Vomited, Barfed, Ralphed, Puked, Tossed your cookies, Driving the porcelain bus, Throw up

I contemplated many ideas for this blog but as is always the case when everyone is together... the conversation turns to Vomit.

Everyone has a good vomit story. To protect the innocent I will not mention when these classic pukes occurred, just the stories themselves. because lets face it...throwing up is always funny.

to be fair i will start with myself.

I cannot even accurately describe to you how many times I puked when I was pregnant with D1 and D3. Every day, all day long, for almost 7 months. Literally everything I ate I knew I would be seeing later.

It got so bad that i had to make my choice of food based on what was easiest to vomit.

Hmmm...should i eat those really sharp taco flavored doritos that could slice me like a razor blade on the way back up, or those soft cushiony corn muffins?

dont get me wrong, i still ate the doritos, but I paid the price later.

I got pregnant about a month after we moved in together. We had been married since December, but Hubby was out on a Navy ship, picking up pieces of the exploded Challenger off the coast of Florida, touring Cuba and just in general saving our country from the bad guys. there were less bad guys in 1986 but nonetheless, the Navy thought they needed him more than me. We moved in together in May and I found out I was pregnant in July.

Newlyweds.

I was on my way home from work one day when I started throwing up into a McDonalds bag in my car. I threw up over the Tobin Bridge, all the way home. As I pulled up to our basement apartment in the ghetto of East Boston, I felt more vomiting coming on. I pulled the car into a space and ran for the door. I planned on racing into the bathroom but Hubby was standing there waiting for me so nicely.

Blahhahahahaha.... puked all over my shoes, his shoes, in a trail to the toilet.

And he still loves me even to this day.

I once ate an everything bagel and yoohoo. then i went shopping in tjmaxx. I was pregnant with D3. i will make it simple for you, there were a few unhappy people in TJ Maxx and i have not eaten an everything bagel or yoohoo in 15 years.

D1's famous vomit story: Outback... she orders fettucine alfredo...I know already you are thinking... mistake... but she was recovering from food poisoning and I think I may have convinced her that meat was a poor choice. We get in the car to go home and we start driving. We are not even out of the parking lot yet and she starts, hiccuping. Right away we are worried, because there is always a hiccup, a burp, laughing and then she blows.

So in order to keep the pattern going, hubby is screaming uh oh uh oh over and over again. D1 is laughing and saying, pull over I am going to throw up. hahahah. we laugh and laugh. She's gonna blow hubby screams, she's gonna blow. Really pull over dad, really, hiccup, hiccup, burp, burp, laugh, laugh, blahahahahah...in her defense she tried to roll down the window but it only goes down halfway in the back. I dont know something about child safety. Whatever... puke guard.

Well, she threw up in her lap... an entire plate of fettucine alfredo and cheese fries. It was classic. Of course we had just pulled out of the parking lot. Really. We laughed so hard we almost puked ourselves. when we got out of the car at home, she had full noodles and whole french fries in her lap. and clover ran outside for her feast of whole vomit. For a dog really what better meal is that.

D2's famous vomit story...ok D2 never vomits. Never. She is like Jerry Seinfeld. He hadnt vomited in like 12 years. But then....the black and white cookie. It did him in and seriously it was one of the funniest episodes to date.

JERRY: Uhm, The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.

ELAINE: Your views on race relations are fascinating. You really should do an op-ed piece for the Times.

JERRY: Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.

time goes by...

JERRY: Uh, I don't feel so good.

ELAINE: What's wrong?

JERRY: My stomach, I , I think it was that cookie.

ELAINE: The black and white?

JERRY: Yeah.

ELAINE: Not getting along?

JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Fahrikan down there.

ELAINE: Well if we can't look to the cookie where can we look?

JERRY: I feel like I'm going to throw up.

ELAINE: Hey, what about your vomit streak?

JERRY: I know, I haven't thrown up since June 29th, 1980.

so my point is she is not a big puker. but one time she was at a christmas party and just had way too many pretty, pretty drinks. She had a friend pick her up and apparently threw up in her car. The smell lasted forever even with multiple bottles of febreze. She threw up on her coat, her camera, her phone, D3's famous black boots and god knows what else. Her friend called D1 to come and secretly pick her up but we were on to her so Hubby went with D1 to pick her up. she was asleep on the floor of the bathroom, her clothes in a bag with her various vomit covered accessories.
that event caused a fight within her friends family that ultimately led to her friend being kicked out of the house on Christmas. The story continues and eventually the friend moved to Tennessee and got married. so if any thing goes wrong i have to say it is all D2's fault.

D3's vomit in a public place...so you read my story of how i ignored D3 when her appendix was rupturing??? Well anyway... she was pretty sick even after the surgery. But one day while she was recovering, I had this grand idea that we should get out of the house. I took her to Starbucks, got her a sugar free vanilla decaf latte and then drove through mcdonalds and got her fries. It was pouring out but I thought we should get some stuff from BJs. So I drop her off in the front of BJs and I go to park the car. As i am walking in the door I see her, head in garbage can puking her guts up. I am holding her hair and rubbing her back because really what else can I do at this point? When she is done, I took the garbage bag out and threw it outside in the big garbage bag. Then i say... do you think you feel well enough to go back inside?? Alright... I know... but I really needed dog food and shampoo. for gods sake, what did you want me to do? buy it in the supermarket.

D4's pukarama...we drove all the way to south carolina to stay in my parents condo. they werent there, just us. So we pull into Bob Evans for breakfast. As we pull into the parking lot, D1 is like I dont feel well. And she throws up in the parking lot. This apparently became a regular occurance because she threw up in the store parking lot the night before we opened and also I think in Walmart parking lot in Geneseo. Anyway sorry this is D4's story. So we say D1 can you make it into the restaurant? WE WERE HUNGRY. it was a long trip. huh! you are so judgemental. Well we go in and get a table and D4 at that time had a habit of waiting to the last minute and then jumping up and screaming, I am going to pee in my pants, while holding herself. So she says, I have to frow up...are you sure D4. Dry coughing and head shaking.... I grab her and run for the bathroom. But it was too late.. she started throwing up and I pulled her head into my hair so she wouldnt spew all over the restaurant. And she throws up in my hair. all the way to the bathroom. And then we cut the people in line to jump into a stall. Hey I am a new yorker, those crazy southerners have no idea what hit them. But D4 was worried, Blahahaha, mommy, blahahah, did we cut those people, blahaha, its ok honey, you are sick. ok blahblah. Now we call it Barf Evans, cause that is so funny.


Hubbys famous vomit story...we were at a wedding and hubby had way too much to drink. I never drank then because my blood sugar was so bad and my sister in law didnt drink because she was about 9 months pregnant with my nephew. So we were the designated drivers. it is a sucky job in this family let me tell you because everyone else drinks to oblivian. So we leave the wedding and hubby is in the front seat of my van. his family is in the back and I have to drive them from Hampton Bays to Ronkonkoma and yes that does mean i have to pass my house to get there. I am driving towards the hotel and hubby is passed out, And then I hear it...the dry cough and then... you guessed it... Total Barforama. Right on my front winshield. I roll down the window on his side, yeah i had power windows in that car. dont worry there were no bridges around. And he pukes all over the window, inside and outside. Vomit everywhere. When I drop his family at the hotel they run in and get towels. But it doesnt matter. There is vomit and vomit smell all over the car. When we got home, I stripped off his clothes, put him to bed, and then set out to clean the car. Boiling water on the outside, carpet cleaner on the inside. I was so pissed at him that night. When he woke up I told him he was dating his B1(brother 1)girlfriend. she spent the whole night hitting on him. I have to say right now its funny but at the time... no not so much.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STB4s7Qhf40

I dont know how to load videos yet so go to this link on youtube and watch this.

Bottom line is Barfing is always funny...no matter where or when it happens. and it sometimes is the highlight of any event. lets see if anyone tosses their cookies on thanksgiving. hahahaha cant wait...