Dr. D4little

I am going back to writing stories about my family which was the point of this whole blog anyway. I think maybe all of my readers have had enough of my ridiculous ideas about the world. I reserve the right to continue to blab if the following occurs:

1. Sarah Palin ever runs for anything again. I have a follow up to my If you give a moose a high powered assault rifle to share called Cloudy with a chance of Assininity.

2. Kid Rock asks me too write a blog about his life.

Ok back to my story.

D4 is a serious animal lover and she is a dedicated animal lover which really just means that she will pick up any stray animal and want to keep it forever.

Presently this weekend she will be babysitting for 3 cats and 2 dogs. I told you she is dedicated.

So way back when, I wish I could remember the date exactly but it was springtime maybe 4 years ago or so when D4 was about 10, we had an incident we like to call the bad bad bunny incident.

We are in the house minding our own beeswax when the landscaper comes to the door holding something little and furry in his hands which I instantly think is a rat and hopefully dead.

He explains that while he was mowing the lawn, a group of little baby bunnies sprung up from the ground and ran off but these 2 were left behind. Obviously the runts of the group.

He is cradling this little bunny in his arms so I refrained from suggesting he stick them back in the ground and run over them with his lawn mower.

I am like Ok what do you want me to do with some rejected orphan wild bunnies.

And then D4 hears this and comes racing down with a bucket and says oh can we keep them.

Uhhh...if she didnt hear we could have had some nice rabbit stew for dinner but NOOOO, there we are in the backyard transferring them to a container and bringing them in the house.

Wild rabbits in the kitchen. What else do I need? Dont answer that.

So we settle the bunnies in, at the time we were between dogs so we were pet free.

And we head off to the pet store to stock up on rabbit supplies.

A cage with toys and rabbit fluff for the bottom, rabbit food, who knows what else.

So we bring it all home and make our new wild rabbits a home in our house.

D4 has a giant bucket that she lets the bunnies go in so they can play.

We leave the bunnies in this bucket which has 14 inch high walls and no top on top of the kitchen table you know so they can play.

D4 comes into my room in the morning and says where did you put the bunnies?

Where did I put the bunnies, I wouldnt touch those things, they are in the bucket in the kitchen.

Umm, no they arent.

D4, dont be funny, of course they are in there, how could they have gotten out.

Mom they are not in there, they escaped.

Yeah right how could 2 tiny baby bunnies jump over a 14 inch wall from the kitchen table and not be splattered on the kitchen floor.

You better be kidding, D4 or I am going to kill you.

Suddenly I start picturing bunnies multiplying in my walls. Millions of bunnies taking over the house, you know what they say about multiplying like rabbits right?

Or then I picture days going by and then there being a smell, a smell that is a combination of rotting flesh and ass, combined with burnt broccoli and farts. If you never had a dead rat in your wall you might not be familiar with this smell but I am and I never want to smell it again.

Or I think perhaps I may go into the bathroom one day and a giant rabbit with pointy teeth may come out of the drain to get revenge for our lack of car in taking care of it. A rabbit that has grown to epic proportions by being exposed to a combination of soft scrub bleach and curly hair shampoo.

Or worst of all I fear that we will be looking for something long into the future and we will find a dead little bunny curled up next to my precious Mrs. Beasley doll desperately trying to find its mother and resigning itself to dying alone and sad with a 1970's retro doll.

So we begin the search. Hubby is whispering, Nan there is no way we are going to find them. They are tiny and who knows how long they have been gone. And I am starting to freak out like yeah we are going to find them. WE ARE!!!

The kids start looking around and the bunnies are no where to be found. Seriously how the hell did 2 tiny baby rabbits figure out a way to get out of a bucket on top of a table in a pretty big house and disappear? I saw them whispering together the day before but I thought they were just admiring my hair. I didnt know they were concocting an escape plan.

After quite some time and the realization that they were gone for good, I remember that once a long time ago I found a dead mouse under the stove. Maybe that is a secret hiding place for bunnies.

And lo and behold, there was one of them. And when I found him he said Tag your it. I didnt know we were playing a game. Where is your brother I said to bunny 1? Thats not how the game works, you gotta find him too.

So I search and search and I decide to look in all the places rodents have been before in my house and that is where I find him hiding behind a box in the den.

And I say Ok D4 out they go to the world. No mom they are too little to be on their own. Oh yeah they just escaped from a high security prison cell and now you want me to what put them in solitary.

Obviously they cant be trusted they are making up secret plans. Who knows what they will do next, infiltrate the TV station and make every channel play Bugs Bunny. This could be dangerous D4 we must let them go.

and we did and that is why today when we come home and there are bunnies on our lawn we try to ask them some questions to see if they are the bunnies that we fostered in our home for a few days in the spring of some year i cant remember.

And that is why D4 was planning on being a veterinarian until she became obsessed with George Clooney from ER and is now going to be a pediatrician.

Oh damn I hope she doesnt find some homeless children to bring in, I dont know if I have a cage big enough.