Someday my prince will come...

I want to complain about men for a minute.

Or a lot of minutes, its hard to tell until I start writing.

Men are...

how can I say this nicely?

Oh yeah I cant, big stupid idiots.

Men harass you and annoy you for months and months, being republicans and talking about politics and then doing the opposite of what they say...and secretly having fantasies of Sarah Palin...

Men are so passive aggressive. They say things they dont mean and they do things they know they shouldnt. And then they pretend like there is nothing wrong.

Men never get stuck in their clothes. never. You never heard a man say...oh my god, i had to lay on my bed and zip these jeans with a wire hanger. Or oh my god my heels are so high, I broke my ankle walking to my car this morning. Never.

And why do we do that for them? You know it was men who created high heels and tight jeans and push up bras right? What the hell would women care if we all walked around in comfy sweatpants and giant sweatshirts that covered our fat asses and made our boobs look smaller?

Men snore and fart and wipe their noses on their sleeves and then they think they can still get the hot girl with the high heels and the skinny jeans and tramp stamp...

Where are the princes? You know the ones that wear jousting outfits and crowns and carry swords to kill all the dragons that annoy me. Have they all been turned into frogs? Where is the prince that has loads of family money from years of being the rulers of _____________ pick a country...not a middle eastern country though because then they take your kids and hide them there and you cant get them back because when you wear that thing over your head you cant see, although someone mentioned that even if I was wearing one they would know me by my blue mascara.

Remember Prince Charming from Sleeping Beauty or the prince from Snow White or Cinderellas prince who never stopped looking for her in the face of all those ugly girls??? Even when she had dirt on her face and rags on her back, he loved her still. And he was even nice to the evil stepsisters after the wedding.

Girls, marry a prince(and not the music guy who is a symbol)... someone who worships you like a queen(because Queens rule Princes)... someone who can slay your dragons, build you a moat so your mother in law cant get over the drawbridge, clean the castle, polish the crown jewels, put you on a pedestal and never ask you to wear 6 inch heels that can kill you or a sweater so tight when you try to take it off over your head you have to scream help help I am stuck in my clothes.

Princes who can cook and who hate sports and instead say Oh no of course, watch the cooking channel instead. Who never say "Oh we are having Captain Crunch for dinner, again?" and who look forward to spending time with your family...

Princes who hold doors open and fill your car up with gas when you forgot to and its 12 degrees outside...Who fold laundry while you sit and eat bon bons and soak your tired feet in warm water...and they are tired from walking around the mall not from wearing stupid high heels...

I want my girls to have a good life..a life full of happiness and health and princes...Their Dad is a Prince... and I didnt even have to kiss that many frogs to find him...