Roots and Wings

When it was time for Daughter #1 to start preschool, we asked everyone we knew where to go. We had just moved back to Long Island from Florida, bought a condo and were anxious to begin our life. We got many recommendations for the St. James Church in Setauket preschool.



I called and spoke to someone at the church. I asked them very specifically if the school was in any way religious. No, No, this school is for all denominations. Ok, sign her up, come to the parent meeting, she'll start the next day. Great.

So I go to the parent meeting. They go over the progam, talk about the crafts, talk about parent volunteering and talk about laying the flowers at the Virgin Mary statue in the back of the church.

Um... what.... I thought it was non-denominational... yeah it is, any religion can attend...but we lay the flowers at the Virgin Mary and pray there...Oh My GOD, the Jewish One, not the Jesus one... what am I gonna do the night before preschool?

So I pull her out of the school and call the other recommended school, Mini-World. It meets in the church on Old Town Rd in Port Jefferson Station. I call.

Is this school religious? Oh no she says... we are not affiliated with the church, we just rent the space. Ok I say... and I tell her about my experience. She tells me she is Jewish and I know it will be fine.

The first day of Mini-World comes and I am so nervous about dropping off
Daughter #1. Will she make any friends, will she cry without me??

We drop her off, my mother and I, and we come outside to head off to lunch. I guess we never anticipated how sad daughter #2 would be without her ERRY. (funny daughter #4 called her HARRY when she couldnt say her name). We try to put daughter #2 in the car and she is crying and crying, I want my Erry. It broke my heart.

I still laughed though. She wouldnt get in the car seat, she didnt want to go to lunch, she just wanted to cry for her lost sister. The sister she had spent every minute with since she was born. Daughter #1 was 3 and a half when she started preschool so Daughter #2 was only 2 and a few months.

Her lifelong companion was moving on without her and she just couldnt understand why. They shared a bedroom, they shared their toys and their clothes. They were raised almost like twins. Now we were leaving one with these strangers and there would be no one to color with at lunch.

We dragged her to the Good Steer, yes I do realize that this is the second Good Steer reference this week. She sat in the booth, sobbing, wanting her sister. My mother and I couldnt console her. She was just so lost. I think she finally ate chicken nuggets but with tears streaming down her face and sniffles the whole time.

She hugged her so tight when we went to pick her up. Her buddy was back.

As time went on, she learned to enjoy the alone time with mommy. At least until the next two came along. By the time daughter #1 started kindergarten, daughter #2 and I had perfected the day, eating scramble eggs with cheese while watching the price is right before she went to preschool. It was our thing and we loved it.

And years later we still spent a lot of time alone together when we opened the store. She was with me every minute. She worked when I was too exhausted to go on, while I slept in the back. She designed shirts and helped do the orders. She ran the store when I couldnt be there. Mentally and physically.

My older girls grew into people. People that I love, but more than that people I like. They are daughters that grew into friends.

That is the downside about sending your kids to college. You raise them to be great human beings and people you want to hang out with. And then they leave.

They leave to go off and spread their wings. And on one hand, you miss them so much you dont know how you can make it through your day and on the other hand you are so proud because that was your goal.

To turn little people into big people. People who can make it on their own. Roots and Wings they say. Roots to grow and wings to soar.

It starts in preschool. Small wings. Soaring. Roots to grow. And they grow a little each year until it is time to stand back and watch while they take off in flight. On a journey alone. That you cant be a part of.

Just like daughter #1 and daughter #2. And eventually daughter #3 and daughter #4 will grow and soar also.

And then it will be my time to soar. With a new plan in sight.

But I will always be available to fix any broken wings or help water the roots. So they will be the best people they can be. Roots and Wings.