Gravity... if I cant see it, its not real.

Ok... so Monday night was my Microbiology test. After that we were supposed to be discussing CELLS. da da da dun

Let me give you a little background on this college again. I am not sure I described it exactly. The college is Empire State College and it is a SUNY school for adults. There are some kids who go there too but mostly for people who pretended to go to college when they were young and drove to the mall everyday instead.(Actually that wasnt my fault, Stony Brook was minutes away from the Smithhaven Mall and my car would get stuck going forward and just never make the turn to get to school)

The college has this unique program where you can write papers on your life events and get college credit for them. I thought this would be an easy scam to get credits but it isnt. You have to demonstrate college level learning in the form of a very long paper and then they are evaluated by professionals in that field and you can get between 1 and 4 credits per paper.

Soooo... my first paper was on Traumatic Brain Injuries because of how I took care of my brother in law after he was injured in a snowboarding accident. See blog The Biggest Little city in the World, Part 2 Mickey Mouse Sucks, Comas and Brain Injuries and Pregnant sisters oh my and the long and winding road for more information on this topic. (Yeah I got a little stuck on that subject, sorry)

The paper was 17 pages long. I know you are thinking to yourself, no way, Nancy is such a brief writer, how could she have come up with 17 pages. I actually had to stop the paper because it was so upsetting to relive and also it was finally due and I had to stop somewhere. I learned so much from that experience. I have to say that is what led me to realize that owning a girls sporting goods store was not for me and my life really had to include some sort of public service in a medical field. (Hence, Genetic Counseling, hence, Microbiology, hence why the hell am I blogging when i only got a 76 on my test) (woops, I gave away the surprise ending to the story)

Well, whatever...my second paper was on Owning and Operating your own business. It took me 6 months to write my business plan, I did all the research myself and spend countless hours finding information USING DIAL UP I might add. I included the business plan in my paper so that one was about 35 pages long. Shocked you are I know...

The third paper was on Volunteering as a Girl Scout Leader. I was a girl scout leader for all 4 of my girls but for Daughter #2 the longest. We went camping endless times and I have some great stories which I am saving for another time...

Ooh that just reminded me... this blog was supposed to be Nancys Rules for the World...ok maybe when I get home from work.

Back to Reality(oops there goes gravity)(that was for you D#2)In any case after the papers are done they are sent to this committee and you have to wait to see how many credits you get for them. I finished all these papers in June and I am still waiting. Probably because my original mentor, fell asleep during one of our meetings and just generally slacked off on my "mentoring".

No joke, he was reading my business paper and I looked at him and he was sleeping and I didnt know what to do so I shifted in my chair and kicked the desk and he startled awake, but fell right to sleep again. After sitting there thinking,is he dead, should I call 911, should I write on his forehead with Sharpie "sleeping mentor" which I lovingly call him now, no, not to his face...I finally said, ok I gotta go and he startled awake and said oh I think I zoned out for awhile. Umm yeah...now newly being crowned in the Mrs Alaska pageant, Mrs. confidence,(i did beat sarah palin out for that) I knew my paper was great so I didnt think it was me that bored him to sleep...he was like... i think its my new blood pressure medicine...yeah that happens to me too I said, so he wouldnt feel bad and I left.

Why is it that I always feel the need to make people who are clearly messing up feel better about themselves? Its not everyone really, just seriously old people and people who are so pathetic, watching them squirm is just painful. (not sarah palin though i would love to watch her suffer)

Now I think everytime he sees me its like "you know my little secret" and he avoids me. I have since changed mentors but I cant help wondering about the damage he did before I switched to my Bio professor as my mentor.

Long and Boring I know, let me get to the point Finally!

You register for classes and each class has a professor, You meet individually with your professor, they give you work, you go home and blog and then you return to be personally humiliated when you meet with your professor privately and have no idea what they are talking about.

Ok its not supposed to go exactly like that...

And I really should put a disclaimer here...I tend to exaggerate. No really, I do. So even though I constantly talk about procrastinating and never doing my work and being publicly humiliated, I could possibly be exaggerating a little. Like for instance it is possible that I have never gotten below an A in my classes. Just maybe.

The idea is a one on one meeting with your professor and you work at your own pace within a framework of the semester and then you get an evaluation with a grade at the end of the semester.

Now in the past I have taken about 5 counseling related classes. I read the book, I write my fabulous papers, I go in, discuss it with the professor,they tell me that I am brilliant, (which I kinda knew) and then I get more work, and go. No humiliation, no looks of horror. just general praise and yes i love that.

Enter Biology...I forgot to mention that you create your own major at this college and then you work with your mentor, not when he is sleeping, to create a group of classes that fits your major along with the core classes SUNY schools require. You know your basic english, math ,history blah blah blah...I made my schedule to be half biology and half counseling based on other programs and the requirements to get into a genetic counseling program.

The first biology class I took was Anatomy and Physiology and I was really scared, but then I realized that I have so many of the diseases and problems that we discussed I felt like I was cheating. When I had the test on the endocrine system I was like, I feel like I am cheating because I know all about the thyroid, pancreas, kidneys, liver because I have had issues with them all... and when I took the test on nerves and muscles I knew all about that because of my neck surgery last year. So I rocked that class like no other. I got an 84 on my first test and I was so dissapointed, that I got a 96 and a 98 on the next two.

I wont be embarassed by your applause...

Wow I have gotten so far from the original point of this blog which was...

I am taking two bio classes this semester along with two more counseling classes. All the counseling classes are read this book, write a paper, come in and discuss, done I get an A. The bio classes in the past were, watch this online lecture, take a test, sit painfully while he marks it and go home and get an A.

Cell biology... different format. Read these chapters, take notes, come in and we will discuss the material.

Did I ever mention that I dont actually believe in molecules and atoms and crap like that?

Ok so the first time we discussed cell biology, I was super humiliated. I literally had no idea what he was talking about although I read the chapter, took notes and thought ok we are done ever needing to know this.

I said words like Amphipathic and he said oh do you mean antiparallel and I didnt but I said oh yeah. Then he said what are proteins made up of and I said nucleic acids and he fell off his chair and I said no no no amino acids. But it was clear that I was a Cell Biology Dumbass. think president Bush when he is trying to pronounce the names of the foreign leaders...net..un..ya...hoodle??

this week I take my test on Microbiology and I do well on the multiple choice but the fill in the blank, no not so much. I would have gotten an 85 if he didnt have to grade the second part. I told him that I didnt study the parts of the different types of microscope because I thought it was really not that important and he said... you do know this is a class that is about things you can only see through a microscope right? Oh yeah...MICRO biology I get it. So do we call cell biology, invisible, cant see it so its not real biology, made up in some scientist who had nothing to do while all the other boys his age were dating biology??? NO... we dont. And that is why I didnt study the different microscopes or the people who invented crap because when I am telling two people that they shouldnt have children because there genes tell me that they are too ugly and stupid to reproduce... Neither of us will care that some guy named Leuwenhook or something saw the first cell in the 1600s
in cork. DO you agree or am I just being petty because I got them all wrong? And really, I only got one wrong but that doesnt make the point as well.

the purpose of this TALK we were going to have after my test was for him to convince me of the Law of thermodynamics. He said if I get nothing else in my life I should get that.

He starts explaining the law of thermodynamics which I blogged about somewhere else... it states that energy can be neither created or destroyed and that the universe is trying to become more random...

So he says... this is something you just have to accept, like gravity you believe in that right? and i say...yeah of course... and he says you know like evolution, you cant see that but you believe in that right and I am like....well and he says molecules and atoms... and I say... well I have trouble believing in abstract invisible things... and he laughs... invisible he says? as if its a question and I say can I see this and I point to a molecule of an unsaturated fat and he says oh no of course not but it exists and I like how do i know that and he says because its a well known thing like if we cant prove it wrong then we assume that it is right, we just believe that it is there because there is some evidence that it is and we havent had any evidence proving it wrong...


Sounds a little too much like religion for me...I need to create a new classification of people, if I said I was an atheist I would believe in science, if I was a GOD fearing christian with limited brain cells and warped ideas you would call me Sarah Palin but what should we call people that cannot believe in either one..

Oh this should be my first rule for Nancys Rules of the World... they can be called Nancies and they can stop using that name to mean losers and crybabies...,like you are such a nancy, or dont be a negative nancy...

No that is it from now on when you dont believe in something unless you can see it you can be called a Nancy...and we will know you by your crown... because that is rule number 2, crowns are required at all times....

Really the next blog will be about my rules for the world... read em and weep.