There is a time to every purpose under heaven....

Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I am sure you all have gotten these sappy emails that talk about friends and what they mean to you and whether you are a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Unfortunately you never know which ones are which and sometimes just when you think you have found a forever friend something changes and makes you realize that they fit into a different category.

I did not have good friends in junior high school and high school. I have often over the years looked back and wondered why I was the person I was then and how I became someone so different. I owe a lot of it to my husband who grew up completely different than I did and has a strong set of morals that I envy.

I have been with him since I was 16 so I believe his influences on me ( and me on him ) have made us into better people.

When I started Kindergarten I was only 4 years old because my birthday was in December. I am not bragging when I say I was brilliantly smart, it was more of a curse my whole life instead of a good thing. I was already reading when I started school, so when it came time to get into reading groups I was by myself in the blue group. Just me. Alone. No friends to play with or share milk and cookies with, just the blue group... the teacher, me and a book.

They finally sent me up to first grade for reading because I was so far ahead. I sat with my head down and cried silent tears that dripped on my textbook. Nobody wanted to be friends with the baby kindergartener who was smarter than they were. No first grade friends here.

I was painfully shy. Really I was. I was introverted and sneaky and rude really. I was fresh to adults and did not respect authority in any way.

I had some friends in elementary school but they all went to a different junior high. I was in all advanced classes when I went to junior high, so I was finally with other smart kids. I had some nerdy friends but I always desperately wanted to be cool. And I would do whatever it took to get there. I sacrificed my friendships for that opportunity.

In eighth grade I tried out for cheerleading and didn't make it. Then I tried out for volleyball and didn't make it. Then I was being picked on by the "cool girl". She tortured me everyday and I was scared. My nerdy friends were in no way capable of saving me. Then I got mono, and I was so sick for a long time. I was out of school from before Thanksgiving to after New Years and I was home tutored.

By the time I came back to school after my illness any friends I had had moved on. So I started hanging out with the druggies. They were so much more accepting. They wanted everyone to be their friend or just a customer really, it didnt matter to them.

I would have done anything at that point to be cool. I had no real friends. And I got into lots of trouble.

The next years through high school I finally made cheerleading and I made some good friends through there. As usual with girls though things went bad and I ended up in my senior year being completely alone. Hubby had left for the Navy, all my friends had joined some sort of I hate Nancy club and I walked those hallways of Newfield High School alone and wishing for friends.

I was a follower. When I got married I met some Navy wives and I was still desperate for some sort of status coolness that I thought was going to bring me satisfaction. I was easily influenced by people I never even knew existed in the world. Instafamilies we called them, young single moms looking to snag themself a sailor. Did you ever see Officer and a Gentlemen? One of my favorite movies of all times. Thats what they were. Small town girls with big dreams riding on the bellbottom jeans of the enlisted men.

I had no friends from high school, no one to trust from the Navy and finally we moved back home to be near our families.

I longed for a friend like a sister that you could call at any time and know they would be there for you. I have a sister but she never had any interest in having that kind of relationship with me. I was close with my mom but I wanted to have someone my own age.

Over the years I have made some amazing friends, people that I thought would be the lifetime kind who just dissapeared into a sea of dysfunction.

Lets face it. There are points in your life when your friends are people that have kids your kids age. You meet for lunch, have play dates, talk about diapers and naptime and what life would be like if you could just get 5 minutes to yourself.

Then you meet people through work or your husbands job and the kids arent a part of it. Maybe you hire a babysitter but most likely all you can talk about is the kids and how fast they are growing and you compare stories about the teachers and the price of sneakers and how great it would be to have 5 minutes to yourself.

I have made many friends that have been in my life for a reason or a season. When I look back now, I can certaintly see why they were a part of my life and the importance of what their presence meant to me. I have grown as a person through these relationships. A reason.

I had friends through each kid I have. Number 1's friends had parents that we got together with for every holiday. We had a standing invitation for Memorial Day, Labor Day, New Years, every one. We rotated, we had theme parties, the kids all got along great (they were all girls- 11 all together) Then the kids started high school and half of the girls went bad and the ones that didnt formed their own new group but the parents didnt follow. We just gave up our get togethers and moved on. A season? Or a reason? Sometimes they cross over.

One of Number 2's friends mom was my closest friend, the one I always wanted, like a sister, for quite some time. It was her who I thought would be my "lifetime". We planned to sit together as little old ladies on a porch drinking peach snapples complaining that our husbands were lame and that our kids didnt call or write. Unfortunately I didnt know in her mind she was filling her peach snapple bottle with vodka and beating her kids with the bottle when she was done. It has been a wake up call for me. How was I so easily fooled? Have I always been this naive, since I was hanging out with the druggies or making poor choices with the white trash navy wives? My kids said I acted poorly when I was with her. I am a follower.

I have had moments when my friends were the only things that got me through the most tragic moments of my life. 2004-2005 were two of the worst years of my life and I had a friend who listened to me cry almost every day. She moved in November of 2005 and I didnt know how I would make it without her. But things got better and I got stronger. A reason? Definitely!!

I have some great friends now. People I see everyday and others I just cant seem to catch up with. I wonder if these are my reasons, seasons, or lifetimes.

As I have gotten older I have given up my longing for a sister. I have daughters. And they are people that I would love to be friends with. I know they also need friends their own age. But I hope they always stay in touch.

I am grateful for the people in my life now and I have learned to enjoy them just in case they are only with me for a short time. I have learned that life is short, you never know how long you have with anyone and sometimes you only get a season. I can see the reasons for the friends I have now and those who have gone their own way. A lifetime is a lot longer than I can wrap my head around right now.

There is a time to every purpose under heaven,
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
Turn, Turn, Turn