to I dont know enough money for a boat.

When we went out to dinner with just D1, we sat on the same side of the table and D1 sat on the other side. Two clappers... all to herself.

The bill, half of what it usually is.

So is it because we had all the pigs, cows, horses and in laws in the house and when they left it seemed so quiet? Or is it because life would have been way easier with less children? If I just had one, and it was D1, I would be done now. I would own an apartment in the city, and a beach house in the Cayman Islands. I would have gone to Hawaii and Europe already and not be waiting for the last kid to graduate the last college.

But what would that get me?

Real Estate and fancy trips?

That is never what I wanted from my life.

It was the children.

The laughter, the excitement, the holidays with loud yelling and lots of activity in the kitchen.

The debating, the girl talk, the boy talk and the talk about politics and drugs and morality.

The kitchen, the heart of our home, cooking, eating,cleaning up and then more eating.

And I am sad that it is almost all over.

It was nice to have a little peace and quiet this week but if you asked me to go back to the best time in my life I would say, 2000 until 2003. The time when D4 started school to right before we opened the store.

The kids were 5,7,12 and 13. There was not a lot of money to go around and not much time for each kid but we managed, happily. It was fun here. The girls had each other if they needed them. No one drove, no one left home unless they were playing with a friend. And we enjoyed our time together.

I could never imagine not having the girls. I could not imagine having just 1 kid. None of my kids wants to be an only child and I am hoping this means that their childhood was special to them. I hope they have a lot of children, who can come and visit grandma anytime they want so they dont have to wait 23 years to enjoy their time with their spouse.

No Hawaiin shirts, No mickey mouse ears, no fancy cars, boats, or trips could ever take the place of my kids, how much I love them and want to give them everything they ever wanted.

No, I brought in the pigs and chickens and cows, they are gone now and I am happy with all the room that they left.

We will all be together next Saturday and that does not happen often anymore. And I will treasure it. Every minute, every last meal, load of laundry, new clothes, toiletries, manicures. All of it because once its gone I will probably choke on all the filet mignon I will be eating, but its no fun alone.

No fun at all.