Oprah is a liar... and so is Dr. Oz

Ok so I am obsessed with dieting. Wait... I should clarify that. I am obsessed with diets. I have tried (and basically failed) at every diet I have ever been on. Actually in recent years the only diet I lost weight on is the "I had surgery and couldnt swallow" diet. It was extremely effective. Basically I would lick a carrot or suck on a blueberry muffin and that would be a meal. I think that was what I ate for Mothers Day. I lost about 28 lbs. Over a long period of time. Probably about 9 months. But once I could swallow... watch out. I went back to eating everything in sight.

So I have been a borderline diabetic for 15 years. I had gestational diabetes with 2 of my 4 pregnancies and was diagnosed right after my two older girls were born with blood sugar issues that made my sugar level totally out of whack.

My doctor told me to follow this diet or I could go into a blood sugar shock. So I totally went crazy. I followed that diet perfectly. I didnt even lick an m&m. I was so afraid. And then one day I ate a cookie, then a candy bar, then ice cream. And guess what... Nothing happened. I had an instant hangover but it was worth the sugar fix.

So off I went. I weighed 117lbs when I got married in 1985. Now 23 years later I weigh...


are you serious??? do you think i would put that number in print??? never!! Instead I just obsess about it everyday with a friend of mine.

We start a new diet almost every week. Sometimes we dont even make it to the start of day one before we quit. Somedays we make it until after lunch and then we eat a little tiny candy bar. We have tried the Fruit diet, the all salad diet, the 1200 calorie diet, and today we tried Dr. OZs diet drink.

And on Oprah yesterday she tried it and said "yum" Liar! It was your typical drink of stuff that doesnt sound completely revolting but looks like a small alien bled into your glass. You know with green alien blood???

So my friend shopped for all the stuff, which cost a fortune and made it for us today for lunch. It was supposed to be a drink but it was more of a slushy. We tried it with a spoon. It almost made me spit it out, but it was food and I very rarely give up a chance to eat anything, even something sososososos gross. So we made a salad and decided Dr. Oz and Oprah are idiots. Dr. Oz claimed to eat this every morning. I think his servants are lying to him. Just like in Seinfeld when everyone thought they were eating low fat yogurt and it was really so fattening everyone was gaining weight? Same thing. Dr. Oz has no idea what they are putting in his morning glass of fresh.

And Oprah??? really she has her own weight issues. Has she ever been skinny for very long since that episode where she dragged out all the chicken fat and compared it to how much she lost??

I have steadily grown over the years to a size that I am not happy with. I want to be a size 6 again.

My friend and I once went to a weight loss lecture where the guy said "if you cant follow something like this for 9 days you have bigger problems than your weight" That is most likely true.

We complain about our weight so much that another friend we worked with had to move to Florida to get away from us. He gave us so many tips and while he was here we were more likely to follow it but now... no .... not so much.

We are looking for the instant weight loss. The one that comes from just being good people, who spend their days running around with their kids and working hard. We cook dinner for our families and have trouble sacrificing when we have to cook for so many.

We were gonna do weight watchers but the amount of points in pizza deterred us. We were trying to count calories but apparently blue cheese on your salad makes it as many calories as a cheeseburger deluxe.

So Dr. Oz.... find me a drink that tastes like chocolate, that makes me lose weight like my mouth is sewn shut, with the only excercise being driving to sporting events and to the kids friends houses. And I will drink it and I will love it. If I could lose 20 lbs by this weekend that would be an added plus.

Until then I will just complain and feel a slight amount of happiness when I get a stomach virus that causes me to eliminate all that I eat from my body. Complaining should be worth about a couple of hundred calories,

Actually if it did I would be the size 6 that I hoped for.

For now I will just make it my lifes goal to make sure no one makes that gross drink we tried today.

so people Dr. Oz and Oprah , lying liars who lie. Stay away.