Dreams, Signs and Psychic Ability

Okay, so first of all let me say the Y on my keyboard is sticking so when I start typing too fast to notice and there are missing Y's please forgive me. I will do my best to notice but... well you know.

So let me say that if you dont know me this whole blog is going to sound crazier than it would if you did know me. Maybe not and I am officially now not making any sense so let me just begin.

I believe in Ghosts. I believe in Dreams. I believe in Signs. And I believe that everything does happen for a reason, even if we never know the reason.

I believe in a bunch of other weird things and yes I am aware that most people are secretly thinking that I am a nut job, others not so secretly like my family.

D3 mentioned yesterday that there may be toxic fumes leaking into the basement that I work in and that is what is responsible for the craziness and yes that does include you Ellen. It may have come after I told her the breastfeeding conversation of yesterday. hahahaha

Ok so to the point... yes I am getting there, slowly I know but you know me I have to build it up.

A few weeks ago someone I work with had excruciating back pain one day and the next day I had it. No big deal right. I frequently have trouble with sciatica and it always acts up when I get cramps so no big deal.

Next a few days later I wake up out of the blue with a pain in my left knee. D4 has been on crutches since january with an injured left knee. I swear I thought I had taken her pain away, but hers was still there. the pain in my left knee has come and gone but hers is now gone. hmmm see what is happening here.

D3 had serious pain in her neck and left arm. This is similar to the pain I had before my surgery. The only thing that could relieve it was pulling her arm. I had the same thing but since my surgery, all over. Well I did move some doors around in my house so I did have a reason, but the pain in my neck was so bad the other night I thought I would throw up. Gone now.

So meanwhile, my little doggie has been sick and has a liver issue. Yeah well a few days ago I wake up and the whites of my eyes are yellow. D3 and D4 confirmed this so I am not making this up. Both of them said seperately What are you having sympathy pains for Clover now?

So I seem to be having sympathy pains for people who are hurting in my life. What does this mean? Have I become some sort of modern day Jesus? Am I actually taken their pain away or am I just feeling their pain so I can easily understand what they are going through?

One time after my brother in law died I woke up and felt what my sister in law felt when she woke up everyday. It was an overwhelming feeling of sadness that I could never describe to anyone unless they have gone through it.

there was a movie called powder that I think I may have mentioned before that shows how this weird kid powder held on to a dying deer and held onto to the hunter that shot him so the shooter could feel what the deer felt. Scared, lonely. It made a huge impact on me.

I dont know what I am supposed to do with this new found superpower. Is it my chance to help people? Is it to make me more sympathetic towards peoples pain because I feel like I already am pretty sympathetic. I constantly reevaluate my life and look at the signs. Sometimes though we get so caught up in our day to day life that we miss them.

D3 is always running late in the morning. And just when I think she is finally ready, she says I have to brush my teeth. No matter what she always leaves this to the last minute and it drives me nuts.

Except on more than one occasion we have missed an accident by just the amount of time it took her to brush her teeth while I was outside in the car freaking out.

Like today... I was waiting in the car and then I pulled out into the street and i was fairly calm for me anyway.

We drive to school and just a block away from school, not far from where D1 got in a car accident last year, are two of D3's friends on the side of the road, cars smashed, accident just happened.

It couldnt have happened more than 3-4 minutes before, just the amount of time it took to brush her teeth.

so maybe part of this lesson is dont freak out when you miss the bus, or the T, or the metro. Or miss a class all together. Or there is someone in front of you that is driving really slow and you want to take out your invisible gun and shoot them. Maybe there is a reason. Maybe you are always where you are supposed to be. Maybe when you run back in the house to get your bag that you forgot and you think Hot Dang i am going to be late, maybe you are being saved from something that you didnt even know.

there is a movie I think called sliding doors where I think it was Gwenyth Paltrow, misses the train as the doors close on her. Then the whole movie shows how different her life is just by the one moment. It goes back and forth from what happened if she made the train to what happened when she missed it. Do you meet the love of your life on the next train or do you make the train and get home in time to catch your spouse cheating on you?

You can go crazy thinking of the what ifs but really is it all completely out of our control? I dont believe that your whole life is already mapped out. I do believe we have control over choices we make and that is why we need to learn from every single situation we are in. We need to take something away from each experience even if its Crap, i never want to do that again.

We need to constantly look at the direction that we are heading and say is this what I want for myself?

I have reinvented myself many times when I wasnt happy with where I stood. I wanted a happy marriage and everyday I work to make that come true. Hubby and I are more in love today than we were 24 years ago, wow almost 25 this summer. but everyday we do special things for each other and respect each other. and when we get busy and a little off the track I show up at his office and whisk him away for a few hours so he can vent and I can listen and we are just enjoying each others company.

I loved being a stay at home mom. I wish i could still do it. And I love my job mostly because I love my bosses, they are totally cool, extremely generous and give me the flexibility I need to take care of myself and my family. But I always wanted to go to college so now I am doing that and maybe someday I will change careers, a long time from now when I graduate in like 4 years or maybe I will be mailing out bears with a masters degree in genetics. whatever.

My point is that it is not certain what your life is. It is not set in stone. One mistake today does not change your life permanently. It constantly changes. You constantly have the chance to look and say hey this isnt what i wanted for myself.

So I dreamed last night I ran away with Kid Rock. And D1 dreamt Hubby lost his job. and D3 dreamed that D2 was missing in Spain.

I know these arent true signs. I know these are metaphors for things. I know that recently I have wished that Hubby and I were 16 again and gazing lovingly into each others eyes instead of figuring out how we are gonna pay the american express bill.

Kid Rock is the way out of all my responsibility.

And hubby has been stressed out at work. D1 is sensing his aggravation at work and his disgust with alot of what is going on there.

and D3 is always worried about everyone because her life has always been making sure others are happy. From the time she was 5 weeks old and hubby was diagnosed with cancer, she would come to sloan kettering with us and just talk and giggle and for a time those cancer stricken people could just be warmed by her joy.

These are signs of something, but not literal.

D1 has psychic ability. Many people have told her that. She has always fought it but now she is channeling it a little and learning its uses.

Can you sense that we are winning the lottery please D1???